Goals versus Dreams

[2SidestoStories]

Hi everyone...

 

I just had an interesting revelation that I felt inclined to post here, perhaps in the hopes that someone else may have some sort of epiphany about their own lives with:

 

I have always been known to dream big. I am very much one of those people who has until recently had the privelege of living my life mostly in my head, and seeing the world through rose colored glasses, and so forth. As aforementioned, this lovely reality check struck me (finally?) very hard this morning as I was going through a collection of my ex's "things," and feeling depressed because my dream of a happy family unit that was fully supportive and such had disappeared. But then it hit me. I still have my family: I still have my children and myself, and that dream may have changed a little bit, but now I can fulfill it to an even greater extent because I am the one to make it all happen. I'm not dependent (co-dependent, unfortunately was a more apt descriptor...) on him in any way, which is fantastic because he was not willing to make that dream a reality.

 

Dreams are wonderful things to have. In fact, I for one am a hard-nosed supporter of dreams and maintaining them. However, dreams are nothing more substantial without the goals to make them reality. In other words, by all means have your dreams, but find the ways to make them real. I know I lack motivation when my dreams seem overly lofty; I let the eventual goal dissipate because the dream seems so far fetched that it could never actually happen. I also know I tend to be lazy, which is in itself a very self-defeating habit. So what the heck could motivate me to achieve goals? How about recognizing that the dreams I have are NOT so lofty, because as the cliche goes, "Where there's a will, there's a way."

 

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that Everyone is perfectly capable of accomplishing anything they want to accomplish so long as they are pragmatic in their approach to having dreams become realities. (Like me going to grad school in Hawaii, for example. ) Sounds awfully contradictory, but it's really not. I wish I had a better way of communicating this.

 

Anyway...I have no idea whether any of this holds any value to anyone but me, so I apologize if it's more blithering nonsense.

[HokeyReligions]

My experience has been different - I was raised to NOT have any dreams, ambitions, or goals. I was taught never to look further ahead then then the next few hours. When I was a kid I never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny and never looked forward to anything. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I discovered "planning" which involved thinking ahead. I didn't have a lot of friends because I couldn't relate to them. I remember going to a sleepover and playing "teacher" in the basement and the other little girls were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up. I had never thought about it!

 

I was not a typical kid that asked questions - I was very VERY quiet and never asked any general questions. I guess I figured if I need to know it I'll find out.

 

And yet I seem to always have what I want, or get to where I need to get. Even through great emotional pain I seem to be on an even keel. That's not to say I don't have wants. When we needed a new car I wanted a mini-van. I just did what it took to get it. The same with the recent job loss. I was scared about paying the bills for a while, but I just plod along day-to-day and seem to make out OK. I was actually only unemployeed for just over 2 weeks.

 

I decided I needed a college degree and I just went back to school and got one. I think by not having any hopes or dreams I'm not disappointed if and when they don't come true and maybe I don't stress out about the future as much as some people.

 

I guess I should correct myself - I did have one hope/dream/fleeting vision of something - a normal, happy marriage. I didn't get what I dreamed about, but I'm content with what I have, and have no regrets.

 

Perhaps its all in our approach. I was also taught to never trust anyone except myself, but at the same time they tried to raise me in a christian asmosphere and tell me to give my complete trust and love to an entitiy I could neither see, hear, or touch and had no proof of his existence. So, I trusted myself and no one else. That takes a lot of pressure off the people I've been involved with.

 

I had a class in high school where we were supposed to be taught how to visualize something then make it happen. I understood the concept, but I could never do it.

[2SidestoStories]

Hokey:

 

Wow. I just...wow. I have no idea what to make of that since my experience has been so different and yet I feel like you completely relate to the notions I was trying to get across. Life happens, and you just find ways to deal with it. I've had some people tell me they think I'm cold and heartless for wanting to move past my current divorce situation rather than sit and dwell (????) on it for hours and days. I don't have time to waste thinking of "what could have been" or even "what may happen when he gets out of therapy" or what have you. Yeah, it's that exciting. <sigh>

 

I almost envy your Christian upbringing. I was basically raised agnostic and was "taught" that sure Jesus was way cool and had a lot of good things to say, but that "ain't no lord and saviour out there, bub!"

 

You're an inspiration to me if nobody else! Thanks for your insight.