I dislike babies!

[iwanttolive]

I dislike my bf's baby nephew whom he adores very much. I'm not jealous of the attention he's getting but I just can't stand how much attention he demands from all of us! He could not be left alone for just a minute. He's very loud, always throwing things around, drives his toy car around the house knocking everything in sight. He refuses to go to sleep until everyone else is asleep. I don't know what to do. My head spins everytime the baby is around.

 

The thing is I do like little girls who are well-behaved. I find them cute and sweet and they bring joy to me. I just can't stand this particular baby! And it happens to be my bf's nephew. Uurgghh, what do I do?

[Ross PK]

If it's your house you could tell your boyfriend to not bring him round there anymore.

[EarthGirl]

kids can be exhausting but they are worth it...of course I have never been full time...but I'm sure they would be to me. but yeah I understand what it's like to have a little kid full of energy that never stops around..my little cousins are like that..they are boys too..although occasionally little girls will be like that too, I have another cousin that's a little girl like that...depends on their personality, environment etc.

[Angel1111]

The baby sounds like a spoiled brat. This could be a problem between you and your bf if you ever get married and have kids. He may think it's cute for a child to run the house, and that's not going to work for you (and it shouldn't). I'd bring it up and ask him if he thinks maybe his nephew isn't a little out of control or not. His answer will tell you a lot. He may think that his nephew only acts like that when family is around but, regardless, he shouldn't be acting like that ever. I would see this as a big problem.

[Ms. Joolie]

How old is the baby?

[Quinch]

I feel that way about my own nephews. Spoiled little bastards!

[Ross PK]

The baby sounds like a spoiled brat. This could be a problem between you and your bf if you ever get married and have kids. He may think it's cute for a child to run the house, and that's not going to work for you (and it shouldn't). I'd bring it up and ask him if he thinks maybe his nephew isn't a little out of control or not. His answer will tell you a lot. He may think that his nephew only acts like that when family is around but, regardless, he shouldn't be acting like that ever. I would see this as a big problem.

 

That's a great idea, Angel.

[GorillaTheater]

Jesus, we're talking about a baby here for crissakes.

 

You don't like babies? No problem. But faulting him for having the temerity to act like a baby? "Spoiled brat"? C'mon...

[Art_Critic]

I dislike my bf's baby nephew whom he adores very much. I'm not jealous of the attention he's getting but I just can't stand how much attention he demands from all of us! He could not be left alone for just a minute. He's very loud, always throwing things around, drives his toy car around the house knocking everything in sight. He refuses to go to sleep until everyone else is asleep. I don't know what to do. My head spins everytime the baby is around.

 

The thing is I do like little girls who are well-behaved. I find them cute and sweet and they bring joy to me. I just can't stand this particular baby! And it happens to be my bf's nephew. Uurgghh, what do I do?

 

He sounds like a typical BOY toddler...

 

By the way.. I found the bolded part of you post kind of contradicting.. if you are not jealous of the attention he gets then why does the attention he gets bother you ?

[GorillaTheater]

He sounds like a typical BOY toddler...

 

Can't have that. Sock the kid full of Ritalin, stat.

[Art_Critic]

Can't have that. Sock the kid full of Ritalin, stat.

 

How dare him drive his toy car all around the house and bang it into things...

Bring on the Ritalin

[Angel1111]

Look, I don't think she's talking about the typical kid stuff. This kid sounds like he runs the household and everybody in it. She said that he can't be left alone for a minute, is very loud, bangs things into furniture, refuses to go to sleep when he should, and it sounds like adults can't even socialize because he's the star on stage. I also don't think she's talking about an actual baby - if he can drive his toys around, he sounds like he's at least 2 or so. Yes, kids are full of energy but that doesn't mean that they are expected to drive adults crazy. I can't stand it when parents allow their children to be this out of control, even dictating when they go to bed. This is exactly why marriages get into trouble - because it becomes all about the kids. It simply doesn't work.

[Art_Critic]

Look, I don't think she's talking about the typical kid stuff. This kid sounds like he runs the household and everybody in it. She said that he can't be left alone for a minute, is very loud, bangs things into furniture, refuses to go to sleep when he should, and it sounds like adults can't even socialize because he's the star on stage. I also don't think she's talking about an actual baby - if he can drive his toys around, he sounds like he's at least 2 or so. Yes, kids are full of energy but that doesn't mean that they are expected to drive adults crazy. I can't stand it when parents allow their children to be this out of control, even dictating when they go to bed. This is exactly why marriages get into trouble - because it becomes all about the kids. It simply doesn't work.

 

Who is she to decide all that ?.. the GF of their Uncle ?..

 

and I think you are probably wrong about the kid running the household..

 

That is her perception..because she doesn't think good children act up and do things unruly.. maybe when she has her own toddler she will understand that kids have to be allowed to be kids..

 

Last night my son was banging his car into the walls real hard and the kitchen cabinets..

I ( the adult ) asked him to stop and got him busy doing something else...

He can't be expected to understand it all.. It's up to the adults in the household to get him busy doing something constructive

Edited November 24, 2009 by Art_Critic

[Ms. Joolie]

Whether the child is a very small baby or a toddler, I think the OP does need to be more understanding. This is just a small child... with lots of energy! For a child to be a child is such a good and wonderful thing.

 

HOWEVER... maybe the OP is having more an issue with the parenting of this child? In that case, the OP should consider what positive influence in the child's life she can be when she is present.

 

Just think! If he truly is unruly, you have the opportunity to provide something for this child, just by being there. It's an opportunity for you. THAT, I believe, is how we should handle unruly children or people or circumstances.

[TaraMaiden]

She needs to shift her focus from the child - to the adults who permit him to behave in this way.

It's not his fault if he gets the run of the house, or the attention - it's the adults bringing him up who might have the screwy ideas....

 

When I say I can't stand badly-behaved kids, I find myself logically pursuing my statement to it's split degree, and realising that it's not the kids.

It's the adults with the kids.

 

Children simply behave in a way they are brought up, permitted and conditioned to behave.

Tjose who do the bringing up, give permission and condition the child, need their lumps felt with a 20-lb sledgehammer.

 

But OP, toughen up and get over it.

The kid ain't yours, and you have no say in the matter.

Focus your energy and attention of what kind of a parent you will be - if, as and when you decide to have children.

[JamesM]

There is definitely a difference between my babies and other people's babies.

 

I can say that I do NOT like babies, but I did like my own. Even so, I prefer my kids grown up...or rather older than five.

 

There is nothing wrong with not liking babies, but understand that babies are babies and demand attention.

 

And you are giving these "I do not like babies" vibes to your bf. This sends a red flag to him...."Is she mother material?"

 

I agree with AC. You contradict yourself but I think I understand. You don't need all of your bf's attention, but when that baby is around, he gives you NO attention...and that is what bugs you.

 

I think you are in a dilemma. Showing too much dislike for the baby sends the wrong message and pretending to like the baby builds up resentment inside of you.

 

IMO he should be more considerate of how you feel with the baby around. However, if he has no clue about your feelings, then he cannot act upon them.

[JamesM]

Whether the child is a very small baby or a toddler, I think the OP does need to be more understanding. This is just a small child... with lots of energy! For a child to be a child is such a good and wonderful thing.

 

 

Actually, that may be true for those who are used to having small children around, but for those who are not used to it, it is a stressor and a nuisance. Now that we have no small babies or toddlers, my wife and I find ourselves much less tolerant of baby noises and crying. When we had them, then we could ignore the sound. However, because we have teenagers and older children, their fighting, yelling and loud laughter is normal and doesn't grate on us as much.

 

My folks who have an empty house with no children cannot handle our kids around acting as rambunctious kids...even though as kids, WE were that way.

 

It is not always about disobedience or misbehaving children. It can be more about what someone is used to hearing.

[Art_Critic]

Actually, that may be true for those who are used to having small children around, but for those who are not used to it, it is a stressor and a nuisance. Now that we have no small babies or toddlers, my wife and I find ourselves much less tolerant of baby noises and crying. When we had them, then we could ignore the sound. However, because we have teenagers and older children, their fighting, yelling and loud laughter is normal and doesn't grate on us as much.

 

My folks who have an empty house with no children cannot handle our kids around acting as rambunctious kids...even though as kids, WE were that way.

 

It is not always about disobedience or misbehaving children. It can be more about what someone is used to hearing.

 

Good post James... very true too...

[Ms. Joolie]

Actually, that may be true for those who are used to having small children around, but for those who are not used to it, it is a stressor and a nuisance. Now that we have no small babies or toddlers, my wife and I find ourselves much less tolerant of baby noises and crying. When we had them, then we could ignore the sound. However, because we have teenagers and older children, their fighting, yelling and loud laughter is normal and doesn't grate on us as much.

 

My folks who have an empty house with no children cannot handle our kids around acting as rambunctious kids...even though as kids, WE were that way.

 

It is not always about disobedience or misbehaving children. It can be more about what someone is used to hearing.

 

Well, if it's a tolerance issue, then we all have different tolerance levels. Although I must say if you cannot tolerate a small child, what can you tolerate?

[Lizzie60]

She didn't say how old is the baby..

 

Methink he's a toddler.. not a baby.. I doubt babies drive cars around the house..

 

It's NOT the kid's fault.. who's raising him??????

 

It's soooo sad for a kid to be called 'spoiled brat', etc.. when, in fact, the ones to blame are just sitting there.. doing nothing.. and letting everyone 'hate' their baby... really...

 

For you to even 'hate' this baby is extremely immature.. you should understand the 'dynamic' here..

 

I feel bad for this kid.. honestly..

[JamesM]

Well, if it's a tolerance issue, then we all have different tolerance levels. Although I must say if you cannot tolerate a small child, what can you tolerate?

 

Lots of things.

 

Small babies cry loudly and when an inexperienced parent is trying to calm them down, it may only get worse. If the baby is colicky (and we experienced this), then almost nothing can stop the crying. And even when a baby is happy, he or she can make the most loud screams which are incredibly annoying if you are sitting in a quiet restaurant. I could go on and on as to why it is not easy to tolerate a small child.

 

So often parents forget that we all don't view their precious princess or prince as some special gift that we should all smile at...no matter what he or she does.

 

I know as a parent that it is not easy trying to figure out what a baby wants or needs. I have been at that quiet restaurant. I think for the most part we were always conscious of what others might think. And while I thought that my babies were somehow special, I tried to always remember that they were not.

 

My brother teaches HS kids. He can handle them much much better than I. He can handle a little sassiness from them. He can handle their bantering and understand where it comes from. IMO he is great with older kids. However, he cannot handle the noises of smaller children nearly as well. When the nieces and nephews all get together, us parents that have them pretty much ignore the noise. He cannot understand how we don't go nuts.

 

Many people can tolerate alot of things and cannot tolerate small children. Many parents can tolerate their OWN small children and not the small children of other parents.

 

I admit that today it is much harder for me to handle crying than it was five years ago. I can still do it, but I don't think I have the patience I did then.

[Ms. Joolie]

Lots of things.

 

Small babies cry loudly and when an inexperienced parent is trying to calm them down, it may only get worse. If the baby is colicky (and we experienced this), then almost nothing can stop the crying. And even when a baby is happy, he or she can make the most loud screams which are incredibly annoying if you are sitting in a quiet restaurant. I could go on and on as to why it is not easy to tolerate a small child.

 

So often parents forget that we all don't view their precious princess or prince as some special gift that we should all smile at...no matter what he or she does.

 

I know as a parent that it is not easy trying to figure out what a baby wants or needs. I have been at that quiet restaurant. I think for the most part we were always conscious of what others might think. And while I thought that my babies were somehow special, I tried to always remember that they were not.

 

My brother teaches HS kids. He can handle them much much better than I. He can handle a little sassiness from them. He can handle their bantering and understand where it comes from. IMO he is great with older kids. However, he cannot handle the noises of smaller children nearly as well. When the nieces and nephews all get together, us parents that have them pretty much ignore the noise. He cannot understand how we don't go nuts.

 

Many people can tolerate alot of things and cannot tolerate small children. Many parents can tolerate their OWN small children and not the small children of other parents.

 

I admit that today it is much harder for me to handle crying than it was five years ago. I can still do it, but I don't think I have the patience I did then.

 

I should correct myself to say, "If WE cannot tolerate a child, what can we tolerate?" Didn't mean to accuse you personally, JamesM.

 

What comes to mind with what you said is the parenting of these children. We can and should tolerate babies in our community of course, but what about parenting?

 

I mean, I'm well in tuned to that annoyance that I get when I hear a crying baby at the store, or a restaurant. It's up to me to be tolerant of that child. It's just a child! But if the child is crying and disrupting things, such as at a movie or at a family gathering, it would be my responsibility to speak up, or to do something. I could sit there and be annoyed or I could do something about it. Simply tolerating a crying child at the movies is not acceptable. Someone will have to notify the staff or that parent about the disrupting situation, and the parents would be expected to do something about it.

 

It is a tolerance issue, but also, under certain circumstances, we need to do something about it.

 

Maybe in the OP's situation, the child is truly disrupting things. In that case she needs to get a grasp on her responsibility in the situation. But I'm thinking if she's just around the child for a couple of hours, it's simply a tolerance issue. If she were taking care of her BF's nephew, there would be more issues to address, but that is not the case.

[Els]

Well, if it's a tolerance issue, then we all have different tolerance levels. Although I must say if you cannot tolerate a small child, what can you tolerate?

 

Different people rate things differently, you know.

 

I can quite confidently say, with experience, that if I had to be around a small child (unless said child is a perfect angel - which most of them aren't) for even 12 hours, I'd be immensely glad to get the 'flu just so I wouldn't have to.

 

Although that probably stems more from people's expectations (ie relatives who constantly guilt-trip me about not liking my nieces/nephews and try to force me to handle the baby in order to, uh, cultivate some form of motherliness in me? Dunno, whatever their intentions, it's pushing me the other way), even though the baby itself is quite a bother.

 

I don't think OP should blame the baby, though. Just tell the bf it bothers you and you'd rather not tag along, if it bothers you that much. Make it about your preferences, not the kid.