Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I am currently at a crossroads in my life. I am looking back at the mess I have created for myself and finally realized..my friend...it is time to change. Among other things I am reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover. I know some people feel that this book is nothing more then pop psychology and trendy; however, as a therapist, I see a lot of sound and valid thought in Dr. Glover's theories. I also, sadly, see myself as the poster Mr. Nice Guy. So I am going to start this thread to act as a journal as I work through the book. There are many exercises that ask questions. I am going to answer many of those questions in this thread. I am very open to feedback, questions, challenges, and whatever else people feel like contributing. I am especially interesting in hearing from other Nice Guys and reformed Nice Guys. Please keep me accountable! Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Q: Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a compelling reason for him to do so? Why do people try to change who they really are? Take some time and think about this. Is this your behavior or the behavior of someone you know? It is not rational to exhibit this or any behavior unless there is a reason to do so...behavior serves a functionally purpose...whether that function is conscious or not. People try to change who they are because they are either ashamed or embarrassed of who they are, or because they think that others will not like who they are. I often hide or eliminate parts of my personality in order to "fit in" with my environment. There are many times that I will do things that I do not want to do. Rather then say no...I want to appear accommodating and sacrificing...so I give in. I don't want to show the side of me that is more self serving. Link to post Share on other sites
ATR Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Nice idea man, I started reading that book back on my holiday last august. Never got to finish it though I think i'll try to join in on this at some point. Keep it up;). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Nice idea man, I started reading that book back on my holiday last august. Never got to finish it though I think i'll try to join in on this at some point. Keep it up;). Thanks....feel free to give any feedback. If you get one going I'll do the same. Dr. Glover states that these exercises are more effective if done in a supportive environment. Link to post Share on other sites
FredMerc Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 When do we start? Oh, that question was it? Well, for starter who says being nice is simply hiding aspects of oneself? I don't get it. Are you being nice in a fake way to cover who you really are, or are you just a nice person by nature? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 A person who wants to please people at the expense of all else is someone who doesn't like who they are ( shy ) or feels people won't like the real them ( fear ) so they hide behind the "nice guy" mask. A nice person is kind to others but isn't afraid to voice their views. A person pretending to be nice is a manipulator. You need to define what type of nice you are and take the steps to being a better balanced person. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 OP, the economy is tough. Don't give yourself away. Charge The single largest lesson I learned with relationships is that people earn the right to access my generosity and skills and compassion and caring. Otherwise, it's business. Give of yourself what you can freely and without expectation. That's just one of many boundaries you'll establish as you transition from 'nice guy'. Boundaries are important. Enforcing them has become quite a satisfying hobby Link to post Share on other sites
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