How does one sieze the moment best?

[Dragonflys]

I'm 31 years old and I'm still finding that I am often short-sighted and immature when it comes to what I desire out of life. I seem to often only respond to pressure, seek short-term rewards, and have problems settling into daily activities that are important for my own personal growth.

When I look at my life right now I have nothing to complain about. I am young, very healthy, have a girlfriend, a budding career as a research scientist, and good friends around me. Yet, I still often feel unsatisfied and uncomfortable. I find it hard often to sit down and get an important task done in good time without there being some kind of deadline. Its not just work either, in my homelife I rarely get into doing things that I really do enjoy such as painting, writing, or reading even though I have plenty of time and would feel very good about myself if I just 'got into it'

I'm not saying I'm a slouch, I lead an active life and do get involved in many things, its just I run into problems with getting started..its like I feel stuck and want to avoid it.

 

I know this is an age old question, but I'd love to hear from anyone who has conquered such feelings, or suggestions from people who are just able to get on with it and don't fall into the fantasy trap all the time.

[Tony T]

Well, Oliver, I have done the same sorts of things in the past but...unlike you...I didn't really care. I've always had the attitude that if I was generally happy with the pace of my life or the form it took then all else made little difference. Unlike me, you are not happy with those things.

 

It sounds like your main problem is procrastination, inability to prioritize, and poor time management. An excellent source for help in these areas is contained at: http://www.learningcommons.uoguelph.ca/learning/fastfax/procrastination.htm#1 You can use a good search engine to find other sites that deal with procrastination.

 

There are others in your boat who suffer from mild cases of depression. Still others are going through what is known as an existential crisis...a crisis of meaning which can be conscious or subconscious.

 

Beyond that, you could have some physical problems with your energy and attention levels caused by lack of proper exercise, sleep or diet. You will have to make the determination there.

 

At any rate, I wouldn't be too concerned. You always have your head on right and you seem overall to have an above average life despite the fact that you are not so happy with it.

 

Read the resource I linked to above and pay particular attention to the part that describes perfectionists and their approach to procrastination and see if you perhaps don't fit there.

 

But it's good you are taking inventory of your life in general. It's better not to be so critical of yourself but rather strive to live your life as best you can, to make yourself as happy with your life as you can, because it's probably the only one you will get.

 

You might was to consider not analyzing your life so much and just enjoy it in whatever form it presents itself. If you don't feel motivated at any particular time, don't make a big deal out of it. Take a nap instead.

[Dragonflys]

Thanks Tony for your ever reliable contribution.

 

I would say the problem is mainly related to perfectionism, I sometimes get stuck in the mentality of wanting/expecting more right now (I have always been like that). I have never been too great at being in the moment and enjoying what I have at those times when there is nothing more I can do. It makes for constant dissatisfaction with the present deal, unless there is a threat for it to get worse. It's certainly not physical because I have no problem getting to the gym 3 times a week.

 

So, I'll print out your linked article and make it bedtime reading. I'll be sure to give you feedback on what may be important to me.

 

Many thanks again,

 

Oliver

[yes]

Tony - thanks for that link. Now I know why I procrascinate! Seriously - perfectionism, fear of diappointing the family, emotional "out"s for not doing very well. Just made a time plan for myself - I didn't think i'd ever need to do this but I guess I do.

 

Oliver - I'm a lot younger than you, but I think I know how you feel. Things are going fine in my life as well, yet I also often feel lack of motivation & all the other things you listed. I also cannot enjoy myself unless things have JUST gotten better, or it's an effort to keep them where they are. I think it's largely just a personality type issue.

 

Good luck,

-yes

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Oliver

I'm 31 years old and I'm still finding that I am often short-sighted and immature when it comes to what I desire out of life. I seem to often only respond to pressure, seek short-term rewards, and have problems settling into daily activities that are important for my own personal growth.

 

I'm a LOT older than you and I feel the same way! I had a job where I didn't really have deadlines for my work and I did not enjoy the job and wasn't that great. When I moved to a position where I had IRS deadlines and government deadlines I excelled. I, too, respond better to pressure and I need the short-term rewards as my main motivation. As yes mentioned, a lot of it is a personality thing and once I figured that out I was able to make personal attitude adjustments and not try so hard to change my "ways" and that has helped a LOT.

[Dragonflys]

Thankyou all for your great responses.

 

I agree with you hokey, it's likely a personality thing because as long as I recall, I have always been lousy at getting things done without some kind of deadline framework. So here I am trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and adapt to the exact opposite situation.

The article Tony says that students have the greatest problem, and being a third year Ph.D student I'm probably just exhausted and frustrated from having to self motivate myself all the time. I used to work part-time in a restaurant a few years ago and never ever had a problem getting my job done on time and well. One thing I got out of Tony's article is the advice to look at upcoming tasks in small packages. i.e say to myself I will work on this for 1/2 an hour. 1/2 an hour on one task is not much, goes quick, but I still get it done and every bit of momentum I gain only work positively to get me going again.

I'm going to take your advice hokey and stop being so hard on myself and just accept that these are the ways the energies flow through my body and use that energy more wisely. I know from experience that if I do I have a ton there and can sizzle productivity.

Yes, I think the small gains that come with small packages of productivity are the same type of motivator as 'things JUST getting better'. If one JUST gets something done, it works to improve mood and mometum for the next task.

 

Oliver

[HokeyReligions]

Something else I remembered that helped me (I've been using this method for so long I don't even think about it any more)

 

is adopting and adapting a time management method.

 

Years ago I took a Franklin Time Management Course (I think it's Franklin Covey now -- before that it was Franklin Quest and before that is when I took the course )

 

Basically I make lists. It helps to have in writing what I want to accomplish and when. I review the lists every day and re-prioritize them according to how my day is going and, it may sound silly to some of you, but it helps me to see that little check mark that a task was completed.

 

Check out some time-management information to see if that may help you feel more in control. That was a big problem with me, if I didn't have deadlines I felt out of control and passive/defensive. I like being pro-active but was bad at setting my own goals. It IS a personality type and we just need to learn to work with what we have and turn what we think of as weaknesses, into strengths. It's all a matter of how we look at it.

 

Good Luck