Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 THis is one of my personal gripes. Excuses, putting the blame or responsibility "out there" instead of stepping up to the plate, and taking it on the chin. Then I was discussing with another poster, how the heart and mind are indiscernibly linked. In fact, there are no 'two different places'. They are one and the same. The other member was under the impression I was talking about a 'soul' and spirituality. Not at all. Nothing of the kind. I was merely pointing out that to try and say the two are ever in conflict, its BS. It's merely a question of knowing the sensible logical course of action, and fighting against desire and emotively-based decision. Will against fancy, if you like. Then the subject of different levels of consciousness, arose. Fine. I concede that these may well exist, but again, they all belong to us. And the Subconscious is another word for Ego. We pacify it by pandering to it, and when our Ego is displeased, it manifests in strange, alien ways. But in fact, we are manifesting a side of ourselves that speaks the Truth. Then finally to say that sometimes, what happens with our emotions is not our fault and we cannot help what we do, is utter tosh, to my mind. "a person cannot always control his thoughts and emotions, but must still deal with them." This is complete wishful thinking. A person can ALWAYS control his thoughts and emotions. S/He is under the impression that s/he cannot, but this is just self-delusion, perpetuated by a notion that if we can put the blame elsewhere, then we do not have to take responsibility for our actions. Well tough doodies. we can't and we must. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 This is the one thing that I will punish my children for without hearing so much as an explanation from them. It's my biggest parenting pet peve. I can't stand blame shifting. Look at me and say, "I messed up" and I'm all ears and ready to talk though it, but start a sentence with, "well Suzie..." and I go postal. There can be no growth until one can take complete responsibility for their actions, words and deeds and seek to control them in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 "She cut her hair so this made me cheat!" "She said something mean on LS, so she made me stalk her for months, side swiping her with nasty comments!" Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 This to me links to the quote, "who sins most, the tempter or the tempted?". And another, "it is one thing to be tempted, another to fall". I have never blamed another for my actions but in all honesty, I have sometimes felt things were beyond my control. I think as people you all learn and grow and develop and learn to test the boundaries of who you are. Things constantly come along in life to test your metal, to see what you are made of, some hurdles you jump, and others you simply fall down at. But I definately think it's very easy to blame others and not own up to your mistakes. After all we all have our own interests at heart i.e. self-preservation. But i've always owned up to my own mistakes. I think society makes it easier to blame others as well. We live in a culture of passing the buck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Odd that the person who prompted the creation of this thread has not commented, even though I mentioned I was starting it. That to me (and of course, I may be wrong) indicates that however much they claim to take responsibility for their own actions, they stop short of confirming that this also means they are responsible for the creation and perpetuation of their own personal associated feelings and emotions. They are still of the opinion, possibly, that these are still generated by others. Until a person who has issues with their partner, can completely own everything going on behind their eyes, problems will not be resolved, and people will not move on. But as Nicky rightly says, that's because we live in a society where it's far easier, and more convenient to blame everyone else for the frown on our face, rather than take the rap and change it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I dunno, I don't think I can control all my thoughts. When I sit back and observe the flow of my thoughts, without becoming involved in them or attached to them, I sometimes have bizarre thoughts that strike me as odd. They just float up to the surface and flow past my point of observation like rushing water. If I allow my emotions to be caught up in those thoughts, then I feel like my emotions are out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I dunno, I don't think I can control all my thoughts. When I sit back and observe the flow of my thoughts, without becoming involved in them or attached to them, I sometimes have bizarre thoughts that strike me as odd. They just float up to the surface and flow past my point of observation like rushing water. If I allow my emotions to be caught up in those thoughts, then I feel like my emotions are out of control. You can actually, it just takes quite a bit of practice. The problem is that until one admits that the emotions are out of control and unhealthy and unproductive and that they are the ONLY ones who can control those (not the situation which brought them on) then there is no change. When someone can't accept that their actions, no matter what the cause, are within their control then they have no choice but to blame the situation that brought them on. Meditation and mindfullness practiced for a short time each day is one of the most incredible gifts one could ever give themselves. You would be amazed at how those bizzare thoughts can be recognized and nip right in the bud! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 This is a brilliant exercise. This is a real Kicker. It's called a default state, when you simply actually switch off cogitative rational stream thinking - following line of thinking that requires or brings a conclusion - and permit the brain to manifest a weird non-sequential haphazzard compilation of completely unconnected thoughts. It's actually a very good way of knowing "what's on your mind'..... sometimes one of these thoughts actually 'appears' as the voice of someone you know, and you almost feel you're being spoken to.... It's very entertaining. It happens to me when I meditate. I love it. I sometimes wait for something to come up, then focus on that and let it blossom. I don't actively try to work it out, I just ruminate on it. Chew it over..... But not so's I'm tied in mental knots. Just to clear out the top drawer, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Geishawhelk Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Ifwishes, helloooo! I'm with you on this! Especially the meditation bit! I used to teach this at the primary school my daughters went to. In under a month, the teachers noticed an emphatic difference in the way children behaved and reacted towards one another. I heartily recommend it! Link to post Share on other sites
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