as you get older, do more and more people suddenly become mean, and screw you over?

[swirlyq]

i'm 28, and i've been losing friends steadily for years. it seams people in my life who once meant something to me (and I even meant something to them), screw me over, out of nowhere, in horrible ways. no details, because it would take to long to mention the ridiculous situations I've been placed, but what I'm trying to ask is if it's normal to lose friends as you enter adulthood? If so, that's fine, but it's also more difficult for me to make friends now, then even 5 years ago.

[tinktronik]

I have come to the conclusion that yes it is normal. And in the not so good ways you mentioned. It also does become harder to replace the old friendships as your true friend making skills and time seem to have diminished.

[Curmudgeon]

...but what I'm trying to ask is if it's normal to lose friends as you enter adulthood?

 

As we age we run the "risk" of out-growing friends who don't keep up and moving apart from friends who head in other dirtections. Over time you have less in common and friendships become acquaintances and even those can wither on the vine. People begin to focus on careers and families. It happens. There's no harm and no foul!

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with C, although there is the addition of what you're willing to put up for friendship sakes. The older you are, the less tolerant you become about someone else's foibles. Part of this is the amount of time you have for others, instead of the family unit.

[monkey00]

It's a natural process and progression of life. as we get older we grow more in-tune to our own needs rather than an outward social need. Call it being anti-social but i think everyone does it to a certain extent. People either grow apart or together - and the former is more common as everybody have their own lives to manage.

 

And what i notice often are those who are in relationships are more guilty of doing this than those who remain single.

[swirlyq]

thanks for the introspective responses everyone. i guess if it's normal, than i can look back, and think about the "paths" of my friends who ditched me, and not take it that personally. maybe i'll try to quit being a walking dead person, and start to have a few friendships that have a little emotion in them.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Swirlyq: " As you get older, do more and more people suddenly become mean, and screw you over? "

 

Yeah.

 

And then you die.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Lunar Sonata]

It's normal. Everybody has their own agenda. It's just that their deception made you realize it too late. For me, as I get older, more and more people suddenly become stupider. Their motives easier to read and attempts to screw me over are laughable. It usually takes me at least 2 years of getting to know a person before they're out of my acquaintance window.

 

Hone your skills and you'll find true friends. Good luck!

[Fun2BMe]

I think the age group makes a difference. You say you are now an adult, so I take it you are comparing your teenage years to your twenties. Growing up people don't drive hours in traffic and spend 40+ hours working, paying bills and so on. With the added stress and much less free time, it's natural that it becomes harder to find people who have free time to hang out as was the case at a younger age. Free time is usually a luxury and spending it with friends let alone making new ones is like more work for most people, especially if they have a family hungrily waiting in the sidelines for their time.

 

As far as being meaner, I would guess if you took 100 random 5 year olds, 15 year olds, 25 year olds, 35 year olds etc, that the older groups would be less naive, sweet, relaxed, and nice. "Grump old men" and PMS-ing come to mind, as does mid life crisis, divorces, sexual abuse, layoffs, child support and a lot of issues and dramas and baggage that only accumulates as the years go by.

 

Whereas a 5 year old meanie might push a kid in the sandbox, at 50 years old the equivelent might be getting a life insurance policy out on his wife and hiring a hitman to get rid of her to cash in. There are so many shows about such crimes against 'happily' married spouses that unfortunately it's not surprising to see how many people sadly screw their friends over too.

[uniqueone]

Swirlyq:

" As you get older, do more and more people suddenly become mean, and screw you over? "

 

No.....you just finally figure out that they were all along........