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flat chested and hating it


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lifeasiknowit

(tried posting earlier, couldn't find it, attempting again)

 

I feel like a freak. I'm 21 yrs old, 5' 4", and 103-105 pounds and I am completely flat chested. I would be even happy if I could fit into a small A bra, but that's not going to happen. I have considered breast augmentation surgery but have decided that not only is that financially impossible for me, but that there are too many health risks involved. I know that it shouldn't be important, but I feel that if I had breasts I would feel normal instead of deformed and freakish.

 

In every other aspect, I'm somewhat satisified with how I look, but there are days when I cringe when I see my reflection in the mirror coming out of the shower.

 

Our society values breasts, and not just that, but big breasts, so where do I fit in, someone who is totally ( and I'm not exaggerating) flat chested? I feel like a guy would not want to touch me with a 10 ft pole, even though I've been told I'm pretty, but that doesn't matter if I'm as flat as a 10 yr old boy!

 

And I see no point in wearing padded bras, because that to me seems very false and dishonest.

 

When I do get asked out nothing comes of it, because I just don't understand why anyone would be interested in me. I feel repulsive. I have only been on one date. The guy was cute, nice, but it didn't go any further than the 1st date. He was seriously interested but I did everything I could to push him away, being argumentative, detached and making up excuses. I think I seriously confused him. I just can't see myself being intimate with anyone, letting anyone touch me, when I can't even look at myself in the mirror, when I'm disgusted with my own body.

 

I know there are women out there who have the same problem as me ( I hope I'm not the only one!), and they manage to walk through life, even run through life with confidence and joy. I wish I could do the same, but I don't know how. I know there are people out there with serious disabilities and deformities, but that doens't console me.

 

It even dictates what I can wear. Ever since junior high I have worn loose and layered tops to hide my flat chest. And it doesn't help that people like my own sister have commented on my "lack of a figure". My sister even smirked when she found out that I don't wear bras (don't need them).

 

I'm just at a loss. I don't know what to do. I know my problem may seem trivial but I'd really appreciate any advice, responses, comments from anyone, men, women, whatever.

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First of all, you sound as though you might be a bit underweight for your height and because breasts are mostly fat, this could be preventing your bosom from growing more.

 

Secondly, you haven't stopped growing yet. Believe it or not, they may get growth spurts later in your life.

 

Most of all, though, quit worrying about what a guy will think. Contrary to what the media might have you believe, lots of men appreciate smaller breasts and there are a whole bunch who prefer smaller ones to large ones.

 

You will always have perky ones; they won't sag or droop like big sacks o'fat a lot of women carry around. Really, wear what ya got proudly and any guy worth his salt will love' em - as should you!

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lifeasiknowit,

 

the life as you know it is totally inaccurate. Here's how I rank the different aspects of women, from the most important to the least....

 

. Figure (curves and shape and legs)

. Face

. Femininity

. Height (not taller than me)

 

Boobs are never the deal-breaker for me. I've crushed on women that have all the aspects described above but are flat chested. Didn't stop me going gaa-gaa over them :p

 

It's all in your head, girl. And I feel sorry you're so hung up on just one aspect of your body. Some of the most beautiful hollywood actresses happen to be flat-chested too. So, stop obsessing and get over it :)

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Take a close look around at women who are just like you. Are they alone all the time and get nowhere with men? I think the answer is no. Many men like women with ahh.....small features;) The problem lies with your self image. A lot of times a person with a poor self image will use a physical attribute to explain their problem.

 

More than anything you need to focus on your personality.

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Both Outcast and elijahbailey are right.

There are also about half a dozen threads here about women complaining about their large chests...the grass isn't always greener. Be happy that your back will never hurt from them, that they'll always stay UP, that when you have children they will get bigger and that will be a good thing (for women who already had big boobs it's not a positive aspect of childbirth).....there are lots of things to be happy about....and like outcast said, you're still growing and may be underweight for your size anyway.

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Life, you got some great advice there but I wanted to also bring up again about the weight. Would you believe we have the exact same height and weight? I'm trying to gain 10 pounds. I've always been skinny my whole life and decided that's it, I'm going on a serious diet this year. I started in Jan and have gained some weight but still, like I said have 10 more pounds to go.

 

Guess where I noticed the weight gain? Yup, boobs (thighs too). I went up a cup size. But I think a lot also has to do with genetics. What are the women in your family like? You said your sister isn't flat chested? This tells me it's a matter of weight. I mean I've seen women who were actually overweight but have had almost no boobs. So genes play a part in it.

 

If there are no flatchested women in your family and you gain weight then you WILL see a difference.

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slubberdegullion

I just made this post in another thread, but thought it may be appropriate in this thread too:

...a lean, athletic frame appeals to me. Is having a body shape preference a negative trait? I don't think so, just as some men prefer redheads to brunettes... I think you'd find that many men prefer shapely women over heavier women. It may not be politically correct to say so, but from my experience it seems to be the way it is.

lifeasiknowit, your self-image is not dependent upon your body shape. Make the decision about gaining some weight for the right reasons, and not because you think you'll be more attractive to men.

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RecordProducer

Just because you can't look at your reflection in the mirror doesn't mean that other guys wouldn't want to touch you ot look at you or love you. I hate my body, but my BF thinks I am perfect. He said he likes all types of breasts and it depneds on the womna. Sex appeal comes from the inside. The sexiest women have this sexy aura and ooze sex, they don't have perfect faces and bodies. Many famous beauties (Paris, Hilton, Brooke Shileds, etc.) are flat and still everyone considers them sexy.

 

Expose your legs and other bodily parts - stress your facial features and hair. Don't worry about your tits so much. You can't have everything; nobody has. By teh way, if you gain weiht, your boobs will be bigger. ;)

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Breast augmentation isn't as risky as it used to be...

 

Save your money and see a good plastic surgeon in one or two years. There are some bad ones who do crummy work, so make sure to save well so you can afford the best.

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I think you're quite right to avoid augmentation. You're not that old and your body will still change. And you will definitely find a lot of men who think fake boobs are a complete turnoff. Don't do it unless you really want to be a strippper or porn star.

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as trite as this sounds, take it from this old lady: it's what is inside that counts, not the outer wrapping. I can only imagine what crap is going through your mind because you don't have the bosom you'd like to have, but you do have tools that will work for you, as others have pointed out: weight gain, prolly another growth spurt or two, if need be, breast augumentation. I've come across many sites of plastic surgeons that advertise financing for augmentation, so there's here available there, should you ever decide to go that route.

 

back to the inside bit being the one that matters most: you've written about the nice, cute guy who asked you out, so it's apparent to me that people find you attractive, despite what you feel about yourself. You being crappy toward this guy on y'alls date was a poor decision, though I understand that it was a self-defense mechanism kicking in because you'd rather reject than than be rejected first. (Not being mean here, we're all guilty of doing it at some point because our insecurities reduce us to this). Work hard to adopt a mindset that your looks are not the whole package, and that there are some genuinely good people who will value you because there's something about the real you that appeals to them.

 

I can't call to mind one woman I've met in real life or here on the 'Shack who has had some ongoing hate relationship with her body. However, at some point you've simply got to tell yourself that it's time to stop bashing yourself about what you're not and appreciate what you are.

 

in the end, looks are superficial, because they're easily changed or manipulated, and they only represent a small fraction of the real you. (Think of Christmas or birthday gifts – you don't judge the wonderfulness of the gift based on the wrapping paper, but what's inside that package, right?) Focus on positive attributes you do possess, and let the other stuff fall by the wayside.

 

take it from a fat old lady pushing 40: life's too short to hate yourself, so make the most of what you DO have.

 

hugs,

quak

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"Pushing 40" is old? I've never thought that!

 

lol, I'm feeling my age this morning … normally I don't give a rat's *ss about numbers or age!!!! :p :p :laugh: :laugh:

 

if ask me again tonight, I imagine I'll have a new response!!!

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lifeasiknowit

Thanks everyone, for your advice.

 

About the genes in my family, my mother is fairly flat chested, but my sister is a little bit bigger than me, and she's 16! I'm Asian, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

 

Yes, there are guys out there who don't care about breast size, but the thing is I don't even have a size. When I say I'm flat, I mean flat- nothing- nadda. When guys say they don't care if a girl is small there, I think they mean if she is a small A, but I'm not even there!

 

I don't feel feminine. I feel like I have a childish body. Paris Hilton in my opinion is not flat. I am flat.

 

I think it would help if I gained some weight, but I just fear that it won't make a big difference and I'll just gain most of it in my midsection instead of where I want it. Plus I find it hard to gain weight.

 

I guess my biggest fear is, if I do enter a relationship and become sexually intimate with a person, he'll end up being turned off by my flat chest. You know, horribly shocked or something.

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I guess my biggest fear is, if I do enter a relationship and become sexually intimate with a person, he'll end up being turned off by my flat chest. You know, horribly shocked or something.

 

If he likes you, he won't give a damn.

 

But if you feel like getting implants, get them. Won't hurt, except during the recovery period.

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No, because by the time you ever go to bed with a guy, he'll already like you (at least that's the way it should be.) And he probably will already know that you're not "endowed" before you ever get that far.

 

It's very hard for me to gain weight as well but if you put yourself on a diet like I did, you CAN gain weight. Just eating ONE extra meal or snack or dessert a day will add on the weight. If your mother is flat chested but your sister isn't, it's hard to say which way it will go for you but I still say gaining a little weight is key. So what if you have a little extra around the middle. That's not so bad.

 

Also, since you mentioned about your mother...have you ever talked to her about this? Obviously, your father didn't think it was a problem! Men are attracted and marry, flat-chested women all the time. They fall in love with the WHOLE person not a body part(s).

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Ohhh, I had a girlfriend in university who had a figure like yours. She was a swimming instructor. She never wore a bra, had great nipples and I’m getting a woody just thinking about her.

 

I agree with the weight thing, put a few pounds on and I’m sure something will grow.

 

There seems to be this school of thought that all men like big/average breasted women.

Rather than spending the money on new breasts spend a bit of time waiting for someone to come along that likes smaller chested women. They are out there.

 

Oh, I’m pulling 40 (not pushing) and starting to thing that this is the best time of life. You have the mature looks, intellect, experience and confidence that you know what you want. Great combination!

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Thing is, W, she's still pretty young. And awful thin. I think the better idea is to focus on getting to a slightly better weight first. You don't create good health by running off and having foreign objects inserted into your body.

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I'm with you on that Guy! I wouldn't trade this decade (40's) for being in my 20's or 30's again for anything!

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I'm with you on that Guy! I wouldn't trade this decade (40's) for being in my 20's or 30's again for anything!

 

Even if you could, you can't. *smirk*

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lifeasiknowit

I'm going to try to gain weight. I had my body fat % measured once, and I think I was really below the average. I was told that I had to eat three meals a day and to eat snacks in between meals, bascially to eat many times a day but not necessarily fattening foods, just lots of meat. That I find difficult, because I go to University and hold a p/t job, so it's hard to find time to eat that many times a day, but I should try, I guess.

 

I know when I'm older, I'm going to regret not taking advantage of this time of my life. It's just so hard to get out of a mindset, that I've had for so long.

 

And the sad thing is, my own family members have commented on my flat chestedness. I had some relative when I was 17, say something like: "wow, you have like nothing there" like I was some kind of freak. And then I have a friend who has commented on how "flat" she was when she was like something like a B to small C. What the hell?? That made me think, if you're flat, then what the hell am I? Or last week, we were watching a movie with her mom, and her mom made a comment about Claire Danes and how flat as a board she was. I have not expressed my insecurity to anyone about this. I just feel like no on can empathize because most people don't have this problem.

 

oh well, life goes on. I'm going to have to deal with it.

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Just to back up some of the posters here I personally wouldn't care if a girl were totally flat chested. What has always given me a problem is when women think men prefer the enormous things that women have stitched inside their chests. That is a total complete and absolute turn off for me. Its like pretending to be something you are not. I would never date a woman who had implants unless of course it was re-constructive.

 

Women are'nt milking cows for gods sake!! Society's pressure for girls to conform to a size/shape/colour/etc is a bad thing. The female form is natural in all its diversities and beautiful in all its forms. Maybe we should coin a new phrase for this phenomenon, my vote goes to Breastism.

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I think you might consider the cosmetic surgery route. People will tell you that it shouldn't matter but it does matter to you. I would look into it and talk to some doctors. They will be able to give you good information and show you case studies from augmentation. There is no shame in improving yourself if it makes you feel better.

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I'm going to try to gain weight. I had my body fat % measured once, and I think I was really below the average. I was told that I had to eat three meals a day and to eat snacks in between meals, bascially to eat many times a day but not necessarily fattening foods, just lots of meat. That I find difficult, because I go to University and hold a p/t job, so it's hard to find time to eat that many times a day, but I should try, I guess.

 

I know when I'm older, I'm going to regret not taking advantage of this time of my life. It's just so hard to get out of a mindset, that I've had for so long.

 

And the sad thing is, my own family members have commented on my flat chestedness. I had some relative when I was 17, say something like: "wow, you have like nothing there" like I was some kind of freak. And then I have a friend who has commented on how "flat" she was when she was like something like a B to small C. What the hell?? That made me think, if you're flat, then what the hell am I? Or last week, we were watching a movie with her mom, and her mom made a comment about Claire Danes and how flat as a board she was. I have not expressed my insecurity to anyone about this. I just feel like no on can empathize because most people don't have this problem.

 

oh well, life goes on. I'm going to have to deal with it.

 

Forget the "meat" thing..just try to eat more in between meals...even if it's a little baggie with nuts you bring with you. Nuts are fattening. Dried fruit..it really could be anything. You can do this!

 

You're not the only one who has this problem. You're not a freak. And ignore what others say. Who cares what they say? Believe me, no guy who gets to know you and like you is going to reject you just because you don't look the way you think you should.

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