Stroke at age of 19

[Alice82]

I had a stroke at the age of 19 when my mother died suddenly from an aneurysm. I stayed awake for two or three weeks with only 24 hours of sleep the whole time because I cried so hard my eyes were swollen and because I was insane with grief and couldn't stand each minute she was gone because she was getting farther and farther from me-from the last moment she was alive. I didn't want to let the minutes go by. I couldn't stand the progressing time. I never went to a doctor but the biggest indicator of brain damage is the change in my behavior and a general slowness or fuzziness in thought processes. I had dated two guys before her death. I hated that I had sinned twice already back then but they never proposed so...what could I do? After my mom died I had no idea what was going on. I never went back to live at the trailer with my step-dad for reasons I wouldn't discuss here. So I lost everything in one day. My best friend and soul mate, my mother and my home life. My worst fear had always been to be alone. I was never a n outspoken or wayward child. I was meek and mild and gentle and never spoke bad or thought bad or listened to bad things...for these I had no defense so I just avoided unpleasantness and daydreamed and hoped in the Lord. My worst nightmare came true, I found myself alone. On the streets. And started sleeping around because I did not know how to say no. I would literally pray that no one would insist we get together because I had as always managed to avoid it when my mom was alive. But now I had to try to get out of situations by myself and by saying no. I couldn't understand why people would put other people in that situation if they didn't have virtuos intentions toward a woman. Now...two decades later, I am a used up old piece of baggage...still wondering why everyone in the world is incapable of acting in a virtuous manner towards a woman. God it has been awful. And nobody ever seems to get it that I am not to blame here. I'm not a man to bestow honor and dignity on another whim is weaker than I. I am the receiver of these such gifts, of should have been. But I have a secret and it keeps me alive. I have not sinned in my heart ever again.

[kolinsin]

the loss of loved ones is so scary

[preraph]

You're not thinking clearly and you need to take yourself to a neurologist right now. For one thing, aneurysms can be hereditary, and you've had a stroke, so cannot imagine why you haven't gone to the doctor, but you need to go now. If you can't afford it, call an ambulance and go to the ER and let them figure out what to do with you.