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I'm not ugly so why do I have a hard time getting a man/keeping one?

Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management Staying fit and physically healthy is essential! Remember, we aren't subsitutes for your physician! As always, talk to your doctor before following any suggestions or advice!

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Old 10th November 2017, 7:21 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
It's not your looks, it's your lack of confidence.

I am overweight, and have been really over weight in my life, yet I have never had a problem keeping boyfriends (some of which where "hot" and incredibly fit).

But I am gregarious, I am very easy to approach and talk to. I make eye contact, smile and talk to strangers on a daily basis.

I really enjoy talking to men, and tend to find common interests.
Amen! You've got to be comfortable in your own skin. People sense it when you're not, and they don't want to be around the "uncomfortableness." It's awkward for them. Nothing against you personally. They just don't want to wrestle past that awkwardness.

I also think on some level they sense that you're looking to them to make the call on how valuable and worthy you are. That's never good. Don't give away your power and let other people's evaluation of you determine how you feel about yourself. That should be a "non-negotiable." It's your call, not theirs. It doesn't matter what they think. You're pretty, you're smart, you've got your act together, you have a lot to offer and nothing to prove, and it's ok if you don't hit it off with every-single-person-you-meet. Nothing wrong with that. Just keep on keepin on, and have faith in the certainty that you WILL run across someone who you DO hit it off with.

And a general observation - people like being around people who make them feel good. It's more about THEM, not you. Just be nice (to everybody), be calm (not desperate to do much of anything really), be content (no matter what is happening around you), have a "live and let live" attitude, go with the flow. You don't have to try so hard. Especially when your state of mind is contentment with yourself. You're the complete package, you don't need anyone else to help you feel that way.
"I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
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Old 10th November 2017, 7:46 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by OpenBook View Post
Amen! You've got to be comfortable in your own skin. People sense it when you're not, and they don't want to be around the "uncomfortableness." .
So true - and when I "feel hot" I get SO much more attention than when I am just not feelin' myself.

I am pretty sure I look just the same as I did the week before - but when I am "on". When I feel good, think I look good - when I have that glow I turn heads.

When I think "man I feel fat and gross today" it seems like everyone's reaction to me confirms it.

I have experimented with this and it's really true for me at least. The internal dialog in my head makes a huge difference in how people perceive me.
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Old 10th November 2017, 7:57 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by enigma32 View Post
I think this is the best advice so far. I have met women like you describe here and it is infinitely irritating. Relationships are all about connections. Have to find ways to make connections with people.

You want to do well with men? Pick up some male-oriented hobbies. Get yourself a Playstation and start playing video games. Head down to your local hobby/gaming/comic book shop and check things out there. Find a group of people playing pretty much anything and try to get interested. Maybe ask someone to teach you. That crowd of guys will make you feel right at home and they are all dying to meet a girl who will do nerdy things with them.
Oh this is great advice! I went to one of our local video games stores and it just happened to be the day The Witcher 3 came out. Lots of guys were talking to me. And once they realized I actually play some of the same games they have played we had some great conversations.

Do it!
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:03 PM   #34
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I didn't read the entire post so I apologize if I'm repeating what others have said.

You're too hard on yourself. You're putting too much emphasis on physical qualities. The issue most likely is that you're just not meeting the right people. It's always hard when we feel that we aren't good enough for whatever reason but typically that's never the real case. It's most likely you're simply not meeting the right guys or that you're looking for the wrong type of guy.

Keep your head up I'm certain you're a beautiful woman.
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Old 15th November 2017, 10:25 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
You are focused too much on looks. In addition, you might have the female equivalent of "nice guy syndrome" in a way... You think that if are 'hawt' and nice and do everything for a guy he will like you more. Evidence actually supports people like you more when THEY invest in YOU, not the other way around. What makes them want to invest you? You're a confident, fun, good person who gets and accepts them, not insecure about your looks because you know you have way more to offer than that.
You do need to be more confident and value yourself more. If you put yourself out there and accept any behavior in men, you will keep getting hurt. Be more selective and see yourself as a prize (not being stuck up or vain). If a man sees a weak woman (doesn't matter what she looks like), he will use you. When I started online dating this year, I made that mistake and I learned how to value myself enough to walk away. If you have this attitude, you will filter out the types of guys that hurt you.
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