clueless bf Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 My grilfriend has gained alot of weight. We met and started dating last year, both of our freshman years in college. She was 5 foot 3 inches tall slim and wore a size 2 jean. She eats alot and despite always going to the gym gained a little weight by the summer. She gained a little more over the summer and came to school this year with a size 4 waredrobe. This is still very slim but she was starting to soften up. She wanted to lose the weight, and at the begining of this school year started going to the gym alot, even though she hated working out. I told her she didn't have to do that, that she looked great and the little extra weight looked good on her,which was true. She stoped going to the gym, went on the pill and this is when she really started to gain. She ate alot started wearing sweat pants all the time, and every now and then we would go shoping for a pair of jeans that fit. Last night she tried to get into a pair of size 6 stretchble jeans and didn't come close. She was realy upset with how she has let herself go and stared asking me qustions like "How much weight do u think i've gained?" and "How much do u think i weigh now?" We have always been honest with each other and i wanted to answer had no clue what to say. She always complained about going to the gym when she was slim and this weight gain does not change how i see her at all. I think she is a beautiful girl and love her for more then how she physicaly looks. She likes that she doesn't have to gym to please me, but she doesn't like how she looks right now. Being kinda short, 5 foot 3 inches tall, this extra weight is very noticible. Honestly if u didn't know her and described her to someone you would say she was chubby. She gained all over, but her thighs and butt are most noticble. Her legs are think, soft and covered with cellulite, her butt sticks out and her tummy is very soft and sticks out too. Any muscle tone she has before is gone. I want to give her an honest answer on how much weight she gained. Going from a slim size 2 to now a flabby size 8 is a lot of weight, and I hope she can get into a size 8 cause she really struggled to get the stretchable size 6 jeans over her thighs and butt and they weren't even close to being buttoned. She wants to know how much she has gained, but doesn't want to get on a scale. We don't have one anyways, and she doens't know how much she weighed last year. She thinks she only gained around 15 pounds saying that u have to gain 5 pounds before u go up a jeans size. I think she looks like she gained more then that and that it takes a little more then 5 pounds before you out grow a pair of jeans. But i don't know know how womens jeans work. I think she's gained more like 25 pounds, but i'm not really sure and honelty think it could be more. Does 25 pounds sound like a resonable number? I feel that the weight gain is kinda my fault cause i brought up the idea of her going on the pill and it wasn't till after going on the pill when she really started to gain. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 The pill will make you gain wieght. She may want to try a differnet pill or a different contraceptive. If I was you I would not tell her how fat she has been getting? That is something she needs to find out herself. Don't pressure her about the wieght issue. The only one that seems super worried is you. You think that she is going to become less attractive because she has put on a few pounds. Welcome to the real world where not every women is a tooth pick. Link to post Share on other sites
Tigerlily76 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 A similar thing happened to me two or three years ago when I changed the type of pill I was on (the previous type gave me migraines - seems like I can't win!). I'm 5'10" and I went from a UK size 10 (US 6) to 14 (US 10). Although I have heard a theory that women tend to put on weight in happy relationships anyway, so you could see it as a compliment? javascript:emoticon('') I would think your girlfriend is only too conscious of how much weight she's put on - I know I was, particularly each time I had to buy newer and larger clothes! Aside from reassuring her that you think she looks great, is it worth suggesting that if she's concerned about it, why don't the two of you go to the gym together, go running together etc? In my own case I really struggled with motivation to do anything about the weight and a little support from my then boyfriend (who had also become somewhat more erm, 'cuddly', over the same period) would have gone a long way. Since we split up last year (not due to the weight issue, honestly!) I have lost most of the weight, partly due to coming off the pill but also from taking more exercise and watching what I eat. It's definitely worth her seeing if there's a different type of pill she could switch to, the side effects do vary lot between them. Link to post Share on other sites
clueless bf Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I'm sorry if i wasn't clear earlier, but my girlfriends weight gain doesn't change how i feel about her. I love her, not her weight. I posted earlier cause last night she was really pressuring me to give her a number on the amount of weight she's gained. She flat out asked me a bunch of times, "how much weight does it look like i have gained" and other questions like "how much weight do u think i need to lose before i can button those size 6, or my size 4's." She knows her weight doesn't matter to me and that i think she is beautiful. She just kept pushing the " You have always been honest with me, and it won't upset me, just how much do you think i've gained." While doing this she came up with the, "you prolly have to gain 5 pounds before u can't button ur pants, right" I didn't know what to say to any of this and kept my mouth shut. She has never been chubby, for lack of a better word in her life. I think she is being kinda childish about her gain hoping that she really hasn't gained that much weight, but in reality she prolly has. I was hoping to get others input before giving her a number. After we go shoping tomarow she is going home and is a lil worried about what her sister and parents are going to say. They kidded her over the summer when she bought a size 4 wardrode, and kidded her at christmas when they had to return the couple pair of size 4 jeans they got her as gifts for size 6. Now she is going home and she can't even come close to buttoning a size 6. Link to post Share on other sites
Tigerlily76 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I didn't mean to imply you were feeling differently about your girlfriend due to the weight gain - apologies if it sounded like that. I certainly wouldn't have bothered to answer if I thought you were that shallow! Really I just wanted to expand on what the other poster said about handling your girlfriend's concerns sensitively, which I'm sure is what you're intending to do. It's really hard to say how many pounds it takes to go up a dress size. For a number of reasons - firstly sizing varies a lot between different brands (for instance a 6 in one store may be the same size as an 8 in another) and secondly you can gain weight and stay the same size, or even reduce in size, because you've taken more exercise and converted fat into muscle, which weighs more than fat. Also it depends which part or parts of the body the weight is gained on. As a rough rule of thumb I would reckon about 8 pounds difference between dress sizes based on my own experience, but I'm a good half foot taller than your girlfriend so for her it may be less. But however much she has gained I am not sure that telling her you think she's gained 15-20 pounds is going to help at all. So if she is pressing you for a direct answer, perhaps go for the lower end of the range? I would be surprised if she weren't upset though, particularly if her family aren't being very tactful about her weight at the same time. She may need reassurance (and support over losing some weight) more than a straight answer in this case, but you are the best judge because you know her best. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Holy crow, a 5'3 woman fitting into a size 2? Was she like ultra-skinny or what? That sounds a little too small for her height, if you ask me. I'm thinking that maybe she is at a little more sane weight now? For you to even make an issue of a mere 2 size jump says something.....more importantly, it says something to her if you are making it seem like she is becoming huge! If you think stuff like, "She was slim, now she's flabby," that tells me that maybe you ARE making it somewhat of an issue for her, even if you aren't saying it out loud. Maybe she is just getting back to a more normal weight for her. Perhaps she even has an eating disorder, and you met her when she was in the throes of it? Generally speaking, the average 5'3 woman should weigh in the range of 115 pounds, meaning she is hardly HUGE if she is a size 6. Maybe the reason it is bothering you is just because SHE is making it too much of an issue and you are just being dragged in? Her misery is your misery, kind of thing? That is possible, too. It sounds like maybe the reason your gf was so much smaller before was also that she was spending more time at the gym. This would make her capable of eating larger quantities of food without gaining. However, once she cuts back on the exercise.......Plus, working out makes your body firmer because of increased muscle tone. Naturally, she will look more 'flabby' as you put it, if she is exercising less. Don' t get me wrong, I'm not bashing your post here. You obviously care for your gf, but I don't really understand what answer you are looking for? What to say to her when she says she's too fat? Do WE think she's too fat? Or is it you would like advice because the whole issue is just plain frustrating? My two cents....support her either way. Let her know you love her no matter what, but show concern if you REALLY think her weight is getting out of hand. By that I don't mean a little cellulite on her thighs. I mean if she is what would be considered obese by a doctor's, not a fashion magazine's, standards. Good luck in any event! goodnbad Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 good lord man, don't try to guess how much weight she gained! it's a pretty simple situation. tell her that you care for her no matter what she looks like but you understand that she's not happy with herself. Offer to help her by going to the gym with her or starting to eat healthier foods together. Fortunately, she has an excellent metabolisim if she was ever a size 2 so a little effort should take her a long way. Try to make the gym a fun or social experience Link to post Share on other sites
clueless bf Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Sorry tigerlily76, it was not ur post that upset me. I want to thank u for the advice u have given. I am going to try not to give a number on her weight gain, we'll see how much she hassels me about it. Her weight is a constant thing we talk about now, and i got her to understand that she doesn't need to lose weight to make me happy. She is now focusing on getting control of her gaining. She is upset with herself for gaining in the first place and is getting depressed that she can't stop. I am picking her up soon to go shoping then i'm brining her to home for spring break. We live about an hour apart when were not at college. I'll prolly get a late night phone call with her being upset cause of her sister teasing. She jokes with them and hides that it upsets her. I really hope she can get into a size 8 cause i worried what her reaction will be if she can't. I've talked to her about changing the pill she is on. The thing is that she got it throught the colleges health center and i think its the only one it offers. She is trying to hide that she is on the pill from her parents and doesn;t want to go to her home doctor about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Beth Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Weight issues (gain or loss) should be more about the person's health, not appearance. Unfortunately for many who are experiencing it, appearance is the first concern. Try talking to her about her health, maybe she will be able to add that perspective to her weight change. Perhaps she should see her family doctor about it and ask his/her advice on how she can feel better about herself. A healthy life-style change, without focusing on losing weight, could benefit her physically and emotionally. Stress plays a big part in our bodies too, perhaps she has had more stress than usual. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I'm a chick. I can tell you that under no circumstance should you tell her how much you think she weighs or has gained. Tell her you're a guy and you wouldn't be able to guess. Maybe you should try to talk to her about other things or take her to do things that would take her mind off of her weight like movies or other activities that don't revolve around food or parties. Just keep reassuring her. Most women go through weight gain issues in college or their early 20s. She should talk to her girlfriends or maybe a counselor at school. She's not going to have any chance of losing weight if she doesn't go to the gym, period, end of story. Not knowing her family I am hesitant to say this but she should find a way to let her family know that it bothers her that they tease her. Link to post Share on other sites
clueless bf Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 Playing it smart i did not tell her how much i thought shes gained, saying that she has a better idea then i do. It took us a couple of stores before we found a pair of size 8's that fit her( thank you Old Navy). Of course she had to joke/complain on how big her legs and butt looked in then and how much her stomach and love handles bulges out. I just kept my mouthshut and let her vent. Being a size 2 last summer and now a size 8 doesnt make her that happy. The size 8 jeans are really tight and i'm afraid she if she doesn't change what she's doing she is going to grow out of them in no time. When we come back from break she is going to go to the heath center and see if they offer any other bc pills then the one she is one. I want to thank u all for ur advice. When she started to gain she always talked and joked about her weight, and didn't start asking me serious qustions till last week. I didn't know what to say and ur advice has been helpfull Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted March 21, 2005 Share Posted March 21, 2005 good for you. you're clearly a very caring and compassionate boyfriend. i hope your girlfriend realizes how lucky she is. Link to post Share on other sites
BK Girl Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 I'm not sure if this will pertain to your g/f but I know that a lot of people (myself included) will eat when they're unhappy, or stressed etc..the whole emotional eating thing. Maybe there could be something else in her life that is upsetting her and she turns to food to cope. Certainly the stress of her gaining weight would be a factor! That's something that could turn into a vicious cycle: she's unhappy cause she's gained weight, but maybe not knowing how to deal (and not being a big fan of the gym) she eats. I can't count how many times I've found comfort in a container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. That's just one thought you might want to consider. I also wanted to say that I think it's absolutely wonderful that you're standing by her and being so supportive. She's very lucky to have such a caring b/f Link to post Share on other sites
bigmacdude Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 well this has nothing to do with what you are all talking but i want to get my gf huge how can i do it without her knowing? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Why do you want to get your gf huge bigmacdude? Are you serious or ? Link to post Share on other sites
bigmacdude Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 well i like my ladys huge so is there a way of doing this? What food should i buy her? Link to post Share on other sites
opaleye Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 ha! uhhhh, I would suggest getting a larger lass to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
goodnbad Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by clueless bf Of course she had to joke/complain on how big her legs and butt looked in then and how much her stomach and love handles bulges out. I just kept my mouthshut and let her vent. My advice: next time she does this, don't remain silent. She might take this to mean that you agree with her, and that you are just being 'nice' to not say anything. Instead, tell her that you love her no matter what. You can't go wrong with that. bigmacdude, all joking aside (which is what I believe you're up to here), there is NO WAY that any woman on this planet can 'get huge' without her knowing it! Once a lady starts eating food that is going to her hips, forget it, she will clue in fast! Aside from the fact that if someone is genetically predetermined to be thin, it is likely they will stay that way, give or take a few pounds. If you really like large women, like opaleye said, find one that is already what you desire. goodnbad Link to post Share on other sites
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