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The 'Fat Acceptance' Movement


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Eighty_nine

I saw this blog post, which was interesting:

6 Things I Don?t Understand About The Fat Acceptance Movement | Thought Catalog

 

There's a lot of that I don't necessarily agree with, but I have on my own questioned if this movement is particularly helpful.

 

NOTE: this isn't an invitation to fat shame, because that is NOT OK.

 

One very POSITIVE thing about this movement is that it counteracts all the stuff we see in the media letting us know that the only way we're worthy is if we're thin. Those ideas are profoundly damaging to women.

 

However, the fat acceptance movement is also damaging in the opposite direction. I'm all for curvy, size 16 girls, for example. But when you get a lot higher than that, that's some seriously risky extra weight. I know that not ALL overweight people are unhealthy. That's also a factor in this... how do we know the limits between healthy/unhealthy? How, exactly, do we measure that?

 

How do we find a balance between accepting ALL body types and encouraging women to stay healthy?

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whirl3daway

I actually find this piece to be just about how I feel about the whole HAES thing. I think the IDEA of fat acceptance stems from a good place - the idea that self love should not come from external validation. You can and should love yourself no matter what you look like. Loving yourself DOES NOT mean ignoring the fact that your health is suffering though, in my opinion.

 

I am not a tiny thing - I am 5'6 and wear a size 8-10 and I weight lift so I'm not petite by any means. Society tells both men and women that we are not beautiful or worthy of love unless we are x, y, z but that's just not true. That's an extremely unhealthy view and THAT is the real thing we need to work on. Fat acceptance is the other extreme of this, unfortunately.

 

I wish we could spend a bit more time teaching self-worth, self-respect and internal validation instead of teaching our children that people who look like celebrities and models and movie actors are the only ones worthy of those things.

 

I think a lot of people would actually be thinner if we taught those things.

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It's a tough balance. I was skinny my whole life. I was 120 lbs, 5'7 & a size 4 until I hit my 40s. Now I'm a size 10 & I hate it! I'm trying to accept my own fat & work out to counteract it but it's tough.

 

 

There's a difference between being curvy & being obese. While it's still wrong to be mean to an obese person, that is an illness & potentially fatal one. Some encouragement to reduce that level of fat & improved nutrition may be in order.

 

 

I feel like I can't say much. I only have 1 friend with whom I discuss my weight gain because it's a pretty high class problem. I certainly can't whine about it to people who are heavier then I am now at my fattest

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I have no idea what it is like to be fat I was a fat baby when I was born I was 10 pounds 2 ounces .

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How do we find a balance between accepting ALL body types and encouraging women to stay healthy?

 

What does it mean to not accept a person's body?

 

I don't think there is any respectful alternative to accepting people at all sizes. That doesn't mean we, as a culture, need to accept all dietary or lifestyle choices. But our culture promotes unhealthy diet and lifestyle, and then rejects the body types that naturally result. It's messed up.

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I think we've become a little too accepting of obesity, but it's important to express disapproval in a way that's helpful. Shaming or humiliating people into depression doesn't help, and it probably even makes the problem worse.

 

FWIW, I also don't really care for people who are excessively vain either. The whole bikini body mom thing got old like yesterday. If you've got it, flaunt it but know the time and the place. And please, for the love of God, don't be insufferable on the internet.

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This movement did start from a good place, but like any moment these days, it's being hijacked by people who misrepresent the movement and what it's about.

 

 

It's gone from women being more accepting of their bodies, to trying to change society's standard of beauty, to the new wave of hypocritical reverse fat shaming. Where when some one doesn't find a fat person attractive, they get called shallow, cruel, bullying etc.

 

 

You can't force some one to accept you. You definitely can't force some one to like you or be attracted to you.

 

 

 

But if you want my personal opinion, women are way harder on other women who are fat, or maybe not even fat, but once the claws come out body shaming is the go to.

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Eighty_nine
What does it mean to not accept a person's body?

 

 

I'd say that's up to each persons individual opinion. to me it means not body shaming in any subtle or blatant way; it also means being open minded about attractiveness, even if they don't fit into an idealized image of how they 'should' look.

 

I feel differently about this now, as my bf is a bit overweight and previously I thought I wouldn't be sexually into overweight guys. But I liked him and didn't write him off for that reason, and my theory of not being into guys with a little meat on them turned out to be totally wrong. A lesson learned.

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autumnnight

I think, like tolerance, the word acceptance has gotten all twisted. I do not have to be attracted to a body to accept it. I do not have to believe someone is objectively healthy or even visibly appealing to accept them.

 

I agree completely that we shouldn't shame, namecall, etc. But I'm sorry, a 600 pound woman is NOT attractive, IMO, regardless of her TLC reality show. That has nothing to do with me accepting that she has value as a person. I also don't think an 80 pound woman is attractive either, and both are crazy if they don't think their size is a health issue.

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Eighty_nine

^im not suggesting we should be attracted to all body types. I'm suggesting maybe it wouldn't hurt for many of us to widen our spectrum of appealing body types a bit

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^im not suggesting we should be attracted to all body types. I'm suggesting maybe it wouldn't hurt for many of us to widen our spectrum of appealing body types a bit

 

I think we already have. Most men don't mind a few extra pounds. It's not just hollywood size 1 who turns heads. Women size 4, 6, 8, 10 even some 12 are attractive, but how much higher are we going? It's getting a little crazy.

 

Tess Holliday: Plus-Size Model Blogs About Challenging Perceptions of Beauty : People.com

 

There was a thread a few weeks ago about this lady who's a 300 pound model. Most everyone besides the "mean people" said it was fine, there're men out there who like it. There are, but trust me, it ain't that many.

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I personally know a few Chinese mothers that have told their daughters, "Hey fatty lose some weight." How are you going to get a man being fat ?

 

I am not sure that is the best way to go about it but it beats dancing around the issue .

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I personally know a few Chinese mothers that have told their daughters, "Hey fatty lose some weight." How are you going to get a man being fat ?

 

I am not sure that is the best way to go about it but it beats dancing around the issue .

Right because that's the issue -- not the health of the girl.
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TaraMaiden2

What others think of your shape = irrelevant.

 

What others think about your health = relevant.

 

What people's tastes are = nothing you can do anything about.

 

What YOU think about your shape = relevant.

 

What YOU think about your health = important.

 

What YOUR tastes are = your business.

 

The important things to bear in mind, are twofold:

 

One: Words can hurt. Really badly. Watch your tongue.

 

Two: No matter what a person looks like, they have feelings to consider and a heart that can love and wants to be loved.

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PrettyEmily77

That a movement like that has to exist in the first place is a pb, TBH. 'Accepting' ppl shouldn't even be open to debate; that should be standard.

 

 

If ppl want to improve their health / lose weight / whatever, it's no one else's business but them. No one else can fix it for them anyway. It's a very tricky road though, paved with self-blame, dealing with bullying, depression and yeah overall, sadly, struggling to be accepted. Empathy would work better than acceptance, IMO.

 

 

In my line of work, I've daily proof that 'normal' is a fallacy anyway - unfortunately, diseases affect ppl indiscriminately, whatever your weight.

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I personally know a few Chinese mothers that have told their daughters, "Hey fatty lose some weight." How are you going to get a man being fat ?

 

I am not sure that is the best way to go about it but it beats dancing around the issue .

 

LOL!

 

Dude, Chinese parents will totally humiliate their children. Kinda like the GEICO commercial, "It's what they do." My wife is Chinese and she tells me all kinds of stories. I lived in Japan for a few years and saw somewhat similar parenting, though not to the extreme that Chinese parents go to. However, they see it as a good thing, a character building exercise. They really take a dim view of American parenting and this whole notion of self-esteem building. Personally, I think Americans could be a little more Chinese and the Chinese could be a little more American.

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Eighty_nine
I think we already have. Most men don't mind a few extra pounds. It's not just hollywood size 1 who turns heads. Women size 4, 6, 8, 10 even some 12 are attractive, but how much higher are we going? It's getting a little crazy.

 

Tess Holliday: Plus-Size Model Blogs About Challenging Perceptions of Beauty : People.com

 

There was a thread a few weeks ago about this lady who's a 300 pound model. Most everyone besides the "mean people" said it was fine, there're men out there who like it. There are, but trust me, it ain't that many.

 

Size 12 women can actually still be fairly slim, though. I think it sounds bigger than it is. I think women don't really start getting "plus" sized til 16 and up. I think sizing is used to stigmatize too-- like a man could look at a woman and deem her sexy, but finding out she's a size 14 would put him off. It's a cultural thing, I don't think men consciously choose to be this way... but i'd like to see them try to think differently.

 

I know I have "sizing" issues. I was a size 14 at my heaviest, but still got plenty of male attention (partially because my curves are in the right places). Then I happened to lose a little weight and was a 12 for awhile, now I'm consciously trying to lose weight and have, but I'm only down to a size 10. Until I'm an 8, I "feel" still not slim enough. Even though I really like the way my body looks. I know it's maladaptive thinking, but this is also part of "fitting in" as an American woman. We are socialized to think this way.

Edited by lissvarna
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Size 12 women can actually still be fairly slim, though. I think it sounds bigger than it is. I think women don't really start getting "plus" sized til 16 and up. I think sizing is used to stigmatize too-- like a man could look at a woman and deem her sexy, but finding out she's a size 14 would put him off. It's a cultural thing, I don't think men consciously choose to be this way... but i'd like to see them try to think differently.

 

I know I have "sizing" issues. I was a size 14 at my heaviest, but still got plenty of male attention (partially because my curves are in the right places). Then I happened to lose a little weight and was a 12 for awhile, now I'm consciously trying to lose weight and have, but I'm only down to a size 10. Until I'm an 8, I "feel" still not slim enough. Even though I really like the way my body looks. I know it's maladaptive thinking, but this is also part of "fitting in" as an American woman. We are socialized to think this way.

This is the problem. Just keep raising the bar.

Edited by jay1983
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autumnnight

I never tell people what size I wear. Not that I lie or keep it a secret or anything. I am tall and well-proportioned (as in, one part isn't way off balance with another). I have smallish hands and feet, and a long neck, so I appear leaner than I am.

 

I remember my ex picking up my jeans off the floor to fold them one morning, and he caught a glimpse of the size. He asked before thinking, "Do you really were this size??" Then he started to stammer and backtrack. I just laughed and said, "Yep, why?" He said, "I always assumed this was a big size. But you aren't big at all...you're amazing."

 

Size 8 at 5 feet and size 8 at 5 feet 10 inches can look completely different.

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Eighty_nine
This is the problem. Just keep raising the bar.

 

 

I'm not sure if you're directing that toward me personally, but it is very difficult for both men and women to resist societal pressure both to BE thin and to BE WITH a thin partner. But I agree that this reinforces the problem.

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I never tell people what size I wear. Not that I lie or keep it a secret or anything. I am tall and well-proportioned (as in, one part isn't way off balance with another). I have smallish hands and feet, and a long neck, so I appear leaner than I am.

 

I remember my ex picking up my jeans off the floor to fold them one morning, and he caught a glimpse of the size. He asked before thinking, "Do you really were this size??" Then he started to stammer and backtrack. I just laughed and said, "Yep, why?" He said, "I always assumed this was a big size. But you aren't big at all...you're amazing."

 

Size 8 at 5 feet and size 8 at 5 feet 10 inches can look completely different.

 

 

Yep, I was just going to say the same thing. Right now I'm a size 8 and I hate it! It's the biggest I've ever been because I'm very petite and ideally I'd like to be around a size 4. Size 4 may sound small to some people but when I'm a size 4 I look healthy and slim but not skinny. If I were a size 12 I'd be downright roly poly fat. Bottom line you can't base anyones appearance based on what size they wear because of different heights and body types.

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TaraMaiden2

It's odd to us British to hear you guys talking about size 8 and 10 being big...

 

Maybe it's a psychological tool, but clothing in the UK is sized differently...

 

I have to tell you, size 12 - 14 and even 14 - 16 here is standard.

And that surprises many American people until they realise what we mean by that...

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My point of view the over weight subject was formed by a couple things. I come from a family where all are over-weight to obese with no medical issue attributing to it. Just old fashion bad diet and over eating. After seeing the physical and medical effects that it caused I refuse to be fat. They have always wondered how I stay "skinny". Skinny? No pretty normal Height/Weight proportionate 5'9" 170 lbs. I simply don't eat bad,push away from the table and be active.

 

Secondly what tends to skew my opinion about the self inflicted Fat America I am forced to help pay for it. I see it 1st hand, people now qualifying for Disability being to large to work or medical issues caused by being over weight. It really hits home being a business owner being milked past the hilt by the IRS.

 

People now get to sit at home and receive checks. I get to go to work, earn the money, sign and mail off checks.

 

Seems reasonable!

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I'm not sure if you're directing that toward me personally, but it is very difficult for both men and women to resist societal pressure both to BE thin and to BE WITH a thin partner. But I agree that this reinforces the problem.
No that wasn't a personal attack. You said we should widen the spectrum, I explained that we already have. In South America, eastern europe, asia, middle east, the standard is still like america in the 70's. They're a long ways from the 300lbs model I showed you. If you/we/society keep(s) going, size 16 won't be so plus anymore, it'll be 18, then 20. I personally think this has gone far enough.

 

I don't think the social pressure thing is really the main buffer. Because if that were the case, there'd be a lot more BBW pornography for people to watch in secret.

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whirl3daway

I don't think the social pressure thing is really the main buffer. Because if that were the case, there'd be a lot more BBW pornography for people to watch in secret.

 

There's already a ... ton ... of BBW porn.

 

forgive me for this terrible pun.

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