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Demeaning comments about body


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Today a comment was made to me and it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

4 different men this month (all coworkers) have made demeaning remarks about my body.

 

What the hell?

 

I mean, the occasional mean remark is to be expected, but 4 in a month alone? It has worn on me and today I felt pretty bad about it.

 

All 4 comments were in reference to my butt. Which sucks, but I expect it. I have always gotten lousy comments about how my butt isn't big enough. I got teased endlessly in high school for it.

 

It's not a big huge bubble butt. But it's not a bad butt. It's perky. It's got shape to it, and it's well kept and maintained. But it's not big.

 

I put a lot of effort into it though, and for people to just demean me in an instant because my butt apparently isn't good enough, is just maddening. I workout hard and am strict with my eating, if it weren't for the fact that I mentally enjoy it, I'd wonder what use any of it was...

 

I don't put other's body's down, and even though over time I've come to expect it, it still hurts no matter how many times it's been said.

 

Sometimes I wish people would just keep their mouths shut. :o

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I would tell them to shut their mouths. I'm well over being polite when someone is rude to me (unless their comment doesn't get to me for some reason, or I think it's out of character).

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whichwayisup

Don't let this assh.ole piggish loser men make you feel negative about yourself and your body. It's sickening that they feel they can say stuff to you! You should ask them if they have any daughters and if so, how would they feel if their daughter came home crying their eyes out because some prick guy said negative things to her, making her feel bad.

 

Laugh it off, ignore it. Or tell them to stop it otherwise you'll go to HR and file a complaint. What they are doing is wrong and it's disgusting behaviour.

 

You are beautiful and your body is how it's meant to be, you're happy with yourself so don't let their rude comments get you down.

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You have a nice butt Phoe, but I'll admit I get the instinctual urge to be mean to you sometimes. Which I resist most of the time. But maybe whatever triggers that in me does in other guys as well.

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CrystalCastles

File a complaint.

 

Who are these idiots, to make comments about your body? Stand up to yourself and tell them to go to hell. They pick on you probably because you're too nice and don't slam them and they know they can get away with it. Complain, and hopefully the management will shut them up.

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FOUR of your co-workers made demeaning comments about your BUTT in the space of a MONTH? :confused:

 

Something is really off about this. Maybe they're behaving like frat boys and dared/bet each other to say that to see how you'd take it or something.

 

Just go file a complaint to HR.

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What did they say about it?

 

Have you had any sort of problem with these men before?

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regine_phalange

Phoe, honestly, how did you react to your coworkers these 4 times? Your post has an apologetic tone about your butt. You seem to take seriously this kind of comments, and I think this is why these people tease you. You should call them out on it and walk away.

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Where on earth are you working?

 

 

I hate to ask: were you wearing something really skin tight? As somebody who actually has hips, I have never actually gotten comments since 6th grade.

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Coworkers shouldn't make comments about your body. Male or female. Talk to your and/or their supervisors

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loveweary11

You seem really nice.

 

I think that's the problem. Some a holes are bullying you. You've got to stand up to them and tell them off. I'd go so far as to hit them back (verbally). Find the worst thing about them and make them feel bad if they ever do that to you again.

 

IMO, HR isn't the way to go. That's tattling or going to the teacher. This is adult school yard bullying and should be handled as such.

 

PS: Please don't ruin a perfect sounding butt by making it huge..... lol

 

 

Today a comment was made to me and it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

4 different men this month (all coworkers) have made demeaning remarks about my body.

 

What the hell?

 

I mean, the occasional mean remark is to be expected, but 4 in a month alone? It has worn on me and today I felt pretty bad about it.

 

All 4 comments were in reference to my butt. Which sucks, but I expect it. I have always gotten lousy comments about how my butt isn't big enough. I got teased endlessly in high school for it.

 

It's not a big huge bubble butt. But it's not a bad butt. It's perky. It's got shape to it, and it's well kept and maintained. But it's not big.

 

I put a lot of effort into it though, and for people to just demean me in an instant because my butt apparently isn't good enough, is just maddening. I workout hard and am strict with my eating, if it weren't for the fact that I mentally enjoy it, I'd wonder what use any of it was...

 

I don't put other's body's down, and even though over time I've come to expect it, it still hurts no matter how many times it's been said.

 

Sometimes I wish people would just keep their mouths shut. :o

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So what is it that bothers you more: that your colleagues are sexually objectifying you or that the comments on your butt are negative?

 

 

Sounds to me like it's the latter, which is somewhat problematic. You're a real person, not a real doll. And you'll never be able to please every single man out there. So give it up. And tell those coworkers of yours they're entitled idiots.

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I can't imagine commenting on a coworkers butt, or any part of their body. Heck just saying their new hair cut looks nice, or if they lost weight, or I like their outfit, makes me nervous with all the rules these days.

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Phoe, It isn’t about your butt or your body at all. It is about them, something going on in their heads, and for some reason they want to knock you down.

 

I look forward to the day that you post that you have moved because your location and circumstances don't seem to be fertile ground for a happy empowered life.

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Rejected Rosebud

Are you maybe like standing there asking them what they think of your butt because that is the only situation I can imagine in my wildest dreams where that could ever happen in a workplace with adults!! You do seem to be pretty active in seeking attention and validation here maybe you do it at your job too?? I hope you don't think I am trying to be mean but I can't help but think that this is a possibility, otherwise you need to report these men to your supervisor for sexual harassment.

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Today a comment was made to me and it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

4 different men this month (all coworkers) have made demeaning remarks about my body.

 

What the hell?

 

I mean, the occasional mean remark is to be expected, but 4 in a month alone? It has worn on me and today I felt pretty bad about it.

 

All 4 comments were in reference to my butt. Which sucks, but I expect it. I have always gotten lousy comments about how my butt isn't big enough. I got teased endlessly in high school for it.

 

It's not a big huge bubble butt. But it's not a bad butt. It's perky. It's got shape to it, and it's well kept and maintained. But it's not big.

 

I put a lot of effort into it though, and for people to just demean me in an instant because my butt apparently isn't good enough, is just maddening. I workout hard and am strict with my eating, if it weren't for the fact that I mentally enjoy it, I'd wonder what use any of it was...

 

I don't put other's body's down, and even though over time I've come to expect it, it still hurts no matter how many times it's been said.

 

Sometimes I wish people would just keep their mouths shut. :o

 

Are the comments demeaning in the sense that they're not a personally flattering opinion about your butt ("your butt isn't round enough!"), or demeaning in the sense that they're presuming to comment about your butt at all?

 

It actually sounds pretty nice from the way you describe it. :) If you don't mind that they're commenting and just don't like that the comments aren't favorable, I wouldn't worry bc anyone's opinion is subjective. One person's butt of horror is another person's butt of heaven and so on. If you don't like being the subject of public butt evaluation in any sense, then do go after them, because they should in no way be actually doing that if it's sth you're uncomfortable with. The only scenario I could envision where that would be ok is if you have a very informal work environment, you're good friends with these people, you've shown that you don't mind butt evaluation, and they're essentially joking anyway.

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I am sorry you had to deal with insulting comments Phoe. It would be uncalled for no matter how you looked physically. So on that note, how your butt actually looks is not at all a relevant detail.

 

I agree with the others--I was wondering why you felt the need to describe your butt for us too.

 

Also, how did this sort of thing come about? Four people in one month saying that? I'm finding that so hard to imagine. You must truly work with some sucky people. Again, it doesn't matter whether you are physically attractive or not, and I hope you get that. Anyway yeah, report it as harassment and do all that you can to get the heck out of there.

Edited by Imajerk17
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No one should be talking about your butt at work. That's ridiculous.

 

You were not hired to be attractive. Remember that.

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I'm sorry, but this whole thread strikes me as bizarre. I do get that sexual harassment goes down and goes down more than get reported, but a young woman getting insulted for her butt? 4 times in one month? How did it even come up in conversation? Did they say it to the OP's face or if not, how did she find out? I can't be the only one wondering these things.

 

Most women, if something like that happened, would feel more insulted that the guy felt that it was OK to go there in the first place. They would not be feeling the need to describe their butt to others on a public forum.

 

A harsh post. When someone posts a story on the internet that sounds far-fetched though, people are going to ask questions.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Pretty normal in my industry (sexual comments in the workplace) and men get away with it because they make enough money for the companies that it's affordable to pay off the women who complain or sue. Of course, things are marketed as 'zero tolerance' but that's just marketing, IOW a lie.

 

Given where the OP apparently lives and what I know of industry in that area, I'm not surprised in the least. A lot of macho body part stuff goes on. Whoever mentioned moving, whether that be geographically or relevant to industry, probably is spot-on. What I've noticed is some women can deal with that stuff and others can't. It's individual. If one finds the fit poor, since we can only control ourselves, well there ya go.

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Rejected Rosebud

OP would you of been happy if the guys made complimentary remarks about your butt 4 times per month??

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seekingpeaceinlove

You can't change other people...so do the best you can in ignoring them. My family, specifically my grandmother, cannot stop herself from commenting about my appearance every time she sees me.

 

The last time she says, " You haven't been exercising have you?" Now, mind you, I have been eating really clean and working out like a beast. So I say, " Actually, I have." She responds, " Your face doesn't look like it."

 

Whaddya gonna do... people will be people. Insensitive, blunt, rude, crass...you just have to let it roll off your back and continue to believe in you. The only person that you need to seek validation and acceptance from ..is YOU.

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You have a nice butt Phoe, but I'll admit I get the instinctual urge to be mean to you sometimes. Which I resist most of the time. But maybe whatever triggers that in me does in other guys as well.

 

Do you know what it is that makes you want to be mean? If you were able to explain it, maybe I could do something differently.

 

FOUR of your co-workers made demeaning comments about your BUTT in the space of a MONTH? :confused:

 

Something is really off about this. Maybe they're behaving like frat boys and dared/bet each other to say that to see how you'd take it or something.

 

Just go file a complaint to HR.

 

HR doesn't give a crap. I got physically harassed by a coworker almost 2 years ago. He grabbed my breast, 5 minutes later an HR report had been filed. HR did nothing. He continued to work there until he left after a few months to pursue something else.

 

HR is useless.

 

Phoe, honestly, how did you react to your coworkers these 4 times? Your post has an apologetic tone about your butt. You seem to take seriously this kind of comments, and I think this is why these people tease you. You should call them out on it and walk away.

 

My reaction? I sort of just walked away... I didn't want to even get involved in a discussion about it.

 

Where on earth are you working?

 

 

I hate to ask: were you wearing something really skin tight? As somebody who actually has hips, I have never actually gotten comments since 6th grade.

 

One of my pair of pants is fitted, another pair is a little bit looser.

 

Squats. Squats. Squats.

 

Sorry, that's all I've got.

 

I do squats 3-4 times a week.

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