tropical dreamz Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 I am fifteen years old and have been bulemic for nearly 6 months. I thought it would just be a once in while thing but I guess I was wrong. I feel like Im never going to recover. I lasted about 2 days the longest without throwing up . I dont feel like I can talk to my mother about this because I have put her through so much already and this will just add to the problems I already have. I really dont feel like I can talk to anybody about this and Im tired of it controlling my life. I have tried several times to stop this and figured whatever goes in my mouth stays in my mouth but then later on after eating all healthy foods the whole day I will end up surrendering to all these unhealthy foods and stuff myself so much that I could almost throw up wothout force. I work at a fast food place which also tempts me alot too. This is getting so out of hand and Im scared because I already get bad tooth aches, I already suffered from acid reflux since I was 10 , and now with this, I dont even want to imagine the damage it will do to me. Everytime I purge I say its my last and yet it never is. I need help, advise, anything, please. Oh yes, and I was also wondering if anybody would know if the gastro-neurologist(or something like that) would be able to tell im bulemic because i have an appt. with one in a few weeks to see whats up with my acid-reflux. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 If you've tried to stop on your own and you can't do it, you definitely need to talk to someone. The longer you go on doing this, the harder it's going to be for you to stop, and the more damage you're going to do to your body. You're going to hurt your teeth and your esaphagus very badly. If you feel like you can't talk to your mom, there are always other adults to turn to. Try your doctor, a teacher, a pastor, anyone, there are many people who care about you and will do anything to help. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Your mom might feel bad to find out you have a problem, but she'll feel much, much worse if you get very sick or die because of it. She will be very sad to think you thought you couldn't come to her for help, but if you really don't want to, then ask others. It is no crime or sin to not be able to beat these things on your own - heck, if it were easy, everybody would get over it just like that. The sooner you get help, the easier it will be to defeat it - I don't know from personal experience but I've read and heard stories from people who have suffered and they agree that getting help fast is important. Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 i am thinking that working in a fast food evironment is not good for someone in your condition. i worked fast food jobs before, and it grosses you out so much that it makes you not want to have that type of food in your system. i don't think working at a place like that is a good idea. you need to go to your mom. this can be a life long battle that ends in death for many people, it is good that you have realized that you have a problem early. talk to her. you never really mentioned why you feel the need to vomit after eating. i know that feeling overweight is not the only reason. you are doing serious damage to your body. i remember hearing a story of a woman who was pregnant and bulimic. she had always thought she would put the baby first, but in the end she couldn't. most people have trouble overcoming this themselves. as i understand it is a neurological disorder. if anything use us as a support group. talk to us everytime you feel like "pulling the trigger". we will talk you out of it. that is what we are here for. i will be here if you need to send me a private message. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Can you talk to a doctor, or school counsellor about this? They should be able to help you out. You do need help to overcome this. Eating disorders have a way of sneaking up on you and taking hold...I know! You can overcome it though...but often an outside person needs to help you break the cycle. Also, I agree that your mum would rather know...than not know. She loves you. You are her child. She'd want to be able to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropical dreamz Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 I agree that I should tell somebody but I wasnt sure if it all came from within. I dont feel like I have control of my life anymore. Between friends and family issues I feel i get most stressed over and is often when my binge eating happens. I do fear being "fat" because I was overweight last year and then I didnt eat for a long time and lost 30 pds now im just right I think...but I dont know how to have normal eating habits. Its like I either eat alot and binge or dont eat at all,and usually I binge whether its at teh movies, restaurant, friends houses, you name it. Nobody found out yet because Im usually in private , or at my house and I turn my shower on to pretend thats what im doing. Im not sure who to talk to about it because its embaressing and I dont feel I can talk to anybody close-im also not sure how to approach the person i talk to about it. I almost made it 2 days but that just changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropical dreamz Posted July 4, 2004 Author Share Posted July 4, 2004 ok that didnt just change i ate alot but im going to keep it in my stomach even though its probly 1000 calories I would rather be chubby then die. I just hope I can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 OK. You can do it. Believe that. Food is not the enemy..or something to fight and control. It is your friend. It nourishes you and your cells, and your brain. Be kind to your body. It is your friend too. If you treat it nicely, it will stabilise at the weight which is right for you. Healthy eating, some exercise. That's it. But it WILL be hard. Like I said- I do know how hard it can be to shake an eating disorder. When I saw a counsellor about an eating disorder, I was just upfront. I said, "I have an issue with eating and food...a control issue. Problem is, it controls me. I hate the way I feel about it. Can you help?" And they did help! They'll show you different ways of viewing food, and what you eat. And also help you overcome the underlying problems/issues/fears which are driving this condition. It might take a little while to get there...but if you act now, before this goes on any longer, it will be easier. Is there someone at your school? A year advisor or the like? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 There is nothing to be embarrassed about! Nothing at all. No human is born so perfect that he or she can manage all of his or her life perfectly! Some folks need help with the house and others with getting organized and others with math and you with getting control over somthing that's controlling you. Nothing whatsoever wrong or bad about it. Don't eat and think it will make you chubby! Remember that a car can't run without gas. Your body *needs* food to work properly. When you eat, you are gassing up your body to let it run properly. For sure get help with this! You'll be glad you did Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Another thing...part of an eating disorder is trying to HIDE it... It can be very secretive. It's hidden away from public view, and controlled. It's normal to feel embarassed and hide it. It's what happens. It's part of the symptoms! But noone will be laughing at you! Believe me. When you start fixing this, all that will happen, is that people will applaude your strength and courage. Also, this is more common than you probably think! Lots of people suffer this. Do a web search on it, and get some info...it might help you as you start on your path to overcoming this. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 tropical, please do tell your Mum, I have kids and I can tell you that no matter how much my kids put me through, I would want to know. I'd feel really bad if they didn't tell me and let me help. I dont feel like I have control of my life anymore That is the reason you have bulimia, it's what everyone who has it feels. There are LOTS of things you can do about this but you need to tell someone first, if not your Mum then a teacher or another adult you trust. Thinkalot is right, this is a very common problem and nothing to be embarrassed about. All of us need help sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropical dreamz Posted July 5, 2004 Author Share Posted July 5, 2004 Ok I'm going to have the courage to overcome this. I know food is not the enemy I just have to take steps in getting myself to believe this. I already see a psychiatrist but not for eating disorders and I don't feel i can talk to him about it because I often feel he's against me even though he's not- I only see him because my mom forces me too, which does show me she cares so I'll tell her about this because indeed she will feel alot worse if I didn't. Today it happened again-except I felt like I was going to faint-and my heart was racing, I was wondering what was going on it definitely wasn't a good feeling though. Thanks everyone for your support I'll try my hardest to keep you updated! Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 please, please, please tell your mom. not next week, not a couple days from now...go tell her right now! what will happen when she finds you passed out in the bathroom and rushes you to the ER? i know it is hard to tell her and you feel like you need to find the right time to do it. no time will be the right time, your health is at stake, do it now! you need to get help before it controls your life even more. this is not an uncommon problem, but that does not mean this is not extremely dangerous. find the courage to tell someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Your mum obviously cares for you very much. Do tell her. Now. It will make it easier for you to start healing, and she'll be relieved to know, and perhaps support you on the sidelines too. If you don't like your current therapist, perhaps go to a different one, with whom you may feel more comfortable. I'm sure the one you are with now want to help you though. You probably feel a bit against him because your mum has insisted you go. I felt funny when I first saw a psychologist. But I got over that pretty quickly, and they helped me a lot. I'm so pleased you've decided to do something about this! Good for you...that's really strong. It will take a while to make friends with food again. But you will, and then you'll be so glad you did. Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 except I felt like I was going to faint-and my heart was racing You need to get some help NOW. This is beginning to affect your overall health. Eating disorders can damage your heart. Tell your mom before you find yourself in an ER with the doctor telling her. She will appreciate your honesty, and in the long run it will bring you closer together. This is a problem like any other-there's nothing to be ashamed of. Your mother loves you and deserves your honesty. You deserve her help. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 Ok, first off, why don't you feel comfortable telling your mom? What have you done that has "put her through so much already" First of all, when I was 16, I had this same mentality. I couldn't tell my mom. When she found out stuff I did, she freaked out, and became a maniac control freak. You don't NEED your mom being a maniac control freak. I honestly think that your mom is in the best position to help you. She will be there for you after school and work, ask her not to intrude, but invite her to monitor you for a month. Invasive parents at your age are very annoying. Mine was overly invasive, and that caused me to try harder to be sneaky. I've never even been able to make myself puke, so I don't know what you're going through. Do you feel sick, and make yourself throw up, or do you just over eat, and then throw it up to keep from gaining weight? Again, why don't you feel comfortable telling your mom? That's the most important question. Is she controlling? Is she always accusing you of being less than a good child? My mom was very controlling, and very accusitory (wd?) I would never tell my mom anything, because she was so quick to shake her head, and make me feel about an inch tall. She's "help" me, but not before making me feel horrible about whatever I'd come to her with. So I never came to her with anything, because I didn't want to be made to feel like crap on a stick. Is your mom like this? Are you afraid you'll get in trouble? Is she going to roll her eyes, give a heavy sigh, and say, "Not again." Do you have a valid reason to feel uncomfortable going to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropical dreamz Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 It is so hard to approach my mom, i tried several times. I feel like a burden on my whole family. My father spends half the year in another country and that is understandable because I know he has a wife and a child there but then I asked him when hes coming back and he got all defensive and said it was kind of selfish of me to "demand" him there and he thought I'd be mature enough to understand his situation. Im afraid my mother is already a "maniac-control" freak, she will roll her eyes and say not again (under her breath most likely). Last year I just got myself in trouble and got an (STD) that hurt her so much she still hasnt fully recovered...and we had had a very insecure relationship since and my life now is pretty dull- I dont spend much time with her anymore I dont live with her I live with my grandmother who is extremely "old-fashioned" and I know I cant talk to her about my bulemia because she will say I can control it and im probly looking for an easy way out. Thats why I really wanted to resolve this on my own if it was possible. IM such a wreck right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 You have a few options as I see it. You can at least try your mum. She may surprise you. If she acts as you predict, THEN you can seek help elsewhere...sound like a plan? People do have trouble understanding eating disorders sadly...but there are those who DO understand, so take heart. I'm sorry you've had a rough trot. Time to focus on getting better now though, and being positive about it. You have the strength! Believe it. You could even tell your mum you'd like to handle it but might need some help or advice in seeing a counsellor or something. She may be a control freak, but I'm sure she loves and cares for you a lot! Sounds tough with your Dad being away too. It's OK to find stuff hard. It doesn't make you weak- just human! Check this out too...it's on bulimia and has explanations and advice- I hope it helps!: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/page.cfm?pagecode=PBBFBN Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Tropical, we all make mistakes in life and, when we do, often our loved ones suffer too. Your Mum may have been hurt but that does not mean you are a burden to your family. No matter what her reaction, your Mum loves you. Is she going to the Doctor with you? The Doctor won't know it's bulimia but they will know it's a possibility and may ask you about it. I wasnt sure if it all came from within. I dont feel like I have control of my life anymore It's both. The thing is, when you start feeling better about yourself then the other stuff going on in your life won't make you feel so bad. There's so much help available but you need to be brave and ask for it. If you don't think telling your Mum will help then do tell a teacher, ask to see a counsellor at school or tell the Doctor. Thinkalot is right, it's OK to find life hard, you have had a tough time. It's how you respond to these challenges that will determine how successful and happy you are in life. We all know you can do it - concentrate all your effort now on believing it too. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 all i can say is i have gone from anorexic bulimia, to mainly bulimia...been like this going on 10 years....which in retrospect i am surprised i even lived pass the 5th year. been in the hosp, 7-9 times 4-5 months at a time. i have wasted much of my younger life in the hosp. now my teeth are pretty much gone, or fake, actually both. but they rot away. My teeth are the thing i regret the most. i have been through soo much pain, and then that feeds my food addiction. i probably could buy a brand new nice car with all the money i have barfed down the toilet, thrown into my teeth and paid in hosp. bills. not to mention the weakened heart i have, and vitamin deficiencies. And it will only get harder to stop, if you do not stop now! you can pm me with any ??'s Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Ok. I know how telling your mom will *make things worse* in your opinion. You couldn't possibly feel worse, and you aren't doing this on purpose. Hmmmm.....You don't feel comfortable telling your dad, because he lives in a dif country, and you don't feel comfortable telling your gramma because she wouldn't understand, and you don't feel comfortable telling your mom, because she will proceed to blame you. some help this family is. I've been there though. Since you don't live with your mom, it would probably be best to tell her, since you won't be living with her, and listening to her blaming you every day. Also, your mom probably has the means to help you. How old are you? Could you call a councellor yourself? Better yet, go to a teacher that you feel comfortable with, and they will help you to get into a program that gives free guidance. Tell your mom, though, because you need a consistant family member there for you. Who cares if she judges. At least someone will know. That way, if things get out of hand and you end up in the hospital, your mom will be able to fill the doctor in on what's going on. Based on what you told us, none of your family is a prime candidate to help you...but the lesser of three evils is your mom...so go with her. WHO CARES if it hurts your mom. She's your mom. If she was so concerned about how aweful you are, she'd have watched you closer, and you probably wouldn't be in this mess. She loves you, so she's not going to turn her back on you. Obviously, you love her, otherwise you wouldn't care to hurt her a little. How is this going to hurt her? An STD is devestating, because it can be deadly, and is usually uncurable. Bulimia can be cured with therapy. Would it really hurt your mom, or just embarass her? I think you just don't want her to be disappointed in you. My mom was really hard on me, whenever I disappointed her An STD is a disappointment, because itmeans her little girl was having sex. Bulimia is completely different, because it's a sickness that's usually brought on by stress.... From maybe a broken home? If anything, your mom will blame herself for this one. I'm suprised that no one has cought on yet!!!! If I went from being fat to skinny, my mom would have monitored my every move to make sure that I wasn't purging. Where was your mom??? Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 The thing to remember is, you can't undo the past, but you can create the future you want! Start now. Go on! It will take strength and courage, but life is full of hurdles, and we all deal with them differently. I've been battling with myown problems too...but we get there. And listen to tattoomytoe's advice. She obviously knows only too well what it's like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropical dreamz Posted July 8, 2004 Author Share Posted July 8, 2004 I spoke to my mom today, about seeing my counselor again sooner then our scheduled appt in a month but he's on vacation until next week but I'm going to make an appt. ASAP and see what he says about everything he doenst specialize in eating disorders but he does counsel people with drug problems and this is like a drug the longest ive been "clean" for was two days. I didn't tell her specifically about my eating disorder but I will if I cant go longer then 3 days or he might because i think he tells her everything i tell him anyway. An STD is very devastating thank God mine wasn't deadly but it is incurable and Ive learned a lot since then so I hope if I overcome this it will just make me stronger. My mom keeps a very close eye on me so what I usually do is if i have the house to myself for a little while, Ill do it or if she home i'll pretend imt taking a shower and then run the water and spray the bathroom after and I make it so believable.. i even come out with my hair wrapped up in a towel. I usually don't plan when I'm goingt o binge its mainly spare of the moment. I checked out the web-site, it was very helpful i want to say thanks to who sent it to me. I also know the longer I do it the harder it will be to get over and thats why I want to stop now its so hard its addicting! I don't want to lose my teeth though and dint have the $ for replacements if i did. I bought myself crest white strips- I figured maybe if they start looking whiter I'll think twice before throwing up(hopefully it works) Well I'm going to bed now my goal is to stay away from the fridge tonight and tommorow at work keep away from those whoppers! I know I can do this, I overcame allot and this too I pray will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 I'm so pleased you are taking steps forward! That's a start...and it's always hardest at first. You'll get there though. I'm glad the website was helpful Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 That's SUCH good news Well done, Tropical. Link to post Share on other sites
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