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A problem or not a problem?


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I know a lot of girls in my age group (late teens-early twenties) have problems with self esteem, body image, and eating disorders. Every time I read about the experiences of girls with eating disorders they seem to have denied their problem and reject help in the beginning. I've always also heard that they imagine themselves to have a larger body frame then they actually do. I'm 5'9'' and hadnt been weighed in a while. I always imagined myself to be 160 to 170. I have depression and a low-ish self esteem. I agonize about my flabby abs and chunky thighs. I would always spend time adding up my calorie counter and looking at the labels of food. Friends that went off the college and came back to visit said that I looked skinnier and twiggy. Recently, I went to the doctors and jumped on the scales. I was suprised to see that I only weight 130. I still consider myself heavy and a couple of cigarettes has replaced the meal of breakfast. Could I have an eating disorder? I can tell you the calorie content of almost any food out there. Like, I know a Whopper has just about half the recommend amount of daliy calories, but that doesn't stop me from eating it! And my idea of exersize is reaching for a pack of smokes and a lighter. I know my body weight it fine but I still want to be thinner, however I haven't taken any steps to becoming smaller. Also, whenever I see someone thin, I'm fasinated by them. It's nothing sexual, but I can't describe it. Can this be a start of a serious problem or am I just a typical girl with poor body image?

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