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Would you call the police on your SO?


SparklingandBroken

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SparklingandBroken

If you knew your SO was driving drunk, when they very well could have taken an uber/cab, would you call it in to the police? Is it more important to protect the innocent public or your SO who is making the decision to put others at risk? This topic came up this weekend and I am curious what others would do in the situation.

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I'd go find him and drive him home and not let it get to that point. If he's hanging with friends or at a bar, I'd call the friends and the bar and tell them to always call you if he tries to drive drunk.

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SparklingandBroken
I'd go find him and drive him home and not let it get to that point. If he's hanging with friends or at a bar, I'd call the friends and the bar and tell them to always call you if he tries to drive drunk.

 

But is that considered enabling? Removing the consequences for them so the behavior can continue?

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Veronica73

If he’s a danger to himself or others, which if he is driving drunk he is, then the possible consequences are much worse than the enabling.

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SparklingandBroken
If he’s a danger to himself or others, which if he is driving drunk he is, then the possible consequences are much worse than the enabling.

 

That's why I wondered if calling the authorities would be acceptable in this situation? If they are actively driving how are you supposed to find where they are and get them to stop driving and surrender their keys? It's one thing if you know where they are but if they already got behind the wheel then what?

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I think if you can keep him from driving drunk by picking him up, you should. Just having him arrested isn't going to fix his alcoholism. So you have to address that separately. And yes, you might have to leave him if he won't stop.

 

Have you been in the car with him after he's been drinking and seen how he drives? Is he reeling all over, or does he seem like he manages? Also, is this a bar or a friend serving him? Whoever it is needs to be told. Bars can be held responsible for that. Friends should take their keys if they're real out of it.

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But is that considered enabling? Removing the consequences for them so the behavior can continue?

 

The hard core AA people will tell you it's enabling. I think driving a drunk home is public service that protects the public. I know a lot of alcoholics. I won't buy them alcohol; I won't clean up puke; I won't make excuses for them but I will put their sorry butt in my car for everyone else's safety.

 

That said, No I would not call the police on them.

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The Outlaw

No, I wouldn't call the police. I'd rather her take an uber or I'd drive her. There wouldn't be any driving of any kind until she sobered up.

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SparklingandBroken
Also, is this a bar or a friend serving him? Whoever it is needs to be told. Bars can be held responsible for that. Friends should take their keys if they're real out of it.

 

Very good point!

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LivingWaterPlease

This is something I've never thought about but would consider if all else failed. I would try other things first, though. However, what if someone was killed while one was trying to put into place other options is a sobering (excuse the pun!) thought.

 

I know several people who've lost family members through drunk driving. All of them were related to the drivers who were drunk and were killed. I'd bet everything I have that if they could take it back and call the police on their loved one that night they'd do it.

 

I also have a friend whose son was drunk and walked into the street right into pathway of a drunk driver! He comes from a family who have every advantage on earth, good looks, lots of money, high social position. Yet his life is ruined since he has a brain injury that insures he'll never be able to go to college or have any kind of a career he'd otherwise have had. He'll live with his parents for the rest of his life as he can't function alone now.

 

Would they call the cops on this boy if they had a do over? I'm certain they would.

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Would they call the cops on this boy if they had a do over? I'm certain they would.

 

The police don’t have the time or resources to put out an APB or scour the streets for a reported drunk driver. At the most, they might show up at the intended destination and arrest him upon arrival.

 

Drunk driving is a societal problem, not a police issue...

 

Mr. Lucky

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One of the big side issues of drunk driving is that you could be driving perfectly fine or even sitting still at a stoplight, but if someone t-bones you, they will automatically say it's the drunk driver who is at fault because he/she shouldn't have been there, which I do not think is fair.

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LivingWaterPlease
The police don’t have the time or resources to put out an APB or scour the streets for a reported drunk driver. At the most, they might show up at the intended destination and arrest him upon arrival.

 

Drunk driving is a societal problem, not a police issue...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Interesting, thanks, Mr. Lucky! I didn't know this.

 

I might still try it, though, and I agree it's a societal issue not a police issue but rather than have a loved one killed I might call them anyway. I think I'd pull out all the stops after what I've seen people go through who've been affected. I've called the police for less and have had them show up.

 

One of my sons got in trouble while in college for having an open alcohol container in his vehicle. I wasn't satisfied the consequences were harsh enough and requested a stiffer penalty (they wouldn't do it, though). It (clamping down on him bc I did it in several different ways) was tough love and it worked.

PS Meant to write "ensure" rather than "insure" in my other post but was too late to edit

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The police don’t have the time or resources to put out an APB or scour the streets for a reported drunk driver.

 

where I live they do. all you have to do is call 911 with a license plate # and make/model/colour of the offending vehicle

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Art_Critic

No I wouldn't.. yeah it might be enabling some but the consequences would include me.. an attorney 5k, a fine 1k, possible jail time and all the insurance bump for the next 7 years.. the loss of the drivers license and me taking them to work for the next year....all of that would impact me too....

 

I would however deal with it head on at home afterward.. no enabling from me.

I would have went and got them, brought them home and go from here.

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todreaminblue
But is that considered enabling? Removing the consequences for them so the behavior can continue?

 

would it be considered enabling if you stopped a person from walking into traffic and being hit by a car driven by a drunk driver.........deb

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major_merrick

If you are in a committed relationship, you have the obligation to protect your partner. No matter what. And that never Never NEVER involves calling the damn cops. The consequences to your partner also affect you, in case you can't figure that one out.

 

Anybody who would consider calling the cops on their partner for any reason simply doesn't deserve to have a partner. The police aren't your friends - they are there to fine (rob) you, beat you, and take your rights.

 

That said, you are under no obligation to remain in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly stupid. Driving drunk is stupid.

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I did on my ex but that is only because she shot at me and my then fiance. Once somebody crosses the line into actual violence against you what choice do you have?

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major_merrick

Woggle, I suspect that the OP's situation is quite different from trading gunfire with your ex. But, I would say that if an ex of mine started shooting at me, I would only call the cops AFTERWARD. As in, call the cops so they can come make some chalk lines on the ground. Cops are worse than useless for preventing anything.

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where I live they do. all you have to do is call 911 with a license plate # and make/model/colour of the offending vehicle

 

They'll certainly take a report But with thousands - or millions, depending on locale - of cars on the road, the options are limited...

 

Mr. Lucky

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todreaminblue

hey op, i would be concerned dating someone who drove drunk for the simple fact they have no regard for human life.....

in an honest and committed relationship i would know beforehand where my partner would be and if it involved drinking(which i dont drink would also prefer a partner who didnt drink) i would make sure arrangements were in place where he was not driving...prevention is the only answer....

my ex beat me once ......because i took his keys and hid them and would not give them back because he was drunk.i would cop a beating in other words before i let anyone drive drunk.....and no....after eh beat me ...i didnt call the cops...i believe in in-house consequences.....

 

my exes consequence .....he had to look at me the next day and days after with the damage he had done to my head...and believe me when i say HE DID feel the burn of shame and guilt...he never drunk rum again........deb

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In a small town the cops will come if you call them with a plate # & a description of the car. I don't know about a big city but a small town, they will be all over that report. If they don't respond there would be public outcry if the drunk killed an innocent motorist.

 

As Art Critic pointed out, there are consequences for the person who called. That person could have to testify to show that the cops had probable cause. The drunk will need a lawyer. Depending on how intertwined the couple is, that fee will come out of the caller's pocket. The drunk will face fines, surcharges & insurance increases for 3-4 years. All told, where I live this amounts to over $20,000 when you factor in the need for daily rides. It can also affect somebody's ability to hold or get a job. It will affect somebody's ability to adopt a child or be a foster parent. The repercussions are more widespread then people understand.

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Woggle, I suspect that the OP's situation is quite different from trading gunfire with your ex. But, I would say that if an ex of mine started shooting at me, I would only call the cops AFTERWARD. As in, call the cops so they can come make some chalk lines on the ground. Cops are worse than useless for preventing anything.

 

I am glad I didn't do that.

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I did on my ex but that is only because she shot at me and my then fiance. Once somebody crosses the line into actual violence against you what choice do you have?

 

your ex was a class act woggle

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