IloveJames Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Hi, I’m going through a painful breakup and one of the reasons for that was his excessive drinking. I am trying to find answers to some questions... does it sound like he was/is an alcoholic? He drinks every day. Says he doesn’t like drinking before noon but sometimes brunch at 11:30 comes with 2 beers. He never gets drunk. He can consume 4 beers in 2 hours and be totally fine. He always had an excuse why he is drinking: first he didn’t have a job, then he was lonely, then he was stressed at work... He avoids liquor but drinks mainly beer and wine in huge wuantities. I have seen empty bottles of the two buck chuck in his trash can which means he drinks alone at night. Keeps saying my smoking cigarettes enables his drinking?! Purchased 4 bottles of liquor as a gift for me, tried one, then opened and poured the rest in the drain to avoid temptation. He brought me theee bottles of whiskey as a gift from him recent business trip. I barely drink. A drink socially is enough for me. What do you think? Heavy drinking? Bad habits? Or alcoholism? I think I escaped something pretty dangerous.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 he is a big time alcoholic and needs to get into treatment or he will die or kill someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 That's a heavy drinker by any medical definition of the term. He will die of this or kill someone else. You did a great thing to part ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IloveJames Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 Thank you. On the flip side, he never gets angry, never has withdrawal symptoms, and had a period of time when he was hitting the gym twice a day and stopped drinking. He says he can’t do both, almost like replacing one addiction with another’s It would help me if you point out which of the above mentioned Behaviors point to alcoholism? He was convinced and convincing me that he is “getting there” and has cut back a lot, but I don’t see that. Once we had a fight and he admitted that he drinks way more than what I see (which is 2-3 beers per night). Basically, does two-three beers a night plus secret wine drinking at home equal alcoholism? I’m working hard on convincing myself that I did the right thing although it breaks my heart. He became obese too. All this beer... Over 320lbs Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Addiction is …a primary, chronic, neurobiological disease, with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. It is characterized by behaviors that include one or more of the following: impaired control over drug use, compulsive use, continued use despite harm, and craving. Quote by my professional organization. He's obese. He can't stop drinking. He's barely ready to stop alcohol much less address the medical consequences of being 320 lb. He says your behaviors enable his drinking. He's not that motivated otherwise he would stop already. He's trying to hide it (pouring liquor down the drain). He's made huge financial expenditures to acquire alcohol. There you have it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Arm chair diagnosing is rarely accurate but think about these Qs. It's designed for somebody to answer about themselves: Am I Alcoholic Self Test Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking? Do you drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone? Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink? Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends say you didn't pass out? When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won't know about it? Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available? Are you more in a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be? Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking? Has a family member or close friend expressed concern or complained about your drinking? Have you been having more memory blackouts recently? Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they've had enough? Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily? When you're sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking? Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking? Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking? Have you ever had a DWI driving while intoxicated or DUI driving under the influence of alcohol violation, or any other legal problem related to your drinking? Are you having more financial, work, school, and/or family problems as a result of your drinking? Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking? Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking? Do you sometimes have the shakes in the morning and find that it helps to have a little drink, tranquilizer or medication of some kind? Have you recently noticed that you can't drink as much as you used to? Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time? After periods of drinking do you sometimes see or hear things that aren't there? Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your drinking? Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after periods of heavy drinking? Have any of your blood relatives ever had a problem with alcohol? the more yes answers, the more likely a problem exists Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 It would help me if you point out which of the above mentioned Behaviors point to alcoholism? OP, why is the label important? Alcohol plainly controls his life, and not in a healthy way. It’s costing him his health and, absent change, will take his life. You can neither control nor cure him. Let him go... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 His tolerance for alcohol is such that he isn’t affected by a few beers. Regardless of his behavior, he is by every definition an alcoholic. You made a good decision to leave. You can’t help him, he will stop drinking only when he decides he is ready... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 I am trying to find answers to some questions... does it sound like he was/is an alcoholic? You already know that he is, and that you were right to leave him because of it. If you are not yet ready to give him up, then it will be more constructive to start being honest with yourself about that and start exploring what you can have from life with him in it, that you cannot, without him. Link to post Share on other sites
LeeA18 Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 I can relate. My ex is a heavy drinker. We used to work together and he would always walk in and say something about how dusty he was feeling. I didn’t realise how bad his drinking was until we started to date. Everything seemed to revolve around alcohol. His family were enablers. Unfortunately he has depression and anxiety and uses alcohol to self-medicate. He also put on weight because of the alcohol. He has a high tolerance. That’s one thing I don’t miss. All the drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
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