Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Addiction & Recovery

Spouse is ok with my drug habit ????

Addiction & Recovery Recognizing, conquering, and coping with addictions, substance abuse & dependence.

Like Tree9Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th November 2017, 8:13 AM   #16
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Mountain View
Posts: 745
How about having enough courage to stop making excuses? Because you are knowingly killing yourself.

How about having enough self esteem to realize you deserve better?

How about going to marriage counseling with your wife, because she is fearful of losing you?
Cali408 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2017, 4:14 AM   #17
Established Member
coolheadal's Avatar
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,151
Originally Posted by DarkestLight View Post
I was a functioning addict for 10 years.
Meaning that I didn't hang out with drug users or engage in reckless or weird activity. I would go to work everyday and school PT.

Drug addiction was my only real hang up. I met, my now wife, and really wanted to pursue it. A friend who knew I used told her I needed to be honest right off the bat. So I was. I told her I use drugs every day. She didn't judge,
she didn't run away. I have never lied to her about it, if I had to leave to pick up, I told her where I was going. I never used in front of her.
We got married, bought a house.

She knew I've always wanted to get sober. The only issue is, I didn't have time to recover from with drawl.

School ended, I left one job for another and had a nice 2 week gap.

I decided to get sober (9/20/2016). It was brutal.

I stayed clean until May 2017, short relapse (2 day thing)
then again in June 2017.

I've always told her it is really hard. While the drug is destructive and life was better without it, I still had these moments where I just ... wanted it.

When I would try to deal with it by talking to her, she would just tell me, "It's ok, you can go get some if you want" ...

I'm a little confused by this and am looking for some insight.

I appreciate that she didn't judge at the start, I understand why she was distant as I detoxed (she has never seen it, wasnt sure how what to do to help me) ... but in my moments of weakness (and yes I've discussed it with her before posting online) she encourages me to return to drugs rather than be that ear, or be the comforting support.

I don't use it as a free card or reason to go run out and get loaded ...
I usually just try another way to distract myself until the craving goes away.

It just seems odd to me.

Most people are given the ultimatum by their spouse to stop.
I've seen spouses of a recovering addict celebrate dates, milestones of sobriety ... not mine ...

Anyone have any insight on this situation ? or been in this situation ?

I've even asked her to not suggest drugs to me in those moments, and she still does.

Is there a better way to ask for her support ?

It kinda seems to me, that .... she just doesn't care. I'm at a loss.

Thank you to those who took the time to read this ......
I don't judge either. She's like me in many ways. So you have someone who stands by you.. Sounds like she doesn't want to know what your on control substance abuse. Are you still taking drugs or did you quit Bit confusing sound like your on and off again. She still with you just accept that and stop worry over things. I take it she doesn't do drugs either?
Age doesn't matter, but Love does matter! Which love it's the magical one "I love you" also I am in love with you" More powerful than anyone age! If you really love that person you are so interested in you would move heavens and mountains to reach them!'
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2017, 4:33 AM   #18
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,835
She doesn't understand the dynamics of the disease... so you can't expect her to.

She simply doesn't know.

This is only up to you. Have you looked for support in an AA or NA meeting? That's where to go to get supportive people that understand the disease and what it's like to recover.

Also, seek professional help. A great trauma counselor can help in many ways. Go long term every week or two for an extended period of time - that really helped me.

Good job on quitting... it's not easy but it is worth it! Keep on keeping on.

Be you. Let your wife be herself. She doesn't have to carry your burdens - especially since she doesn't understand this one. Handle this on your own by getting the help you need.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2017, 4:38 AM   #19
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,835
Originally Posted by DarkestLight View Post
Actually no. I have the attention span of a gerbil.

Havent talked to a doc because they will think I am pill seeking .....
My doctor knows to never offer me any medication that alters, ever. He's also a very good support to me.

YOU set the standard for your care - you tell the dr what you won't consider.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2017, 1:56 AM   #20
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 169
First of all, I want to say congratulations for taking this big step. I don't even know you, and am already proud - I'm proud of any human being who chooses to better themselves. You are strong!

My ex was an ex-meth addict. He hadn't used it for 10 years when we met, but what he did after quitting meth was turn to pot and regular drinking to cope. He gets stoned every night and drinks most nights, and it was one of the things that ruined our relationship. He had a lot of emotional issues that were not dealt with, I kept asking him to get counselling for it, and to work on the addictions, and he never did. Being a stoner made him lazy, apathetic, he got laid off/fired from multiple jobs, didn't help me around the house, had no goals or ambitions, was a terrible listener etc, and drinking on top of that didn't help either.

I would have been so so proud of him if he had taken the steps to quit that you did (I know he quit meth before, but essentially replace one vice with two others), and if he had, I believe our relationship could have been saved, maybe. I'm not sure why your wife isn't being more supportive, I find it odd for sure, but I think maybe she's scared that by bettering yourself you'll realize you don't need her, that you can do better etc...people have all sorts of internal insecurities that they are sometimes ashamed to admit.
Nothingtolose is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why [does a betrayed spouse reconcile with a cheating spouse]? Leigh 87 General Relationship Discussion 39 26th May 2014 3:00 AM
Ex blames me for her drug habit Woggle Dating 15 9th December 2008 5:04 PM
Friends Husband May Have Drug Habit! billboo Addiction & Recovery 0 15th June 2008 4:57 PM
Friends Husband May Have Drug Habit! billboo Friendship 0 15th June 2008 4:51 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:09 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.