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-   -   Addicted to Cocaine (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/addiction-recovery/567250-addicted-cocaine)

Floveet 26th January 2016 4:36 AM

Addicted to Cocaine
 
Hello Everybody !

Here's a quick summary of my addiction and a retrospective on what I am doing.

First of all, I am 26 years old, Project manage by day, party organiser on week-end and DJ also travelling around China (where i Live)

Quick background about drugs with me :
I started around 20 years old with MDMA, tried a LOT of different drugs going from Psychedelic, stimulants and other **** that you could swallow or put in ur nose.
I have stopped all of them beside Psychedelic once every 6 months.

4 years ago, I dated a rich Taiwan women who appears to introduce me Cocaine. In a few months I was addicted and buying my bags then going up to 4-5 grams per week.
That was a lot.
I decided to stop after a while for a whole year. Which worked, then i happened to start again once every month as a limitation .
It can sometimes last for 3 months maximum and usually I will share my bag with any guy that is interested in order not to take all bymyself.

So yes clearly I still have addiction problems.

The problem is that i don't even know if i want to stop, just reduce or do something.
It doesn't affect my life at all as I got promoted earlier, neither my love life as she knows about it.

My parents are aware of the situation but also know that they cannot do much beside supporting me.

In a way, for a long term life i would really love to stop but it seems so far and impossible right now.

The main question that I would like answer from is to know if there are any other person in my situation, if there are any person in fact with advices, even bad comments.

I am taking everything :)

Best !

carhill 26th January 2016 6:43 AM

My main observation is that you're young. The effects of your choices may not be felt for years, or decades, presuming your altered state doesn't cause an untimely death.

Cocaine was a commonly used drug when I was in my 20's and early 30's. Some companies ran on it, this back in the 1980's. People thought they were invincible. Some I guess were. Some survived. Some died. Perhaps what you're experiencing now is what we went through a few decades ago.

The only person I had regular contact with who used, mostly recreational, died a few months short of her 50th birthday. Personally, I think it was the alcohol that killed her but I don't really know. In any event, one would never know from interacting with her professionally, which I did for over a decade. Last time I saw her, she appeared fine, we hugged, said our goodbyes and that I looked forward to seeing her next time. Three months later she was dead. That was one time I was glad I stuck to my habit of telling my friends I love them.

Look around at your friends. Enjoy your youth. It's brief.

amaysngrace 26th January 2016 7:52 AM

Get your stash (if you don't have any go buy some) and flush it down the toilet.

I've quit a couple drugs that way and if I can do it
YOU CAN DO IT!!!! :bunny:

pureinheart 26th January 2016 1:08 PM

Man, I've been watching some documentaries about people/celebs (mostly celebs) who it's highly suspected that coke was the one drug that literally took them out.. wow, ya it's fun now, although in a few years (like CH stated) it will catch up.. coke affects many organs in the body, mainly the heart.

Thankfully my system weirded out after a surgery ... oh how I'm grateful for that because I could no longer tolerate any drug for any length of time or massive quantities. That right there probably saved my life.

Just say no. Change your mind.

Robert Z 26th January 2016 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Floveet (Post 6750477)
In a way, for a long term life i would really love to stop but it seems so far and impossible right now.

The main question that I would like answer from is to know if there are any other person in my situation, if there are any person in fact with advices, even bad comments.

I am taking everything :)

Best !

The only drug that I've seen ruin more lives than cocaine is meth. It was hugely popular and the choice was generally to quit or die... or end up in jail. How do you like the idea of spending time in jail in China? Do they treat their prisoners well?

I know its fun and the brain chemistry is hard to resist, but it really isn't a drug you can live with. The best way to gain the desire to quit something like cocaine [or food addiction for that matter] is to learn how it works and how it affects the body. So do yourself a favor: If you are going to give up control of your life to a drug, understand the choice you are making.


I did cocaine for a time as a young guy; right until I found myself standing in the shower and praying I didn't die of a heart attack, at about age 20.



Quote:

Here's what happens in the body:
  • Heart. Cocaine is bad for the heart. Cocaine increases heart rate and blood pressure while constricting the arteries supplying blood to the heart. The result interrupts blood flow to the heart muscle itself, which can cause a heart attack, even in young people without heart disease. Cocaine can also trigger potentially deadly abnormal heart rhythms (called arrhythmias)..
  • Brain. Cocaine can constrict blood vessels in the brain, causing strokes. This can happen even in young people without other risk factors for strokes. Cocaine causes seizures and can lead to bizarre or violent behavior.
  • Lungs and respiratory system. Snorting cocaine damages the nose and sinuses. Regular use can cause nasal perforation. Smoking crack cocaine irritates the lungs and, in some people, causes permanent lung damage.
  • Gastrointestinal tract. Cocaine constricts blood vessels supplying the gut. The resulting oxygen starvation can cause ulcers, or even perforation of the stomach or intestines.
  • Kidneys. Cocaine can cause sudden, overwhelming kidney failure through a process called rhabdomyolysis. In people with high blood pressure, regular cocaine use can accelerate the long-term kidney damage caused by high blood pressure.
  • Sexual function. Although cocaine has a reputation as an aphrodisiac, it actually may make you less able to finish what you start. Chronic cocaine use can impair sexual function in men and women. In men, cocaine can cause delayed or impaired ejaculation.

Cocaine Use and Its Effects

loveweary11 27th January 2016 12:36 AM

Highly, highly suggest going here:

http://na.org

The ex pornstar I went to new year's with (and have been out with a couple more times) goes and it's a truly incredible environment.

Since I was with her on nye, I didn't drink either. She now does nothing at all. No substances. Main addiction for her is yoga and meditation.

Place really, really helped her in more ways than just quitting whatever drug it was.

lt helped her balance/center her life so she no longer needed any drug.

If there is a chapter there, I highly recommend.

pureinheart 27th January 2016 12:46 PM

NA is an excellent organization. Seriously OP, look around you.. are most of your friends on meds, people you work with, see everyday, parents/family. With the exception of a couple of people EVERYONE I know is on some sort of medication, so with that, why take 'drugs' if you don't have to?

Floveet 27th January 2016 11:12 PM

Medication seems to be really America oriented.
I've never met much people on medication beside one guy that is just going extreme with anti-depressant.

Thanks for all your feedbacks.
For the website, well seems difficult.
Right now I have the number of a consultant that i call once every month from France to discuss a bit my addiction via Skype (no choice as i don't really trust other solutions.)

I think as some said before and after looking at many things all over the internet i just seem to follow the same pattern as others.
Stop for a while...
But the truth is, it gonna last for years.

That's quite not encouraging.
However I organise a big party that will last till 10am this saturday.
Ill try my best to avoid stim drugs !
Wish me luck ! haha.

I know that some would say it's really easy.

But sometimes there are no problems to avoid wanting, and sometimes it just feel like i need it. Now and that's all.
Like my brain is finding every stupid excuses to just take a bit.


I have seen on some websites and other forums that for some people they just used to link this (every month like me) as a reward for working hard all the week.
It's true that in my case, i associate this need to the reward to make me feel less guilty.

This is when i realise that this is just ****ed up.
I have the same addiction to Coca Cola. I need it and that's all . That's in fact the two products I can't just say no too.

Sometimes i am happy not to be so weak and fall into the trap that some of my friends have.

Also for a quick information, I used to live in Beijing with those "Friends" and left there because of those issues.
It was just going insane.

Tayla 28th January 2016 7:23 PM

Try substitution. Water or fruit drinks in place of soda.

As for your cocaine habit, out of sight , out of mind. Why be near or in the presence of those who are diving into oblivion? I stopped immediately when rushed to ER. Its not a matter of it won't happen, its a matter of when.

Utilize your brain .. your future self will thank you.

Robert Z 29th January 2016 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayla (Post 6754989)
As for your cocaine habit, out of sight , out of mind. Why be near or in the presence of those who are diving into oblivion? I stopped immediately when rushed to ER. Its not a matter of it won't happen, its a matter of when.


Out of sight out of mind? No. Addiction doesn't work that way. A trip to the ER before you stopped. That I can believe.

Quiet Storm 10th February 2016 9:41 PM

My dad was a cokehead/ crackhead in the 80s. My childhood memories are having a loving, smart and funny dad on some days (this guy knew almost every question on Jeopardy), and a jittery, scary, crazy dad on other days.

In my dad's mind (like you), it wasn't a big deal. He didn't think it was affecting his personality. He thought people were stupid and couldn't tell. But he didn't have to look at his face every day. The clenched jaw, the scary eyes, the fast talking and mood swings...it's still fresh in my mind 30+ years later :(. I can still hear my mother's voice screaming at him about coke and him lying, denying and thinking that we were too stupid to notice he was loaded.

Eventually he stole from his job, spent our rent money and had drug dealers breaking in looking for money while my sister and I hid in the closet. He started out like you... and ended up like that.

Finally, he gave up coke and booze, but the memories and trauma have left their mark on his family. Thankfully, he just eats weed edibles now (he's in his early 60s, suffering from emphysema due to smoking cigarettes, so he can't smoke it anymore).

Coke is not good for you. A lot of damage can be done between now and the time you realize you are a slave to a substance. It can snowball out of control quickly.

Floveet 15th February 2016 1:59 AM

Thanks for this last comment.
Makes more sense.
Indeed, he went into so crazing debt things. And taking coke with the family around is also a big nope for me.


Anyway, updating a bit on what happened for the past weeks.

FOr the last party I have organised I took some. Didn't regretted after, however, I have tried then to avoid and few days ago, I was out with my Girlfriend and found a bag untouched in my pants.

I took it as a sign and notified right away my Girlfriend that it was here, full and waiting for me in my pocket.

We talked a bit and I agreed to throw it away immediatly.

I have to admit that it took me some time to do so. However at the same time made me realise how far and deep i was addicted, hesitating to throw it away.

Finally I did, and i feel like a heavy release. I don't know how to explain, but that's the best thing i could have done since I have started.

Mostly, now that I know that I am truly able to say no to myself, I am more convinced that i can say NO when a party is around or if I have to organise it.

I will update more on that part.

@Quiet Storm : I would love to hear more about your dad story.

Don't know how we can contact each other.

Thanks.

borden 15th February 2016 8:27 AM

That path only leads one way... Detour now or you'll lose everything and everyone that ever meant anything to you. Wishing you luck mate, take action now.

Floveet 5th February 2018 3:18 AM

Just a quick update as I know I may not be the only one in that situation.

Almost a year later and I am still sober from Coke :) Stopped by myself, left China, went back to my parents for a while to detox with their help and left to a new country for a new job.
I stayed positive all along and it got better. Feels nice to not be depressed constantly, I guess when you are addicted, you are definitely the last one to realise.

PhillyLibertyBelle 5th February 2018 7:52 AM

Congratulations
Being clean is the best gift I ever gave myself


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