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Rebuilding life after a gaming/porn/internet/substance addiction


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Hi all,

 

I'm a 23-year old male, I grew up as a gaming addict. Quitting was hard - and it took a lot of setbacks to get there, yet I realize it was the easier part. What is way harder, is dealing with the fact that given all the opportunities I had, I am behind most of my peer group in many ways. I am feeling lost, and I would appreciate any advice - if you take the time to read this.

 

• I have missed out on a lot of life experience due to spending a large chunk of it in front of a monitor. I may be 23, but in many ways, I've got the emotional intelligence of a teen.

• Pretty much everyone around me is doing way better than me, taking in account the opportunities we had. Knowing more people in world's top universities than an average guy while being where I am now makes it massively depressing.

• My studies are in a bad shape. Even if I pass my final year, my degree mark will prevent me from getting into a graduate scheme. And even if I somehow bluff my way through I know I lack the very basic knowledge I'm expected to have due to not doing my coursework.

I am considering taking a break until autumn and repeating a year - but this would be a major blow to my mother who expects to attend my graduation. I have told her I'm not doing well. She knows my overall year grades, but I know those do not reflect how bad I'm really doing.

• I am considering repeating my degree in another country where I can get student finance but again, the living expenses are there to stay. And my study skills are really horrible. I only know how to cram for a test. I don't know how to learn slowly and consistently. My personal tutor at the university advised against this option as it will look very bad on the resume. Plus, I will lose my chance to get a citizenship in the UK if I have to move to a different country.

• My current jobs being both on campus means my income will get cut off as soon as the summer starts. I'm underweight and in a bad physical shape. From experience, I know I can't last consecutive days doing demanding physical work at a factory/farm/construction site, I get severe back pains if I try to work up to speed and I can't keep up my performance, leading to me getting fewer shifts in such places. Yet I have no idea whether I'd be able to get any other job.

• I know my chances of supporting myself though the summer are slim if I don't find a job now. Yet I have a dissertation to work on. Plus, any uni/vocational training applications to complete if I want to go down that route. I'm horrible at prioritizing tasks, and often end up messing up at all of them.

• And obviously, lack of sustained friendships/dating experience. It frustrates me. I know I'm missing out on a lot of human experience, and with every day that divide grows. I don't know how to fit dealing with this around having to deal with all the other problems. When it gets too much, I end up in a rut, self-sabotaging and isolating myself for a week or two, only to wake up to things being much worse.

 

I know I have to keep my head cool and keep on going. But I have honestly little idea on how to turn things for the better now. I ****ed up so many chances I had. I came to uni with the goal of getting a diploma to get a job that would allow me to afford my gaming habit. I kept on being involved in music (acting on my mother's perceived, not actual expectations) even though it did not bring me financial benefit and left me even more torn apart and frustrated. My pet chimp was escaping from this by doing MDMA. I've quit all of this, kicked the bloody chimp out and am left with a life I don't know how to turn around and make enjoyable while making it sustainable. I want to find a way to have more meaningful contact with real people, not just superficial, temporary interactions. To have someone I could spend time with and learn from, while keeping my own life in order and being fully independent.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Thank you for sharing Kraai - I know that you feel like your life has been one big mess-up but it hasn't. You are still very young and have your whole life before you. It is not unusual these days for people to go to school at a later age. I finally left home at 27 and finished my Bachelor's Degree at the age of 31. The most important step for change to take place is to realize that CHANGE needs to take place. Congratulations! You have arrived. It does you no good, however, to focus on and lament over-and-over again what you missed out on in the past. All it really does is stunt what needs to happen as you move forward.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Better days are ahead. Be blessed!

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