ally2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Hi all, Never thought Id ever be here but I need help! My ex partner has up and left myself and our 18 month old for 3 months now, out of the blue! He is now with a much younger girl and I highly suspect drug use...but cannot be sure! When we first met he was a drug user, he never told me what he did or used but admitted to using drugs... this stopped. Then July 2014 i discovered he was smoking pot for 4 months... well this is all he admitted to.. so i kicked him out of our home and he assured me he had stopped.... I not suspect drug use again due to his actions and behaviour.... We were engaged, had a child and just about to buy a home then bamm he left. no reason, no im sorry, nothing. Contact cut even regarding our child. We were so in love and a happy family, no fighting, nothing. He was depressed as we were living apart and he hated his job but other then that things were normal.... It is like he just doesnt care about anything anymore... how can you not contact your family for 3 months? I feel he is using drugs to stop feeling or escape... and im worried for him! I have seen him 2 times in 3 months and his appearance is just awful doesnt even look like himself anymore... like if you are in a new relationship and say your happy wouldnt you want to look happy apperance and emotionally when you see your ex? He looked like s***, when i looked at him face to face it was as if no one was behind his eyes, he was just like a zombie...... There was also an incident which peaked my drug use concerns. he verbally abused my eldery grandparents in public unprovoked, swearing, yelling and asking a 75 year old to go outside to fight. My grandparents said he was about 20kgs lighter (he was already a small build), glassy eyes, pale (he is 1/2 asian so tan), unresponsive when he was being asked to stop, apperance unrecognisable and 0 to 10000 rage. I am no familiar with drug use at all... but this rings alarm bells... i love this person and he is destroying his life. Does the emotional details and his physical symptoms related to drugs...? I know no one can help him until he wants to help himself but i am just trying to understand what is happening and what my best course of action is... Ive been told to just let him go and he will hit rock bottom, the girl will go, possibly his job and then he will be foreced to deal with his emotions and actions of what he has done to his family... i just dont know and hate that i cant help someone i love even though he is hurting myself and our child. Would love any advice Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Best course of action? Stay far away from him. Get sole custody of your child and file for support money through the courts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Best course of action? Stay far away from him. Get sole custody of your child and file for support money through the courts. Thanks for your advice.... sound like drugs to you? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Sounds like it could be drugs but there is nothing you can do about it. Your first concern needs to be your child. Don't let him take your kid anywhere if you suspect that he is high, and file for child support. Other than that he is the master of his own life and if he wanted help from you he would ask for it. Just let him go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 According to your title I'd say both. Honestly, let him go and trust me, you're dodging a major bullet. My daughter has been going through this for over thirteen years. depending what drugs he's using, chances are they will land him in jail. One of two things will take place- he'll never want to go back and might change or he will become institutionalized and remain a guest at one of the prisons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yes he definitely a douchebag.. im just unfamilar with drug use signs etc... ive done some research and he fits into certain signs and symptoms. I know there is nothing i can do about it and as soon as i highly suspected drug use i went NC and IF he asks to see our child i will refuse due to her safety being at risk. I hope for my sake and my child's he gets help or he signs his rights away and leaves us alone forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yes he definitely a douchebag.. im just unfamilar with drug use signs etc... ive done some research and he fits into certain signs and symptoms. I know there is nothing i can do about it and as soon as i highly suspected drug use i went NC and IF he asks to see our child i will refuse due to her safety being at risk. I hope for my sake and my child's he gets help or he signs his rights away and leaves us alone forever. Did you change the locks? Move money into your name only? File a restraint order and request child support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Did you change the locks? Move money into your name only? File a restraint order and request child support? I moved the money into my account, i took my keys off him and an AVO is in the process atm Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Yes he definitely a douchebag.. im just unfamilar with drug use signs etc... ive done some research and he fits into certain signs and symptoms. I know there is nothing i can do about it and as soon as i highly suspected drug use i went NC and IF he asks to see our child i will refuse due to her safety being at risk. I hope for my sake and my child's he gets help or he signs his rights away and leaves us alone forever. It does sound like it to me, and would even go as far to say that it's more than weed. You know, it's difficult when you're so close to the situation to detect drug use unless it's really obvious. If they are good at hiding it, it can be easy to explain certain behaviors and it's not something I'd look for or even think about. Hey, just want to say I'm really sorry this happened to you and your daughter- it's not easy Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 It does sound like it to me, and would even go as far to say that it's more than weed. I definetly think it is more then weed... due to his behaviour, appearance and how he doesnt care at all about his child or what he is doing... You know, it's difficult when you're so close to the situation to detect drug use unless it's really obvious. If they are good at hiding it, it can be easy to explain certain behaviors and it's not something I'd look for or even think about. Yes it is hard to know... he was doing it for 4 months before i found out...and i had no idea. I kicked him out immediately.. but he was also only smoking weed occassionally before i found out... but i want to learn more about it for several reasons. 1. to be able to tell if he is using any form of drug before he sees our child. 2. to know the signs to look out for and how to deal with him because he WILL be apart of my life for the rest of my life because we have a child together. Hey, just want to say I'm really sorry this happened to you and your daughter- it's not easy I am really sorry this is happening as well... not only just to us but to him.... its awful to watch someone you loved and imagined your future with doing this to themselves, making horrible choices. It sucks that he doesnt even realise the choices HE makes for HIS life will always impact OUR life. Thank you for your comment i really appreciate it. i just wish i could fast forward to see what happens then rewind and live it Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 OP, there's no way you can take care of a baby and sort this guy's life out. It's not your fault. He definitely sounds like a drug user. As I said in your other thread, be glad this guy is out of your life. Would you want some violent creep around your baby? This guy can't love anyone else because he doesn't love himself. You have to let his life take its course and focus your energy on your baby's well-being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 OP, there's no way you can take care of a baby and sort this guy's life out. I know that hence why I began my NC... even though he has gone NC with me since he left.... which is just pathetic. He needs to help himself and i need to continue to focus on myself and my child. It is hard to not worry about him though... because you cant just stop loving or caring about someone. It's not your fault. He definitely sounds like a drug user. As I said in your other thread, be glad this guy is out of your life. Would you want some violent creep around your baby? i know none of it is my fault. ALL of the issues are HIM. He has and will most likely in the future attempt to blame me... but there is no blame on me regarding anything. i was a good partner, supportive, loving, a great mother... so there is no blame on me. I definately dont want him anywhere near myself or our child until he sorts himself out! This guy can't love anyone else because he doesn't love himself. You have to let his life take its course and focus your energy on your baby's well-being. i agree... he has lost his way... he f***ed up and just went with the flow... one bad choice after the other.. and he isnt dealing with ANY of this issues... like you left your family, havent seen your child in basically 3 months, you lost your bestfriend and fiance... these are MASSIVE things in your life... yet you dont care at all... something isnt right. He has jumped straight into a new 'relationship' without even dealing with the end of the other one... just running from the problem... avoiding reality... MASSIVE ISSUES! There is only so long you can avoid your emotions. I am actually dreading when he attempts to come back or when he actually wants to talk about it... the guilt trip he will attempt to suck us back in Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 i agree... he has lost his way... he f***ed up and just went with the flow... one bad choice after the other.. and he isnt dealing with ANY of this issues... like you left your family, havent seen your child in basically 3 months, you lost your bestfriend and fiance... these are MASSIVE things in your life... yet you dont care at all... something isnt right. He has jumped straight into a new 'relationship' without even dealing with the end of the other one... just running from the problem... avoiding reality... MASSIVE ISSUES! There is only so long you can avoid your emotions. I am actually dreading when he attempts to come back or when he actually wants to talk about it... the guilt trip he will attempt to suck us back in Good, the reality of all of this is starting to infiltrate. Keep telling yourself these things because it will armor you against the day when he comes crawling back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ally2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Good, the reality of all of this is starting to infiltrate. Keep telling yourself these things because it will armor you against the day when he comes crawling back. I hope I can remain strong... as the pull of being a family is a strong one... but he has MAJOR issues he needs to work out before he can be in our lives in any capacity. Link to post Share on other sites
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