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How do I react to my boyfriend using cocaine?


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When my boyfriend and I started dating I knew that he sometimes does coke with his friends. I dindt have a proplem with it at first but now we are living together and its more serious. The one night he went to a poker night with his friends and I had to go pull him out of a strip club. I noticed white powder in his nose so I knew he did coke.

 

It has been a month now and I'm still hurt by it. Its all I think of. When ever we go out I'm petrified of him doing coke :( I don't know what to do.

 

I've told him how I feel and that if he ever does it again I will leave him. But I'm not so sure that he will ever stop :(

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Leave now.

 

In my honest opinion, anyone who is with someone who uses is just as much a user to me...

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When my boyfriend and I started dating I knew that he sometimes does coke with his friends. I dindt have a proplem with it at first but now we are living together and its more serious. The one night he went to a poker night with his friends and I had to go pull him out of a strip club. I noticed white powder in his nose so I knew he did coke.

 

It has been a month now and I'm still hurt by it. Its all I think of. When ever we go out I'm petrified of him doing coke :( I don't know what to do.

 

I've told him how I feel and that if he ever does it again I will leave him. But I'm not so sure that he will ever stop :(

 

That's not the kind of thing I would allow into my life.

 

You know it's addictive and destroys people's lives. And often the lives of those they are with. Promises get made, broken, re-made, broken again.

 

If you're posting here, then I think you already know what you're going to have to do. You're seeking support and motivation from others so you can find the courage to do it.

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Every drug is different for every person. Including Liquor, Beer, Cigs, Chew, etc. Some people can function using them from time to time. Other people can't. I have to admit some of the most successful people I know do use coke from time to time and smoke weed, cigs, etc and drink like crazy on the weekends. But then again some of the biggest losers I know do the same things. I am not that dumb like some other people to tell you to leave. But it sounds like the behavior is very serious. Having to pull somebody out of a strip club etc. Not going to say I have never been to a strip club or don't enjoy going. But if I was in a relationship with somebody and was serious about it. At least myself personally I hope I would make better decisions that. Most of the people I know when they find that special someone most of this kind of behavior begins to go away because they have a new drug which is the love and affection of the person they are with. All I can say is I would try to sit your boyfriend down and try to have a serious conversation with him if you can. About the future the both of you and everything else. Just be very careful about how sincere he is. If he is an addict they do tend to try to lie about it all and lots of women do fall for all the b.s. In that kind of situation just be sure to keep your guard up and try to really gauge what is going on.

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Why didnt you have a problem with it at the start? this is one thing that confuses me?

 

When you say its serious, in what way? Not saying its a good thing at all, some people get really messed up with it. But Ive taken it occasionally (maybe once every 6 months) and have never ever built up an addiction or major habit or had any problem from it. And I tried it 12 years ago when i was 18. I wouldnt advise people to take it, and its better they dont (more the legal issue than health), but how often does he do it?

 

Probably the more important thing to question is......are you ok with it? clearly your not, in which case maybe he just aint the guy for you

 

A girl once told me after 3 weeks of dating she wanted me to quit smoking or shed stop seeing me. So, as I didnt want to set a pattern of ultimatums in relationships i said ok lets stop seeing each other.......you cant force someone not to do something. but you can choose not to be with them

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A girl once told me after 3 weeks of dating she wanted me to quit smoking or shed stop seeing me. So, as I didnt want to set a pattern of ultimatums in relationships i said ok lets stop seeing each other.......you cant force someone not to do something. but you can choose not to be with them

 

^^^This^^^

 

Changing others is the road to perdition.

They change for you, not because of you.

And it's always an ultimatum, a forced capitualtion.

If he changes - he has to see that change is urgently needed and do it himself, implement it himself and want it himself.

 

You need to bail.

While he is still of the entrenched opinion that it's both enjoyable and ok to do - this will not stop. At your behest, begging cajoling, or any other reason.

 

If you can't consider life with an addict - and there's nothing to say you should - then you need to cut your losses and quit this, now.

 

Threats are pointless and manipulative.

What counts is how well you keep your word.

And if you don't leave, you're a liar.

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Is this a dealbreaker for you? It sounds like it is. That means that you have to break the deal.

 

Even if you and he might share all sorts of things, a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.

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Pretty vague story for everyone to be drawing such dire conclusions. What does pull him out of a strip club mean?

 

How does this one event = addict? Everyone who orders the ridiculous size popcorn at the movies is an addict too then. If you've ordered the large milkshake with 1000+ calories you are now an addict. Get help ASAP!

 

FYI most people who use drugs do not have an addiction problem. It's the 10% who give everyone else a bad name. As far as coke goes, I don't know a single person who's life has fallen apart from it. Known plenty of people who have done it but none of them look like the scary posters from school. In fact, I see 1000x more problems from smoking and alcohol.

 

My friend quit coke in a day, smoking is 20 years going strong. This country needs a big kick in the nuts.

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Pretty vague story for everyone to be drawing such dire conclusions. What does pull him out of a strip club mean?

 

How does this one event = addict? Everyone who orders the ridiculous size popcorn at the movies is an addict too then. If you've ordered the large milkshake with 1000+ calories you are now an addict. Get help ASAP!

 

FYI most people who use drugs do not have an addiction problem. It's the 10% who give everyone else a bad name. As far as coke goes, I don't know a single person who's life has fallen apart from it. Known plenty of people who have done it but none of them look like the scary posters from school. In fact, I see 1000x more problems from smoking and alcohol.

 

My friend quit coke in a day, smoking is 20 years going strong. This country needs a big kick in the nuts.

 

 

I see what you're trying to say, but the thought of taking the drug itself isnt usually smiled upon...just because the known causes of its effects and how it CAN become addicting.

 

No drug is really good for you period..and on top of that too much of ANYTHING isnt good for you..

 

To the op. Has he only done it once? Or multiple times?

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coffeebean201

It is the friends - they aren't helping.

Try encouraging a more healthy social circle.

Some people outgrow these behaviours. Some don't.

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I imagine during poker there was plenty of drinking going on. No mention of that being a problem though...

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Coke is a problem.

Drink is a problem.

This guy's whole lifestyle - is a problem.

It's not a single isolated incident.

 

This guy's heading for a major crash.

Seriously, PogoStick, - you really think it's acceptable and that she should just accept it as something harmless...?

 

I think you need to do a bit more research on the noxious and occasionally fatal side-effects of cocaine.

 

If you really honestly believe smoking is worse - well, it's a sad and ludicrously ignorant opinion you hold, right there.

 

I have personally known 3 deaths and one brain-damaged individual through addiction to cocaine.

Oh and three other people in desperate need of rhinoplasty.

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Every drug is different for every person. Including Liquor, Beer, Cigs, Chew, etc. Some people can function using them from time to time. Other people can't. I have to admit some of the most successful people I know do use coke from time to time and smoke weed, cigs, etc and drink like crazy on the weekends. But then again some of the biggest losers I know do the same things. I am not that dumb like some other people to tell you to leave. But it sounds like the behavior is very serious. Having to pull somebody out of a strip club etc. Not going to say I have never been to a strip club or don't enjoy going. But if I was in a relationship with somebody and was serious about it. At least myself personally I hope I would make better decisions that. Most of the people I know when they find that special someone most of this kind of behavior begins to go away because they have a new drug which is the love and affection of the person they are with. All I can say is I would try to sit your boyfriend down and try to have a serious conversation with him if you can. About the future the both of you and everything else. Just be very careful about how sincere he is. If he is an addict they do tend to try to lie about it all and lots of women do fall for all the b.s. In that kind of situation just be sure to keep your guard up and try to really gauge what is going on.

 

I would say she needs to leave now... smokings ciggs is way different than doing coke. I've never tried anything like that... but I've known a coke head before and I must say her life is in ruins. I know many people who smoke ciggs, and have a few drinks from time to time, like myself, and nothing happens. Smoking ciggs while it will kill you in the long run, is not something that will kill you right off the bat... coke has that chance. Ciggs also do not put you in any weird frame of mine like coke does.

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I think a lot of people are overreacting a bit here.

 

Cocaine may well become an issue, but it is more likely that it won't. There are many recreational drug users out there that can moderate their use quite easily - this applies to the large majority of users in fact, but you certainly don't here about them.

 

If your boyfriend is only using cocaine once in a blue moon with his friends, doesn't go overboard on the dosage and understands the risks involved, then I don't see it as a major issue. As long as he is educated and responsible with his usage, I don't think it is worth ending a relationship over. He is an adult, and can make choices regarding what goes into his body and what doesn't. Cocaine can be used with relative safety if you are not an idiot and have done even the most basic of research.

 

Now, you say you were okay with it in the first place? Then, you must not have a particularly strong moral objection to it. If you are worried about his safety and health, then perhaps have a read in to harm reduction and educate yourself on cocaine - be sure to locate factual, unbiased sources and be sure he does the same.

 

An open and honest discussion about your concerns would be the best way to go, and to come to a compromise regarding his use. If you give him ultimatums, he'll only lie to you, and you'll be pushing him further away.

 

If it's a non-negotiable for you, then advise him of that and break up with him if he does not agree. But IMO, it's unfair to accept it at the start, and then change your mind purely because the relationship has become "more serious."

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I would say she needs to leave now... smokings ciggs is way different than doing coke. I've never tried anything like that... but I've known a coke head before and I must say her life is in ruins. I know many people who smoke ciggs, and have a few drinks from time to time, like myself, and nothing happens. Smoking ciggs while it will kill you in the long run, is not something that will kill you right off the bat... coke has that chance. Ciggs also do not put you in any weird frame of mine like coke does.

 

Alcohol is a strong, dissociative drug that can cause death, physical dependency, disorientation, complete loss of inhibitions and severe emotional instability/violence...amongst other things. Imagine the government were to make a TV ad against alcohol! The things they could show! Goodness.

 

Don't believe everything you hear.

 

And cigarettes are absolutely nasty, horrible things. So incredibly bad for our bodies :(

 

IMO, she needs to actually educate herself regarding the substance in question before making any rash decisions to end her relationship. Definitely don't base this off horror stories or the abundance of anti-drug propaganda flying about.

 

A person that has a few drinks every fortnight or so is very, very different to a full blown alcoholic. A kid that goes out and does a few lines of coke every couple of months is also very different to a crack addict. Keep this in mind.

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Welcome to LS :)

 

Try NA They have resources which may be of assistance to gain further understanding and insight into the process and potentials.

 

If cocaine is illegal in your jurisdiction, I would advise caution about it being on your person, in your vehicles or at your domicile, even incidentally. This of course presumes you're concerned about gaining/avoiding a criminal record. Stuff happens and seeming 'innocents' get caught up in it. Be informed and aware. Good luck.

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They can direct her to resources to educate herself about cocaine use and local support groups for those involved with drug users. She's living with him so is 'involved'.

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KraftDinner

Is the OP gone?

 

How often does he do it? When he does, how much does he do? Does he lie about it?

 

I posted here 2 years ago because I had discovered my eX of 8-9 years was using coke. He was using a few times a week and like a bloody idiot I thought his behaviour had changed because he had been drinking too much. I had no idea he'd been using coke. The drinking thing wasn't okay to me but the fact that he'd had this whole other life behind my back, of using drugs and hanging out with unsavoury types, killed me.

 

I agree with the others above -- go to NA. Someone suggested it wouldn't be helpful in this case, probably because that poster didn't think your bf used enough to be considered an addict or whatever. Well, that doesn't matter. NA would be for YOU, not him. Al-Anon would also help (even tho he isn't an alcoholic); those organizations just really help you focus on YOURSELF and stop worrying what you can do for the other person.

 

In fact, those groups can be helpful for anyone with co-dependency issues.

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Thread starter, if you wish further comment or have further information to add, please alert on this post and request the thread be re-opened. Thanks.

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