Michellinda Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and a half. He is 28. When I met him he smoked marijuana and drank and did cocaine. I thought he just liked to party occasionally. The beginning of the relationship was fun and amazing. I fell completely in love with him but I did come to see the signs that he smoked pot everyday (even with his Mom and Aunt), that he drank every other day and I caught him in lies about his cocaine use. For example I once saw him sneaking a baggie into his jacket pocket when I questioned him about it, he was like I didnt want to tell you I bought because you would get upset. Also at one point in our relationship for like 3 months he gave up pot, drinking, coke and cigarettes. (Our relationship was wonderful at that point) then later when I told him look how easily you gave up that stuff he said to me actually i never gave up the coke, that was the one I couldn't give up. That totally shocked me. I wouldn't have known if he didn't tell me. So I moved in with him the beginning of the month when i told him that he needed to stop all of this drug use he kept saying how depressed he was and how he hates himself. We got into a big argument and I ended things with him, he agreed it was for the best so it was mutual. Now I come to find out he is already dating some girl from his job. I am heartbroken over this. I feel awful and have the worst anxiety. I can't stop thinking about him. I thought he would see that he lost me and make the proper changes to win me back. How did he move on so fast? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Google "codependent". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michellinda Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) Just did! wow. thank you. Edited February 1, 2013 by Michellinda Link to post Share on other sites
confused_gf Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Well hay honey! Been there already, did you see my thread? Feel sorry for him. Forgive him. Let him go. Love yourself. Meditate, exercise, and seek support from close friends. Go back to your center. Look up the difference between alpha male, beta male, and a jerk (or good guy, nice guy, and jerk). A jerk can have any woman but he will always mess it up. He is doomed for failure unless he changes. You are better off without him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtZ Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don’t understand why you feel heartbroken. He is an addict. Smoking pot occasionally/drinking is one thing but coke is another beast altogether. Addicts are liars, they are selfish, and only think of things in terms of how it will help them get high. While you thought he quit at one point and everything was wonderful, he never really did so he was lying to you. Don’t be heartbroken over this loser who will probably make this new girl’s life horrible too. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your beliefs and getting rid of him. A lot of people don’t have the strength to stand up for their values, so kudos to you. Focus on your life and yourself and spend time with family/friends to get him out of your head. When you start thinking of the good times, just remember the bad times and how he really is, not how you idealize him to be. Realize how much better your life will be without having to deal with someone who lies and is depressed and addicted to cocaine. Someone better is probably just around the corner, but you will miss it if you are focused on this loser!! Link to post Share on other sites
VintageSweetPea Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Michelle, You didn't know he was an addict....your are young, you can't cure an addict, they need to seek help themselves after they admit they have a problem. It is good that you found this out sooner then later or after you got married or had a child with him. It hurts to know that he can find someone else so easily but remember his drugs are really his first and only love at this time. The only person who he can last with would be another women who is using drugs and that relationship would be based on drugs and money and would be crazy violent relationship. Your best move is to never go back and find a partner who suites you best....you have plenty of to find a good man....don't settle. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 He's seeing another victim of his lies--either that of just some willing user or enabler. You're not in those categories. You got involved with a sick person--a person consumed by the things he consumes. And you can't do anything about that because he is not doing anything about that. The last thing you should be doing is feeling jealous or "thrown-over". Unless decisions like his about who he sees are made in full sobriety they are nothing to take personally if they don't favor you. You have to take it that you dodged a bullet and have been liberated from a lie machine. You deserve better and, if you learn your lessons right. will have better. Commit to recovering from this and try to discipline yourself not to entertain any thoughts of him or what he does or with whom he does it. Done. Link to post Share on other sites
Vogeltron Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 You two were obviously on different levels. People use and some abuse drugs and alcohol. I have to admit some of the most successful people I know get hammered every night and do use drugs. Everyone has their one drug that should never touch. For some its weed, or booze, or Coke, even cigarettes or chewing tobacco or something else. While I will never advocate drug use. What I see as most troubling in your story to me is the lying. Like I said lots people use substances. If you are with someone like that you have to decide how that effects your relationship and if you want to be with somebody like that going into the future. Some people get on fine with that. Some people don't. It sounds to me like you were ready to grow up and get on with the next chapter of your life. Apparently, this guy is still in his party phase of life which from what I have seen some people never grow out of. If he was unwilling to give up whatever he was doing or come to grips with it. Be honest with you about it and figure out some kind of compromise, all that means is you were not on the top of his list of priorities. Mostly likely never were. Honestly, may be hard to swallow but you should be happy this is over. You sound like a level headed person. There are lots and lots of great people out there. Get out there and try to meet as many different people as you can. This is one thing I would say for everyone. We get these narrow views of the kind of people we should date or be friends with and everything else. I had to learn it the hard way myself, if you give people of all walks of life a chance to sit down and talk to them you will be very surprised the kind of people you meet (at-least I have) and what you might learn from them. Link to post Share on other sites
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