lemonlime Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 My ex and I have been broken up for a month. We broke up because I relapsed and I didnt tell him about it for a few months. I'm working my program in AA, and doing what I can. He says he wants to try to work things out. He says he wants to forgive me. We've been meeting up once a week so he can see my progress, with my program, and working on being more open. Today I asked him what hes waiting for. What is it that he needs. He said hes looking to see the change, so he knows it wont happen again. Hes waiting to decide if he can forgive me once that happens. I feel pretty pessamistic now, because hes never going to see something that guarantees it will never happen again. Theres no way for me to do that. I dont know where to go from here. Or how long im supposed to be willing to wait in limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Have you talked to your sponsor about this? What does she say? Has he tried Alanon? Or take him to an open meeting. He needs to know about this disease. It seems to me as he doesn't understand. As Peppermint Paddy said this is a ODAAT program. You unable to give him any guarantees. All you can do is live and work the program. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonlime Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 He knows a good deal about AA. His dad had about 25 years. His brother is in and out of the program. And before I went back out we had discussed it a lot. My sponsor says basically to just keep doing what I can for my program, and decide how long I'm willing to wait. I told him theres no way I can guarantee that. He says that he knows, but he wants to see that I'm being open about how im feeling, and what im going through. He wants to know its unlikely I guess. That I've changed what lead to me going back out. He doesnt know if he can forgive me, or more past it. And I get it. I dont like it but I get it. He says if I hadnt hidden it from him for 4 months he would be handling it better. So I guess its more the hiding and lying then the actual relapse. Hes got to decide if hes willing to risk marrying and having children with someone that may do that to him again. He says he feels like if im doing everything I need to do, and he is as well, hes optimistic that we can work through it. I just dont know what to think anymore Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I think your sponsor is right that you need to keep doing what you are for your program. Your program comes first. Without it, you for sure won't have him. He needs time. When we are drinking we are sneaks, liars, and will do anything to get that drink. It takes time to earn that trust back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts