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Had a relapse


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I had broken up with my ex for about 4 months a year ago. Things were going really well. We'd been back together for almost a year. But I have an addiction problem and I relapsed. I didnt tell him for 6 months. We had talked about the possibility of that happening. But he said that he always imagined it being once, or maybe a week. Never a prolonged deception. Things were generally pretty good. But my using began to affect our relationship. I began to get depressed, and overly anxious. I took it out on him. But we really loved each other. When I found out he was blaming my unhappiness on himself I told him the truth about everything.

 

I knew he may break up with me. And he did. I had hoped he was going to support me, try to understand. But he said that he couldnt give me the support he thought that I needed. That he didnt think I would have time for him and my new sobriety. That he didnt know if he would ever be able to get back with me because hes not sure he could handle it if it happened again. And I understand, I really do.

 

But we really love each other so much. I never meant to hurt him like that, I dont know how to make it up to him. I know I probably just need to give him some space for a while and that any decision he makes will be a consequence of my actions. He held me for two hours when he came to get his stuff. I said I thought I was going to marry you, and he replied so did I. I just feel so guilty, and broken. I have a four year old from a previous relationship and it breaks my heart to see how he already notices hes gone. I broke my family. I hate my addiction soo much. Its cost me so much in the past and now I really think its going to cost me the man of my dreams. Hes everything I ever wanted and I hurt him and I just dont know how to make it any better. If anyone has any advice please let me know.

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I am. I had a narcotic problem but I go to AA. I was actively working a program and picked up three years in February. But you know the drill. People get happy. They get complacent. Stopped going to as many meetings. Stopped calling my sponsor. Then I picked up. From March until June. Im back deep in the program. But im having a hard time knowing what to do about him. I know I need to give it to God, I just am not quite sure what that looks like yet.

 

My therapist and sponsor suggested asking if he would initially be willing to get together for a walk 15-20 minutes once a week. So he can see that im taking my recovery seriously. And he can see the change that will be evident. I just dont know what hes going to do. If he's going to be willing or not. I feel doubtful about it though. I know I really hurt him. He knows people can have long term sobriety, his dad has 20 years. But his brother is in and out. I know what I have to do. I know I made a mistake. I just dont know if hes going to be willing to give me another chance.

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I know you are hurting! I am going to tell you what I would tell one of my sponsees. The first thing you need to worry about is getting clean and staying clean. Do the footwork and God will do the rest. Go to meetings, rework the steps, and live the program.

 

Now, I am going to tell you my experience. 10 years ago I thought I had met the man of my dreams. We met in the rooms of AA. He and I both relapsed. We ended it to work on our recovery. I stayed clean and he went back to using. I got married, had 3 kids, and divorced. He spent 4 years in prison due to drug abuse. 11 months ago I ran into that guy. He had clean time under his belt and we have been together since. We love eachother very much, but we both know that our recovery comes before anything. I did the footwork and God did the rest.

 

Work on your recovery for you and no one else!!

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Of course im not drinking. I go to AA. And honestly Ive never had a problem identifying with AA. I find the sobriety there to be better, for me. And all the young people used as well as drank anyway.

 

He has some experience with AA, and addicts. His father has 20 years, his brother is in and out. I know I have to SHOW him that I mean what im saying. Since what I say doesnt mean much right now. Things were wonderful between us before I picked up. I think thats part of why I stopped doing a lot of the stuff I was doing. They were so good that I let myself get distracted. You know what they say, what ever u put in front of your recovery youll loose, and thats what happened.

 

I just know I may have hurt him enough that he cant do it anymore. If this is one of the things that my use has cost me, I know it'll stay with me forever.

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So I went to talk to him. He agreed to meet up once a week. He said that he wants to get past it and move on. Hes just not sure if he can. And he doesnt know what he would do if it happened again. He said that he feels torn right down the middle between loving me and being angry and hurt. Im hoping time, and me working my program will help, but is there anything else I can do? Im trying to give him as much space as i can. Its really hard though because when we are together, its like we arent broken up, but then we dont talk again for a week. I almost feel like it might be easier if I actually saw some of the hurt and pain. I dont know :/

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