HaWhoKnew Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 My brother, who has been addicted to heroin for about 10 years now, has a stolen tens of thousands of dollars of my mother, every piece of jewelry she owns, her tv, and has used in her living room in plain sight. Yet my mother will always fall for his lies. He says "I need 50 bucks for a train ticket" and she believes him and willingly hands over money to him. As if she doesn't realize that he is going to go buy drugs with it. She still thinks everything he is saying is the truth and I feel like because I've done everything right in life, I get screwed. After he stole a $1000 from me, I haven't spoken to him since and I feel like my mother should do the same. He does these things because my mother will always forgive him. Making him think that everything he does is ok. Everybody feels sorry for him and they give him EVERYTHING. Their cars, their money, their food, a place to stay. No body realizes that they are not helping him when they give him all these things. He will never work for a single thing in his life because people hand him the world. It is very frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 they are all on a lovely cruise on a river called De Nile Link to post Share on other sites
Author HaWhoKnew Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 they are all on a lovely cruise on a river called De Nile HAHAHA Well said..and there's not a damn thing I can do about it..he effed up his life and gets EVERYTHING. I do everything right and get nothing. I guess this is what they mean when they say life isn't fair. Link to post Share on other sites
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 he effed up his life and gets EVERYTHING. I do everything right and get nothing. I guess this is what they mean when they say life isn't fair. No, typically that little saying is reserved for worse circumstances than adults who complain they are not getting enough material support from their mother due to their sick addicted brother. To answer the question, your mother gives things to him because he needs them and you don't. Perhaps you and her can research what the laws in your locale regarding committing family members to mental health treatment programs - both voluntarily and involuntarily. Some such programs can really help when all else seems to have failed. I know you have given up on your brother, and perhaps rightly so, but if you are interested in helping your mother that is probably your best shot. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HaWhoKnew Posted August 23, 2010 Author Share Posted August 23, 2010 Are you suggesting committing my mother? Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Your mother is the typical enabler. The pattern in your family is sadly the norm for most families from my understanding. She is aiding in killing your brothers. You know what they say....jails, institutions or death. He needs to be ready to go to treatment, and your mother isn't aiding in him feeling the pain of his addiction saving him all the time like this. Mom and you could really use Nar-anon. If mom especially had that, she and you could aid your brother in beating his addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Are you suggesting committing my mother? How the heck did you come up with that? I'm obviously suggesting committing your brother. Addiction falls under mental health treatment in every state in the USA (I don't know if you are outside the US). If he can clean up his addiction, then your mother won't have to keep giving him stuff. Now I can't even tell if your post is serious or trolling. Link to post Share on other sites
finder Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 You're mom's enabling him. Only you can tell us if she honestly believes his bull ****. But that's beside the point. I dated a heroin addict for 2 years. Everyone in his life gave him whatever he needed. They never allowed him to experience the true consequences of his actions. For a long time I, like you, thought I was the only one who realized that cleaning up his messes for him wasn't going to help him. Eventually everyone got tired of it. Helping him out of every bad situation he created for himself. No one wanted to deal with him anymore. No one let him stay with them when he had nowhere to go anymore. No one every lent him money or tried to stop him from using or helped him get drugs or even wanted to see him anymore. I would hope that eventually everyone in his life would see the error of their ways soon, but its been 10 years now. That's a long time to continue to help the person you love destroy themselves. Anyway, try not to be jealous or whatever. People aren't doing it on purpose. It is only that they love him and don't want to see the bad stuff happen to him. I'm sure the peopel in your life feel the same way about you, it's just that you don't need their help. They don't realize that the only way he's ever going to learn is for it to come and bite him in the ass and no one be there for him anymore when he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HaWhoKnew Posted August 24, 2010 Author Share Posted August 24, 2010 How the heck did you come up with that? I'm obviously suggesting committing your brother. Addiction falls under mental health treatment in every state in the USA (I don't know if you are outside the US). If he can clean up his addiction, then your mother won't have to keep giving him stuff. Now I can't even tell if your post is serious or trolling. You said their are mental health treatment programs. I wasn't sure if you were talking about my brother or my mother. My brother will not get help unless forced to. He even had a choice of rehab or go to jail for 6 months...he chose jail. And I could not be more serious. I've tried to tell my mom he is enabling him and she doens't seem to think so. She simply sees it as he needs the help and she's giving it to him. Although shes not helping him in the correct manner. I go to NARanon meetings and I know she is the perfect definition of an enabler. But there is nothing I can do to make her see that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Its hard to see the forest thru the trees, but I do want to say you were given many things. 1: Common sense 2: The ability to set boundaries 3: The True reality of what is going on. 4: A life that you dont need to be ashamed of. SO hopefully you can see that your "given" things will last you thru out your life...May your family heal in due time to see what a decent person you were thru this. ANd yes, Your mother as well deserves the right to apologize to you for being weaker and enabling...She neglected she has more then a son to parent.... Link to post Share on other sites
DavidWhite Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 they are all on a lovely cruise on a river called De Nile I actually lol'd But this is the truth right here. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 codependency Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAintEverything Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 Karma will come his way, it is just not his time yet, but when it does..it will be huge.... Link to post Share on other sites
NevaehM123 Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 There's no bond stronger than one between a mother and child. Thats the btch about addicts and their mom. You have to understand where shes coming from though, how could she watch her own son kill himself? But you're more than right. Shes (and I use the word heavily) stupid for letting this go on for ten years. Give her tough love and tell her she needs to stop. then take her to a nar-anon meeting. Maybe that would help. Shes just as much of an addict as him and needs help. Link to post Share on other sites
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