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daughter addicted to cocaine


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Old 20th April 2010, 11:23 PM   #1
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daughter addicted to cocaine

i am a very hurt and concerned mother of a 25 year old daughter that is addicted to cocaine, she has been telling oh so many lies, being very disrespectful to me, calling me a f.... b....., going through the psycosis, has lost 70 pounds in 2 months, always has a stuffy nose, nose bleeds, she was recently busted with a kilo of coke and some pot, and tested positive, but still denies she has a problem, well when she got busted she also lost her kids, a 5 year old boy and a 15 month old girl of which i now have them and they are safe, there was coke on the coffie table that if my grandkids would have gotten it , it could have killed them, she sat so calmly when social services came to get the kids, that is one thing i dont understand , they would have had to taise me. she just sat there and said oh well. she has stole my atm card AND TAKEN 1,800 OUT OF MY account, and when i confronted her about it she said thats ur problem u stupid bitch, thats when i decided to show her some tough love and went to take out charges on her. i think that the cocaine use has been only in the past 9 months, we have always been very close, and had that very special mother daughter bond, now she says that she hates me, i know that it is the drugs, i am a paramedic, and i use to smoke pot and i have done coke a few times when i was a teenager. i would really like to get a better understanding of why she has been personally attacking me, and threatening me , saying she is going to kill me, and i have never done anything for her, when i paid all of her bills for four years when her husband would not work, and she lived with me for a year untill 3 months ago, i have bought about 90% of everything for the kids since they have been alive. I WANT TO HELP HER, BUT SHE CANT GET HELP UNLESS SHE WANTS IT AND SHE DOES NOT WANT IT, WHAT DO I DO
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Old 21st April 2010, 8:44 AM   #2
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If your daughter was caught with a kilo of blow, she's going to be sent away for a very long time. That quantity constitutes trafficking, which in some states, carries a penalty up to life imprisonment.

At this point, I'd be less concerned with why she is attacking you, and more concerned with finding her a good lawyer.
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Old 23rd April 2010, 3:34 PM   #3
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Well I think it might be wise to learn about addiction, the causes, effects and the role you choose to take on in all of this. I see some things in your post that show me you fit into the caretaker role which addicts love and enables them to continue being addicts. I used to fit into that role so very well.

I am not an addict, but the spouse of a recovering alcoholic/coke addict. Nothing your daughter has said, done or probably felt is out of the norm at all for active addicts. What I can say first of all is learn....you can never learn too much. Learn enough so that nothing she says or does affects you for long....just enough time to be able to process it and let it go.

I would also be more concerned about how much coke she was caught with and the fact that your grandchildren have lost their mother, probably for a long time.
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Old 23rd April 2010, 10:59 PM   #4
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It's the drugs talking, not your daughter. Focus on your grandchildren who need you. Your daughter is lost right now, and you have to leave her be. When reality finally hits her, she will come home.
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Old 30th April 2010, 11:57 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilly Bean View Post
If your daughter was caught with a kilo of blow, she's going to be sent away for a very long time. That quantity constitutes trafficking, which in some states, carries a penalty up to life imprisonment.

At this point, I'd be less concerned with why she is attacking you, and more concerned with finding her a good lawyer.
Yep.

She is in complete denial of her problem so anything you say about it to her is lies in her mind. And overuse of coke is famous for making people act out in the manic way she has with you. An addiction to this extent has a LOT of power, the kind that makes it more important to her than ANYTHING else...including you, her kids, and any overall responsibility or desire to be a good and healthy person. She's so addicted that she's totally blind to seeing how it's effecting other people. Physically and mentally she's very, very selfish because she spends her life jonesing for a high.

There is only 3 results that can come from this: Jail, institutionalized, or death. Unfortunatley hitting rock bottom 1st is the only way to open their eyes. I'd say going to jail might be her rock bottom, (unfortunate but necessary) when she's forced to be sober and in this state, should finally comprehend how she's hurt so many people and likely send her into a deep depression. I hope that if she has to be locked up, there is a simultaneous rehab program available there (I know at some institutions this is the case but not very often).
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Old 5th May 2010, 11:35 AM   #6
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Like another poster said, it's not her who hates you, it's the drugs talking. This isn't your actual daughter..drugs have taken over her body and mind and she will do absolutely anything she has to do get them.

I am an addictions counselor and see this every single day. In my experience, an addict will not quit until they are ready. It's so horrible to watch and you feel like you are powerless to stop it. I did a group yesterday with my clients on the pain that family members go through with addicted kids/spouses. I talked about how addicts will say that those family members who do not have addictions do not "understand their pain." Well that's easy for them to say..they get to numb their pain with drugs, family members don't have that luxery.

The bottom line is that your daughter will not quit doing drugs until she is ready. It's sad and frustrating, but unfortunately it's the truth. You can encourage her and be there for her. There is a support group called Nar Anon, it's kind of like Al Anon. It's for family members of drug addicts. You should check it out, at least you would get support from other people who are feeling the same way you are.
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Old 5th May 2010, 11:43 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveLace View Post
There is only 3 results that can come from this: Jail, institutionalized, or death. Unfortunatley hitting rock bottom 1st is the only way to open their eyes. I'd say going to jail might be her rock bottom, (unfortunate but necessary) when she's forced to be sober and in this state, should finally comprehend how she's hurt so many people and likely send her into a deep depression. I hope that if she has to be locked up, there is a simultaneous rehab program available there (I know at some institutions this is the case but not very often).
True..although rock bottom is a cop out and an excuse for addicts to continue to use. I've heard the "well I haven't hit rock bottom so I can't quit." I personally think it should be rephrased that they have to be completely fed up with their behavior and think that drugs and disgusting in order to quit. This takes time and hard work, which is why the rate of drug addicts recovering is so very low.

Also, I agree many addicts detox in jail. However it is fairly easy to score in jail also..my clients have told me that the have often had the opportunity to get hooked up. And I have also been told that they relapse the day they get released. It really just depends on the addicts state of mind and it has to be on their clock, not anyone else's.
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Old 22nd June 2010, 8:02 AM   #8
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There is only 3 results that can come from this: Jail, institutionalized, or death. Unfortunatley hitting rock bottom 1st is the only way to open their eyes.


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Old 22nd June 2010, 8:58 PM   #9
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First welcome to the board. As a newcomer its brave of you to share such a story involving another family member.

To answer your questions as you posed:
1:Give her what she wants- NO help. Get it??? Walk away with love.
2: She is an addict. Her actions are text book. Your re-actions are text book. Cease the cycle.
3: Kudos for tending to the grandkids, now its time to re-educate them and establish stability.

Get support thru a community group as suggested by another poster. No one is alone , others can point you in the direction best suited for your family.
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Old 9th July 2010, 7:16 AM   #10
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My ex was a coke addict and more recently heroin. Every fresh crisis was and excuse for his addiction and he always played the victim. It was only when he'd lost all his friends and was living on the streets that he finally realised he had to do something about his life. He's now on a methadone programme and living in a hostel but he's lost everything and every one.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I found it so hard saying no to him and refusing to take him back, bail him out etc but it had to be done and now he's got the help he needed because he wants it not because I want it for him!
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