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Cocaine/Signs Someone is Relapsing or addicted


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Old 18th November 2009, 1:47 PM   #1
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Cocaine/Signs Someone is Relapsing or addicted

as many of you know i cant figure out if my ex broke up with me becuase he doesnt love me anymore or because he is using cocaine. he been haning around with alot of drug users. i caught him doing it before about 2 years ago, i know he did e. back in aug we had a mutual break up, i changed my mind and wanted to work things out, he said he didnt want to because we would never be able to get over the drug issue and i would never trust him... anytime i told him he had a drug problem he would flip out and say i was taking away his dignity and that if i dont trust him we shouldnt be together, so i could never really talk about the drug...he told me his freinds know he doesnt do that stuff but one of his freinds asked him to do e in front of me, and my bf said no i dont do that stuff, and his freind replied "since when"... once i started telling him he had a problem he always had a diffent thing wrong with me, that i was tempermental, i twsited his words, that i was laid off my job, that i was untrusting, that i was overly emotional.. always somting, then he told me he didnt love me anymore then told me he did love me but wasnt sure he was "in love with me"... im just so confused any insight would be help ful
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Old 18th November 2009, 1:58 PM   #2
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Do you have someone in real life you can get support from?

I think you know the truth here, but are afraid. Identify exactly what your fear is and work on that fear. Everything else will fall into place.

He has his own demons to face and his own life to life. You can't help him or 'fix' it. He has to do that himself.

If there is a support group for loved ones of drug users in your area, join it. Take positive steps for yourself.

Clearly, if he has a history of cocaine abuse and is currently 'hanging around' with drug users, he's using. Take that for granted.
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Old 18th November 2009, 5:47 PM   #3
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its just so confusing becuase after i tried telling him we were breaking up over the drugs he said it was not because of that and he wasnt sure if he loved me anymore and stuff like that but became very defensive when i told him he had a problem... he doesnt seem like an addict he has two jobs very good ones, very good family guy out going and stuff hes not like he is some junkie that sits in the house all day and is in a daze.. then i start wondering if its really me and he doesnt love me.. but they he wants to stay freinds and talk and say he might want to get back together sometime but isnt rushing into anything.. i never liked some of his freinds cause they would come over the house and all do drugs in the bathroom i told my bf i didnt like this but he never did anthying to stop it... then he said i was trying to control him and not let him see his freinds..one of these freinds is a pure drug addict like thats all he lives for doesnt have a good job or anthing like that but always lookin to do drugs
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Old 18th November 2009, 5:55 PM   #4
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People who use coke can be very high functioning. It can make them very focused with high energy until they come down, hence the need for more coke. If the person has an addictive personality, it can be a death spiral. In it, they don't see any of what you see. It's an altered state of consciousness.

Once you get support and are with people who can identify with what you're going through, a lot of what is confusing will begin to make sense.
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Old 18th November 2009, 6:10 PM   #5
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but what if i am just exaggerating and he really means what he says about me thats my problem i go back and fouth thinking its me or the drugs its one of the two.. i just hope im not accusing i havent seen him do it in over a year but i only really was with him on weekends... but when we broke up he was seeing those guys alot more and wanted to go away with them and his freinds were doing drugs when we went... his freinds didnt like me and though i was controlin cause i was tough on stuff like that im sure they bad mouthed me to him to
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Old 18th November 2009, 6:28 PM   #6
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My bet is you know him pretty well, probably better than you want to. You know his behaviors, his little quirks, his signs. Watch those. They never lie. His lips can lie.

Again, someone who has been through this can share with you and support you in ways which will be meaningful to you. It's something that just isn't possible over the internet, IMO. You need real life support.
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Old 18th November 2009, 7:46 PM   #7
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also from what i know and i observed he never cut out his family or anything, but i was the only one that seemed to confront him on the drugs, it so i wonder if me questioning it made him push me away..
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Old 18th November 2009, 8:38 PM   #8
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come to think of it he really didnt cut me out to much just didnt invite me out or anthing i had to initiate everthing but he still wanted me around and he didnt like it when i told him we were gonna have NC he said he ddint want that... i jsut dont understand this..
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Old 19th November 2009, 12:55 PM   #9
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if its the actual drug use and his actions regarding the drug use you need advice about, use this site:

http://www.talktofrank.com/


Coke is a very, very serious drug, made even more so by the users ability to carry on functioning when taking it (as long as they arent taking tons of it, if he was, you would know about it)
I have used in the past and am now 100% clean.
although i used most recreational drugs, i can honestly say that coke was (for me) the most dangerous.
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Old 19th November 2009, 1:48 PM   #10
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The cold, hard truth is, you don't really know who someone is when
they're using.

His hyper-defensiveness to you calling him out tells me the problem is worse than you may realize.

part of the whole drug culture is about lying, hiding things, while trying to maintain a facade of normalcy.Until he cleans up entirely, I don't feel you can put much stock in anything he says.........................especially if he's in denial himself. He may not wish to hurt you, but as long as he's lying to himself, he's going to lie to everyone around him.

My experience with people that are immersed in drug usage, is that they
cut everyone out of their lives that doesn't enable or endorse their drug
usage. It's sad.........................

When it gets bad enough, all you can do is care from a distance. They
have to climb out of their own holes, for themselves.Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they wake up............
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Old 19th November 2009, 9:29 PM   #11
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well i been on NC for seven weeks, he sent me an email today saying that "He respects and understands my decision(prob about nc) and that i might think that its been easy for him but its not and that he has a lot of regret for letting what happened happen" i havent answered and dont know what to do... whats ur advice.. malen how would i know if he was taking tons of it?
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Old 20th November 2009, 1:49 AM   #12
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ok, i dont want to make myself look bad , but it is important..

I was addicted for cocaine for a long period of my life. And the one thing that i definitely remember is that i though i could not trust anyone, i was paranoid, too focused on my own high..Cocaine addiction is terrible it wrecked me, eventually i became a lone addict had no friends , no life, just coke.. it sucked... Most addicts i knew always became very distant from the ones they loved, they would make up complex stories and elaborate on the truth ( when they did tell the truth) which made it sound like a lie anyway. the Human will is the only Cure, Clean for 4 years... still want to use.. but dont think its hopeless if you want him to come out and recover, you have to tell him how it affects you..he will deny using , call you stupid..ect. but if you care you will push, but very lightly im mean VERY LIGHTLY ... forcing someone to out themselves can lead to worse things... but this is only from my experience.. its different with every person... but what ever you do dont blame yourself if things get out of hand.. dont
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Old 20th November 2009, 12:35 PM   #13
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user do you think that if he is haning with a lot of guys that do drugs he is using them also, we been broken up for three months almost 7 weeks of NO Contact for me.. he send an email other day saying he regrets lettign what happened happen and it hasnt been easy for him.. do people who drugs do this, take off for a while do drugs then wanna come back?
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Old 20th November 2009, 12:48 PM   #14
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Decide what your boundary for a relationship is. If he needs to be clean, and for a period of time, before you'll consider any intimacy/relationship with him, communicate that to him. You decide the parameters. I'd say a year would be a good start. The key here is to not have sex with him. Break the oxytocin bond.
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Old 20th November 2009, 1:46 PM   #15
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confused,

First: If he is hanging out with people who use drugs, and he is a known addict then im sorry to say that, yes he is most likely using still. peer pressure is a big factor for an addict, especially if they relapse like its no big deal.
second: When he e-mails you and says he feels bad, it usually means that is is just feeling bad for himself, he could possibly only be just coming down off a high...coming down off of a narcotic makes you feel like dieing, you get depressed and lonely and realize all your faults, but all those feelings will be erased the next time he uses.... If he really cares, he would try to help himself, and lose the friends and get new ones.. He would have to avoid all the things he used to do when he got high, like drinking, parties, ect.

dont fall victim to his games, if he really wants you, he needs to save himself first.
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