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does anybody give the Silent Treatment?


amaysngrace

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amaysngrace

Why do you do that? What’s going through your mind? What do you think if the person you’re giving it to ignores you back? What would you want to hear from them to open up communication?

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If I'm giving the silent treatment, I'm done unless the person can convince me it won't happen again, which I am disinclined to believe.

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amaysngrace

Done what? Discussing it further to reach an understanding?

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Wallysbears

Ugh. I hate this nonsense. I don't do "silent treatment" unless I'm REALLY angry and need some time to cool off before I say something I know I will regret later.

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I don't do silent treatment and wouldn't date someone who does.

 

Last time someone gave me silent treatment, it lasted for 2-3 days. I told them it was unacceptable and they needed to treat me with respect or leave. They left. I found out later they had a mental illness which they refused to medicate.

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amaysngrace
Ugh. I hate this nonsense. I don't do "silent treatment" unless I'm REALLY angry and need some time to cool off before I say something I know I will regret later.

 

So what’s the best approach to break you out of it? I am not going to apologize because I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. At all. Even less now since I asked a question and didn’t get a response since yesterday.

 

Do you ever come around on your own or just wait for the other person to cave?

 

My problem is I’m very vocal. If something is bothering me I have no problem being forthright with how I’m feeling so I can’t relate to doing this to somebody at all.

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Wallysbears

I don't do the "silent treatment" thing. I'll walk away until I'm cooled down enough to not say something I regret. We're talking MAYBE an hour. Then I come back to finish the conversation. Not days or anything.

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My Dad used to do that to us growing up and it really sucked.. we used to call it our turn in the barrel.

He would sometimes go a few days without speaking to someone if he was pissed..

 

I don't do the silent treatment.. in fact quite the opposite.. I bring it all out and discuss it rather quickly.. my wife does a version of it, if she is pissed she will only talk to me about things that relate to her directly of my Son.. I'm off the table and she won't even serve the dinner on my plate that day..

 

I don't understand it honestly.. to me it is a form of non communication and it stays in that form later after the parties are talking..

 

Nothing gets resolved, only swept under the rug till it comes out at some other time in resentment and then it's the silent version again.. rinse and repeat...

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amaysngrace

My dad use to give my mom the silent treatment quite a bit and one day I was visiting there and called them both out on it before I left. I told them when they don’t speak it makes it tense for everyone around them and then walked out the door.

 

To my knowledge they never did that to one another again, although mostly it was really just my dad starting it and my mom reacting to him.

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My problem is I’m very vocal. If something is bothering me I have no problem being forthright with how I’m feeling so I can’t relate to doing this to somebody at all.

 

Could it be argued that you're too vocal? Are you able to let the small stuff slide and save the discussions for the big stuff?

 

What happened before he went silent? And how often does he do this? If it's just this once, could it be that he's using this time to reconsider whether he wants to be in a relationship with you?

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What I mean is if someone makes me so mad that I don't want to talk, it's basically over. When I'm quiet, that's when I really irretrievably mad.

 

I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who sulled up on a semiweekly basis and clammed up because it can't be that important if they're still there.

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amaysngrace
Could it be argued that you're too vocal? Are you able to let the small stuff slide and save the discussions for the big stuff?

 

What happened before he went silent? And how often does he do this? If it's just this once, could it be that he's using this time to reconsider whether he wants to be in a relationship with you?

 

It’s my son. He’s getting married and is putting me at the head table with my sister who won’t talk to me. She cursed me out a couple times before we stopped talking and I’d asked her not to speak to me that way and she did it again anyway. She’s excluded me from planning my parents anniversary party and I found out about it when I got the invitation in the mail saying it’s being given by “their children”, I was the only one left out of that and the rest planned it unbeknownst to me, she’s accused me of taking a document of my father’s that later turned up, no apology was given, she’s hosted family gatherings that she’s left me out of, and she’s just very angry with me. I saw her in the late summer at a family surprise birthday party and she looked so pissed off at me. Still. I’m hosting a shower for my future DIL and sent her an invite. She texted my daughter that she can’t make it.

 

I just would rather not sit with someone who is so hostile towards me at the reception but it’s what my son wants. I asked him to please seat me somewhere else. I explained that I don’t want to be uncomfortable and just want to have a good time. I wasn’t demanding she be moved, I asked that I’d be.

 

I don’t know, am I wrong here?

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amaysngrace

Part of me says they can have him although they’re pretty crappy towards him. They being my sisters. I’ve heard them make fun of him and his bride to be join in. He will be the new me in their eyes. I know it. They resent the hell out of him because he grew up being raised by my parents. He even got a full share of the inheritance because his dad and I signed over legal custody so that he could attend school there and claim residence. My parents never stopped talking about him but that’s because he was in their home and part of their daily lives.

 

My one sister has expressed to me how much it bothered her that the sun rose and set on him. Then there’s the money thing.

 

Both of my sisters and their families did spend a lot of time with him because they visited my parents a lot and spent nearly every weekend there in summer.

 

So I’m really struggling here because I feel if I give him away I’d be giving him away twice. And I also don’t want to throw him to the wolves. But a bigger part of me fears he is a wolf already.

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littleblackheart

Do you think that maybe he's talking it over with his bride so as to rearrange the seating plan?

 

Or is known for giving you the silent treatment?

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amaysngrace

He’s never done it before. To me anyway.

 

I really don’t know what he’s thinking since he hasn’t answered me.

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Your son should respect your wishes. What's the matter with him? If he wont' move you, move yourself. Just take the place card and change it. He shouldn't ruin this for you.

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amaysngrace
Your son should respect your wishes. What's the matter with him? If he wont' move you, move yourself. Just take the place card and change it. He shouldn't ruin this for you.

 

Thanks preraph. Right now my only comfort is in knowing that I didn’t raise him. Usually that thought makes me sad and if I’m truly honest it still does.

 

But I’ll use it to work in my favor for now.

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women are the masters of the silent treatment, I don't see many guys use it's power

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amaysngrace

In my family both men and women use it. Not in my house but in the house I grew up in.

 

In my house we talk to each other and always try to be respectful of one another by hearing each other out if one of us has something on their mind that’s bothering them.

 

All I know is I haven’t been this stressed out in a very long time. I felt like my hands were shaking because of how my insides were feeling. I took an anti-anxiety med and it’s helped a little. I haven’t taken one of those in a really long time either but I’m so glad I had one to be able to take.

 

As of right now I have people coming to a shower on Sunday for a bride I’m not even sure will show up. He’s responsible for getting her there.

 

I would never do this to somebody I cared about. It’s horrible.

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It sounds like he gets on with all the family (I make this assumption as he's invited them all) and was hoping that the adults could all put issues aside and play nice for the duration of the wedding. He's probably wringing his hands now because of the drama and doesn't know who to kick off another table to accommodate you.

 

If he didn't have an answer to what you need and called you, would you be able to put the issue aside? Or would you further press him on it? If it's the latter, this is probably why he hasn't continued talking about it.

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amaysngrace

I understand where you’re coming from basil. And I try to see where he very well may be feeling that way but I’m still feeling disrespected that I wasn’t asked if I’d be okay with that. Rule #1 in wedding seating etiquette is not to put people together who don’t get along.

 

And the juggling of the guests isn’t really even a factor right now since all guests haven’t even responded yet. I’m sure there’ll be a seat for me to sit in somewhere. And no, I really don’t want to sit with her and her husband. Ideally I’d rather sit with my best friend and her husband who he told me to invite and my aunt, my two uncles and their wives and there’s my table of eight. But I haven’t been asked my preferences at all.

 

He had enough consideration to know not to ask and that’s where his consideration of me ends.

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littleblackheart

amaysngrace, genuinely sorry you're feeling so much stress. You seem like a thoughtful poster on here.

 

Do you think that maybe this situation has been compounded by the recent issues you've been having with your exH, which may explain why you are especially anxious at the moment? (I say this because my usually relatively zen composure tends to get a hit whenever my exH brings his drama into mine and the kids' lives, and affects how I react to other unrelated situations).

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Wallysbears

Ugh...weddings can bring up SO much family stress and drama. I'm sorry you are going through this. Please don't let it stress you out too much. Hang in there.

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amaysngrace

Thank you everyone, truly.

 

I reached out and told him I’m sorry for giving him a hard time and asked if he was still mad at me. He said he’s not mad, just trying to figure where to seat me. I told him if he wants me to sit at that table I will and he said he understands how I feel but really would like me to sit there rather than some other table and I told him that was fine and it’ll be okay.

 

Then we texted back and forth to catch up on the past few days. I’m so glad that’s over.

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