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3 years after going no contact


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Old 8th November 2018, 8:12 PM   #1
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3 years after going no contact

It is 3 years after going no contact with the abusive man I used to love and want to be with the rest of my life. I still have no friends i can call on, I have been single this whole time and when i get a crush I feel so uncomfortable; almost like it's threatening.

I have a crush now on a teacher at the high school, he teaches one of my college classes. It just sucks, one being I cannot initiate anything with him or vice versus. Its just unethical to do anything unprofessional with him lol. Which being in my 30's I totally understand all the reasons why we do not interlope with them. I figured maybe after i graduate with my AA I can approach him, but then ill be moving to another city. I just hate having crushes.

anyone else have that problem of hating crushes?
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Old 17th December 2018, 5:18 PM   #2
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I don't hate the guy I'm crushing on (we're dating - exclusive!) But I have found it hard after my breakup with my abusive ex to really be happy. When he buys me small, thoughtful gifts, I get very emotional and have to remind myself that he's not doing anything wrong and that this is how I deserve to be treated. My ex treated me so horribly at times, that I really did believe I was a bad person and that I deserved it and that I was not worthy to be taken out or have nice things bought for me.

I have told the new guy snippets, just that I find it hard to trust and that him planning dates or taking me to dinner might not garner the reaction he wants as I'm just so not used to it, and do you know what his reply was? "I'll keep doing whatever it takes to make you smile." And I felt myself start to fall for that man.

Keep going, you're so strong and brave and you deserve happiness. Never forget that!
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Old 23rd December 2018, 11:49 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KissingFire View Post
I don't hate the guy I'm crushing on (we're dating - exclusive!) But I have found it hard after my breakup with my abusive ex to really be happy. When he buys me small, thoughtful gifts, I get very emotional and have to remind myself that he's not doing anything wrong and that this is how I deserve to be treated. My ex treated me so horribly at times, that I really did believe I was a bad person and that I deserved it and that I was not worthy to be taken out or have nice things bought for me.

I have told the new guy snippets, just that I find it hard to trust and that him planning dates or taking me to dinner might not garner the reaction he wants as I'm just so not used to it, and do you know what his reply was? "I'll keep doing whatever it takes to make you smile." And I felt myself start to fall for that man.

Keep going, you're so strong and brave and you deserve happiness. Never forget that!
Your post has made me smile so much today. These holidays are the first in a long time that are incredibly rough, and your post gave me some much-needed warmth and joy your guy sounds so cute and lovely.

And I second everything you said to the OP: keep going and keep reminding yourself you deserve happiness!
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Old 23rd December 2018, 2:34 PM   #4
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At 3 years NC, isn't it time to stop the counting?
He is just your ex.
Time to move on and make new memories.
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Old 23rd December 2018, 4:18 PM   #5
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There was a time I enjoyed my crushes. Gave me that motivation to go to school or work. I used it to my advantage. But even if you are moving, you can still build your flirt game with this guy. Work on your confidence. Get out there and be bold.
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