Fist fight with my ex

[lovecanbeharsh]

Before I get into the story, let me state that this is not an attempt at trolling (I was banned on another site when posting this issue)

 

So me and my ex have gotten into quite a bad situation where she accused me of emotionally cheating on her with another girl I didn't even know over the internet.

 

The argument intensified and physically assaulted me, started hitting me with fists, biting, scratching, throwing glasses, playstation and everything in her reach at me. At some point I started hitting back (because the gentleman I am my ego will not allow me to be mistreated by a woman like that). In my self-defense as I was on the bed, fending off blows I kicked her and she gasped for air. I went to help her and when I thought she regained her composure she startd doing it again. I gave up at some point and balled in a position where I would sustain the least amount of damage.

 

Eventually she calmed down and things got better.

 

I don't want to hit anybody, may it be a woman or a guy, but my belief is if they have the nerve to induce bodily harm and not think about the repercussions, they deserve to face reality.

 

No matter how much you provoke a person, he can't just lose his cool and hit you, whether it's a slap or of more serious nature.

 

What do you guys think about that. Would you have just walked away? take the punches? The woman did weigh 1.5x more than me if you wonder how masculine I am.

[BaileyB]

You should have walked away and called 911.

 

When she went low, you went lower... There are no winners in this kind of situation, only losers.

 

Physical violence should never be tolerated, by either partner.

Edited February 11, 2018 by BaileyB

[anika99]

The best thing to do is leave but if the person is making that impossible then you call the police and restrain the person who is hitting you if possible. That being said I can understand why the immediate response to being hit would be to hit back. It's human nature to fight back but it's such a dangerous thing to do in this situation.

 

What if you had really injured her? Or worse, killed her? Sounds far fetched but it's a possibility, had you damaged her internal organs or if she fell and hit her head. Think of the repercussions of that. Her life would be senselessly lost or forever damaged and you would be in a world of trouble.

[lovecanbeharsh]

Thanks for the honest replies. I certainly hope that I reach differently next time.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

(because the gentleman I am my ego will not allow me to be mistreated by a woman like that)

 

This sentence makes no sense. Leave the "gentleman" part off and it makes sense.

 

A gentleman would have walked away to a safe place and called the cops.

[skywriter]

(because the gentleman I am my ego will not allow me to be mistreated by a woman like that).

 

This statement kinda threw me off. I know it's difficult to walk away and I wasn't there but, this is what a gentleman would have done. I am not a candidate for calling 911 unless you just can't avoid it.

 

The reason being because someones going to jail, have a record and you may as well get your wallet out, for court cost and an attorney.

[Ronni_W]

At some point I started hitting back (because the gentleman I am my ego will not allow me to be mistreated by a woman like that).

That is not the best perspective. You would want to get to the point where you can say, "The person that I am will not allow me to be in a situation where I ever will be mistreated like that, by anybody...regardless of their gender."

 

If this was your first experience in a situation like this, then you might want to spend the time to become consciously aware of all the 'red flags' that you missed in the time leading up to this incident.

(NOT to spend time thinking about what her character flaws or 'disorders' are or might be, but rather to think about the 'what and why' of your own 'blindness' that caused you to miss accepting the signs that were already there for you to see.)

 

If, on the other hand, it's a relationship pattern that you're more personally familiar with (be that from a parent, sibling or other type of important person in your life), then look at it from that angle. (Again, not to blame or hold accountable the other person/people...but only with the goal of trying to uncover what you, yourself and personally, can learn and take away from it, so as to improve how you're going to be doing the rest of your own life.)

 

That said, good on you for making this person an 'ex'. .

[preraph]

Men are stronger than women, more muscular, more power. You should never hit a woman but should, as others said, just call 911. I'm sorry she hit you, real sorry. It was wrong. But the potential for harm is a lot more when a man hits a woman in most cases. You either need to move on or both get anger management and counseling if you think it's worth saving. Good luck.

[skywriter]

Before I get into the story, let me state that this is not an attempt at trolling (I was banned on another site when posting this issue)

 

So me and my ex have gotten into quite a bad situation where she accused me of emotionally cheating on her with another girl I didn't even know over the internet.

 

The argument intensified and physically assaulted me, started hitting me with fists, biting, scratching, throwing glasses, playstation and everything in her reach at me. At some point I started hitting back (because the gentleman I am my ego will not allow me to be mistreated by a woman like that). In my self-defense as I was on the bed, fending off blows I kicked her and she gasped for air. I went to help her and when I thought she regained her composure she startd doing it again. I gave up at some point and balled in a position where I would sustain the least amount of damage.

 

Eventually she calmed down and things got better.

 

I don't want to hit anybody, may it be a woman or a guy, but my belief is if they have the nerve to induce bodily harm and not think about the repercussions, they deserve to face reality.

 

No matter how much you provoke a person, he can't just lose his cool and hit you, whether it's a slap or of more serious nature.

 

What do you guys think about that. Would you have just walked away? take the punches? The woman did weigh 1.5x more than me if you wonder how masculine I am.

 

lovecanbeharsh, what's your update?

[lovecanbeharsh]

lovecanbeharsh, what's your update?

 

She was the one who broke it off with me an calling me emotionally and physically abusive (which I presume she was told by her friends without doing any research what it is). I've never put her down, sure I was clingy for only having her in my life (as I moved countries) and I couldn't make any friends in the long run.

 

I have been in NC for a month now, and I plan to return to the same city to work. I love that place and I hope I don't run into her any time soon as it would give her the wrong idea. I'm working on myself to be less provocative and emotionally in control to prevent this from happening in the future.

 

Do you have any suggestions what to do/say when I do bump into her at the socials or just about in the area? I'm not too intrigued to see the bewildered look on her face when she sees me who originally lives thousands of miles away.

 

Thanks

[major_merrick]

I will go out on a limb and disagree with the previous posters. When you git hit, you have every right to hit back. However, for different reasons than you are thinking. Your goal is to prevent further assault by discouraging or disabling your attacker. You then have to ask yourself, "How much force is necessary?" If your opponent is someone small or with less physical power or you think they aren't trying to do significant injury, you can use blocking techniques only to deflect blows...ie, shield without counterattack. Give some thought to your level of training, both physically and mentally. You could have called the cops, but that seldom turns out well even if you are in the right. Government is never the solution, unless you somehow have a way of making the government persecute your opponent.

 

But, that part is over and done. As to what to do if you run into her? Make a world where you don't have to run into her. Either find a way to change yourself to where you aren't recognizable from a distance, or find a way to get her removed from the area (legal issues, loss of job, whatever). Even better, find somewhere else to be so things don't start up again. When I ended a bad relationship with a cheating ex, I moved a long ways away and never went back....making a mess of her life before I left for good.

[lovecanbeharsh]

When I ended a bad relationship with a cheating ex, I moved a long ways away and never went back....making a mess of her life before I left for good.

 

Good advice. Please do tell more about this part. I'm curious now

[skywriter]

I will go out on a limb and disagree with the previous posters. When you git hit, you have every right to hit back. However, for different reasons than you are thinking. Your goal is to prevent further assault by discouraging or disabling your attacker. You then have to ask yourself, "How much force is necessary?" If your opponent is someone small or with less physical power or you think they aren't trying to do significant injury, you can use blocking techniques only to deflect blows...ie, shield without counterattack. Give some thought to your level of training, both physically and mentally. You could have called the cops, but that seldom turns out well even if you are in the right. Government is never the solution, unless you somehow have a way of making the government persecute your opponent.

 

But, that part is over and done. As to what to do if you run into her? Make a world where you don't have to run into her. Either find a way to change yourself to where you aren't recognizable from a distance, or find a way to get her removed from the area (legal issues, loss of job, whatever). Even better, find somewhere else to be so things don't start up again. When I ended a bad relationship with a cheating ex, I moved a long ways away and never went back....making a mess of her life before I left for good.

 

Yes, I agree with what Major Merrickis conveying in terms of diffusing & or trying to restrain. However, I would add, please try to get to know the people you get closer to emotionally and physically and avoid those with tendancies to be abusive, combative, what have you. I would avoid this person .I wouldn't want to run into her if I could help it. Sounds like TROUBLE....Yikes.

 

I just wanted to add, that you may even be inclined to explain to future potential girlfriends that you don't do drama, no physical or verbal attacks and if anyone believes it's heading in this direction to seperate until everyone is calmer and can communicate.

 

I've seen innocent men accused of things they actually had not done because of manipulative women. I know one poor fella. His now ex-fiance,well, he discovered she had a lover. She kicked her fiance out, only upon discovery, and moved in the lover. She went to the courts, and had a restraining order put on her ex fiance. She then proceeded to break her own restraining order to see her ex fiance when she wanted sex, money, etc. Eventually he put a stop to her seeing him on the side, but, point is, women are likely believed ,over men, by the law enforcement ,first.

Edited February 16, 2018 by skywriter

[skywriter]

lovecanbeharsh, Here's another example for you. My long time family plumber. He married a woman, six years down the road, she's working in retail, and meet a police officer.

 

She has an affair with him. One day she gets off work, goes home packs up and leaves a note, its over, I'm gone.Well the plumber is bewildered by this and goes on to find her and beg her back.

 

The police officer, her new lover, says, not having it, you go to the courts and file a complaint. She tells the police that he's come onto her new property and damaged her yard, threatened her life, yada yada.

 

Long story, short, when she told this story, the plumber wasn't even in the same state. The police were gonna charge him, based on her claim.He had to appear before a judge.

 

Luckily, he had been tallking to his buddy, told him what happened, and his buddy says he, plumber, we went to the drag races that weekend and I kept my ticket in my wallet.

 

Plumber, proceeds to check his wallet, and produces his ticket with date, time of entering the event, and boom, was able to prove he couldn't be in two places at the same time.

 

I am sorry but, unfortunantly, you can be guilty until proven innocent. I say, who needs it? Just avoid, avoid, avoid, if at all possible those that are indicative of being trouble.

Edited February 16, 2018 by skywriter

[lovecanbeharsh]

Those were some good examples skywriter. In my case she won't go to the court as she has done way more damage to me than I had done to her. (I actually had a physical mark by my eye, but it healed in a week. I was pretty bad at handling arguments, but she didn't know when to stop, so she would either take a knife and threaten to cut herself if I didn't say or do things she wanted me to during an argument, take like 10 painkillers, or hit/shove in anger.

 

She only wanted it her way and I was almost never in a bargaining position. As a result of that I had thrown the big knives away and the pills as well.

 

We still had bleach and scissors though... I know it may sound bad, but after all of the above, I just couldn't care anymore. When she last seeked attention that way I was so emotionally drained I just couldn't care anymore and stood there defeated while she tried to perform this BS on me and soon realised it has no effect. That's when she "checked out" and I'm glad she did.

 

Sometimes I feared she would so something to me when I slept and on top of that I had to deal with the anxiety of her cheating on me in the past.

 

She's a really cute girl and all, but the trauma is unbearable. I hope she won't react that way with people in the future because we feel responsible.

[skywriter]

Dang, lovecanbeharsh, I dunno your age, but, I'm not the youngest chick in he yard. I'm about to celebrate my 54th birthday.

 

My son and daughter are in their 30's now. They are both single parents and very skeptical of people mainly because they are responsible parents.

 

So, their rule of thumb is talk, talk, talk, to whom they are getting to know.

What's that saying, "Look deep before you leap?"

 

I think it should apply to everyone really.

 

I tell you the truth. I told my sweetheart real early on. I ain't up for any drama, so if you think you are bringing any. I will send you right on up the path.( I live way down a dirt path.)

 

He said, "really, you would do that to me?" Heck yea, if you are bringing me grief, you gotta go.

[lovecanbeharsh]

When she got furious she would throw a phone at me with full force. That **** hurts. She's broken that phone, my laptop screen, thorn shirts, made a hole in a wall. She was so angry for a woman. Is that normal?

[skywriter]

When she got furious she would throw a phone at me with full force. That **** hurts. She's broken that phone, my laptop screen, thorn shirts, made a hole in a wall. She was so angry for a woman. Is that normal?

 

No it isn't normal.

[Rainah]

Men are stronger than women, more muscular, more power. You should never hit a woman but should, as others said, just call 911. I'm sorry she hit you, real sorry. It was wrong. But the potential for harm is a lot more when a man hits a woman in most cases. You either need to move on or both get anger management and counseling if you think it's worth saving. Good luck.

 

I disagree with this, some women are stronger then men, consider muscle, speed or weight on your side. Also woman have gotten a lot tougher nowadays, as in a lot more violent in fighting.

[lovecanbeharsh]

I don't care too much about the strength, I'm more of a principle kind of guy. What's morally accepted and how to react means more to me than anything.

 

As you all know there are does an don'ts in life and I strictly follow those. Hitting back probably wasn't a good idea and I shouldn't have done it now that I think back, and I keep telling myself I would never have done it first no matter what.

 

So if some random guy started punching me on the street you bet your as* I would hit back, only this time much stronger.

Edited February 19, 2018 by lovecanbeharsh

[lostanddestroyed]

I've been attacked a dozen times by my gf. She's given me bloody lips and cut up my head once. She's broken my laptop, dishes, anything that's in front of her when she enters a rage.

 

I've never hit her back. Not even close. The most I can try and do is grab her arms and hold them so she can't do more damage. And sometimes I hold them so tightly it hurts her and I feel bad about that.

[lovecanbeharsh]

I've been attacked a dozen times by my gf. She's given me bloody lips and cut up my head once. She's broken my laptop, dishes, anything that's in front of her when she enters a rage.

 

I've never hit her back. Not even close. The most I can try and do is grab her arms and hold them so she can't do more damage. And sometimes I hold them so tightly it hurts her and I feel bad about that.

 

You sir are lost and destroyed!

 

Are you still in that relationship? I commend you for acting that way!

[lostanddestroyed]

I guess not. I'm trying to reconcile things with her but she keeps telling me to **** off. I miss her. I can't imagine ever hitting her.