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Which kind of abuse would you call it?


Confushious

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Confushious

To anyone who will read or reply. Yes I did a very stupid thing. Fell in love with a man 8 years ago, bought a house together thinking we would eventually get married. 8 years later he tells me " I just don't want to get married" No more to it. But that is not the problem. I have a 14 year old daughter who had seen me get verbally and emotional abused by this man. I just put our house on the market because I decided I had enough of being so emotionally distraut over this guy and left. Two days before New Years. At first I was ok, I was so buisy trying to move the hell out as fast as I could before I changed my mind, but now that everything has calmed down and im living with my mother, not so much. I'm thinking, I'm crying and scared. Another problem I am only 3 minuets from the house that he is still living in, or should I say using as a batchlor pad.

 

So its been 2 and a half months and all I want is the house to sell and move on. Is March and I live in NJ we just had a hug snow storm.....ughhh. Like walking away from everything I had isn't bad enough, now I am going stir crazy sitting in the house. I miss him, I still love him, but this isn't the first time I left. I left back in November and went back cause I wanted to see if we could work things out, I would never know if I didn't try andi could not live with knowng that. We both knew the things we had to work on.

 

Well here I am 4 months later, I left him, took my daughter and ran. That is how miserable I was. He would say the meanest things to me, look at me in the nastiest ways and I would feel like I was walking on egg shells all the time. Never knew what to say or how to say something in fear hed blow up. The last straw was him calling me a bitchin front of my daughter. Im sorry is it wrong for me to feel like there is no respect there for me? Then tells me I have been called worse. As if that makes it better?

 

What would I be teaching my daughter if I continued to let him treat me this way. I don't want her to think it is right? I need some help getting threw this. There is so much more to tell, so much emotional damage that has been done to both of us, im just trying to reach out to other people and get a unbiost view. It hurts like hell to hear my 14 year old daughter tell me "Mom he treats you like ****" That's pretty powerful! Help anyone......

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To anyone who will read or reply. Yes I did a very stupid thing. Fell in love with a man 8 years ago, bought a house together thinking we would eventually get married. 8 years later he tells me " I just don't want to get married" No more to it. But that is not the problem. I have a 14 year old daughter who had seen me get verbally and emotional abused by this man. I just put our house on the market because I decided I had enough of being so emotionally distraut over this guy and left. Two days before New Years. At first I was ok, I was so buisy trying to move the hell out as fast as I could before I changed my mind, but now that everything has calmed down and im living with my mother, not so much. I'm thinking, I'm crying and scared. Another problem I am only 3 minuets from the house that he is still living in, or should I say using as a batchlor pad. So its been 2 and a half months and all I want is the house to sell and move on. Is March and I live in NJ we just had a hug snow storm.....ughhh. Like walking away from everything I had isn't bad enough, now I am going stir crazy sitting in the house. I miss him, I still love him, but this isn't the first time I left. I left back in November and went back cause I wanted to see if we could work things out, I would never know if I didn't try andi could not live with knowng that. We both knew the things we had to work on. Well here I am 4 months later, I left him, took my daughter and ran. That is how miserable I was. He would say the meanest things to me, look at me in the nastiest ways and I would feel like I was walking on egg shells all the time. Never knew what to say or how to say something in fear hed blow up. The last straw was him calling me a bitchin front of my daughter. Im sorry is it wrong for me to feel like there is no respect there for me? Then tells me I have been called worse. As if that makes it better? What would I be teaching my daughter if I continued to let him treat me this way. I don't want her to think it is right? I need some help getting threw this. There is so much more to tell, so much emotional damage that has been done to both of us, im just trying to reach out to other people and get a unbiost view. It hurts like hell to hear my 14 year old daughter tell me "Mom he treats you like ****" That's pretty powerful! Help anyone......

 

Hi there .... first, sending you huge hugs.

 

Re-read what I bolded up above. You are a million percent correct - you cannot allow this to continue, you cannot allow your daughter to watch you subject yourself (and her) to this abusive relationship. Do you want to know what will happen? Because I can tell you as an (adult) daughter who grew up watching my mother's abusive relationships - I don't have a relationship with my mother, I have difficulty forming healthy relationships with men, and it has taken me more therapy than I care to admit to deal with the results. I know you don't want this for your daughter, and you obviously have a very smart girl who recognizes that you deserve better! You can teach her that if you get out - and stay out - now.

 

It will not be easy to take your life back, but I promise you it will be worth it. Can you seek some professional help (counseling)?

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You keep listening to that wise daughter of yours. You are absolutely right that it's not fair to model being treated like crap for your kids. I wish more people got it like you do.

 

If you start having problems getting the house shown or getting him out of it, you might need to contact an attorney or a judge and get a judge to tell him get out so you can sell and divide the money.

 

Stay strong. It will be okay eventually.

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Confushious
Hi there .... first, sending you huge hugs.

 

Re-read what I bolded up above. You are a million percent correct - you cannot allow this to continue, you cannot allow your daughter to watch you subject yourself (and her) to this abusive relationship. Do you want to know what will happen? Because I can tell you as an (adult) daughter who grew up watching my mother's abusive relationships - I don't have a relationship with my mother, I have difficulty forming healthy relationships with men, and it has taken me more therapy than I care to admit to deal with the results. I know you don't want this for your daughter, and you obviously have a very smart girl who recognizes that you deserve better! You can teach her that if you get out - and stay out - now.

 

It will not be easy to take your life back, but I promise you it will be worth it. Can you seek some professional help (counseling)?

Unfortunitly my examples of the abuse were mild, and yes I am seeking to go to a counselor. Its so hard when they have a wonderful side as well. In my case the bad outweighed the good. Thank you so so much for replying I need any kind of support I can get!
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Confushious
You keep listening to that wise daughter of yours. You are absolutely right that it's not fair to model being treated like crap for your kids. I wish more people got it like you do.

 

If you start having problems getting the house shown or getting him out of it, you might need to contact an attorney or a judge and get a judge to tell him get out so you can sell and divide the money.

 

Stay strong. It will be okay eventually.

 

 

Thank you for your reply. There is so much hurt with the words he has said the head games and the control. The calling me a bitch in front of her was as mild as I could think. Yes, I may need to take the attorney route soon. I think now that he is done being depressed that I left he is going to play games. In fact last week he text me, im ready to move in with someone and let you worry about the house. Let me tell you how I PANICKED. I didn't and still don't know how to take that. I'v asked him in a reply and he wont repond? Except he is ready to go be around people again. Sounds like a guilt trip to me. This whole situation really suks!

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Like walking away from everything I had isn't bad enough, now I am going stir crazy sitting in the house.

 

Don't you have a job? It was a big mistake to go back and subject your daughter to this type of abuse. You say you love him but love your daughter more and get her out of that situation. Go back to your mother's house. If you aren't working find a job.

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Confushious
Don't you have a job? It was a big mistake to go back and subject your daughter to this type of abuse. You say you love him but love your daughter more and get her out of that situation. Go back to your mother's house. If you aren't working find a job.

 

I have a great job, and I work full time. I went back the 1st time around because I thought I could talk him into going to counseling. Thinks were better for awhile but then they went right back to the same old bull****. So that is when I left the second time. I am NOT going back this time. Especially since he told me if we need to go to counseling "I might as well pack my **** now and leave!" I'm not going to have anyone tell me how to talk to my girlfriend was his response." He takes no responsibility for the blame, I understand that now. Yes I have some things to work on with my daughter, but we are finally out of there! For good!

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He's yanking your chain. But here's the thing. he has kids. if he wants to have some custody, he can't just move in with any old person. I do think it's time you got an attorney if you can afford to. Custody is coming, and that's the real battle. He may not think he wants joint custody, but once he gets wind you are dating again, he will ask for custody, just to try to control you. I've seen it a million times. My opinion on it is make him take joint custody, but this means your child support will be less or none, and you'll have to be able to work. But it also means you will get to have a life and date again sometime. It really sucks to walk away having all the childcare and hearing about your ex dating around and having a good old time with no responsibilities.

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Confushious
He's yanking your chain. But here's the thing. he has kids. if he wants to have some custody, he can't just move in with any old person. I do think it's time you got an attorney if you can afford to. Custody is coming, and that's the real battle. He may not think he wants joint custody, but once he gets wind you are dating again, he will ask for custody, just to try to control you. I've seen it a million times. My opinion on it is make him take joint custody, but this means your child support will be less or none, and you'll have to be able to work. But it also means you will get to have a life and date again sometime. It really sucks to walk away having all the childcare and hearing about your ex dating around and having a good old time with no responsibilities.

My daughter is not his.

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Confushious

I went to a Christmas party for work. called boyfriend for a ride home cause I had a little to much to drink. Next day Im getting accused or asked how long I been ****ing one of my coworkers because he got mouthy with the wrong person and my male coworker pushed my boyfriend up against a wall and nearly put his head threw a window. (This would be a good time to mention the boyfriend just recently had back surgery.) Problem is I wasn't in the room when it happened. Got treated like **** the entire next day and then called a bitch in front of my 14 year old daughter over scratching a lottery ticket he never scratched of that f I gave him that morning! REALLY? is this normal behavior. All I know is he must have said something for my coworker to go off on him that way. I know how cocky my boyfriend can be and treat people like he is holyier than thou, attitude. Then tells me well you must be sleeping with him for him to react like that. All I did was ask for a ride home, I didn't do anything wrong. I introduced him to everyone and we were playing pool next thing I know is the **** hit the fan? The whole next day I paid for it and it wasn't even my fault. Then come to find out he filed a police report a MONTH later telling the police he cant get a hold of me to get this guys name because I moved out. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP. He knew how to get a hold of me and he knew the guys last name!!!!oh if you all only new what a nut case he had become. Cant wait to tell you all about the time he flipped out over me bringing home CHEESE ITS that had letters on them!!!! holy crap, went ape **** over it. No Im not kidding, you cant make this **** up! So tell me What do you think, am I nuts for being with a guy like this, or is love just really that blind! Thank god I finally got enough courage to leave and leave for good! I could tell you stories of this Dr JEKLY and MR HYDE!

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Oh, yeah, he "couldn't remember his name" because he didn't want the police to hear what really happened.

Look, he's too volatile to be around your daughter, and I'm glad it's YOUR daughter. Makes is so much easier to get out.

 

I know there is always some love that lingers, but think of it this way: If you could love a guy like that, you can find lots of other guys to give your love to.

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I went to a Christmas party for work. called boyfriend for a ride home cause I had a little to much to drink. Next day Im getting accused or asked how long I been ****ing one of my coworkers because he got mouthy with the wrong person and my male coworker pushed my boyfriend up against a wall and nearly put his head threw a window. (This would be a good time to mention the boyfriend just recently had back surgery.) Problem is I wasn't in the room when it happened. Got treated like **** the entire next day and then called a bitch in front of my 14 year old daughter over scratching a lottery ticket he never scratched of that f I gave him that morning! REALLY? is this normal behavior. All I know is he must have said something for my coworker to go off on him that way. I know how cocky my boyfriend can be and treat people like he is holyier than thou, attitude. Then tells me well you must be sleeping with him for him to react like that. All I did was ask for a ride home, I didn't do anything wrong. I introduced him to everyone and we were playing pool next thing I know is the **** hit the fan? The whole next day I paid for it and it wasn't even my fault. Then come to find out he filed a police report a MONTH later telling the police he cant get a hold of me to get this guys name because I moved out. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP. He knew how to get a hold of me and he knew the guys last name!!!!oh if you all only new what a nut case he had become. Cant wait to tell you all about the time he flipped out over me bringing home CHEESE ITS that had letters on them!!!! holy crap, went ape **** over it. No Im not kidding, you cant make this **** up! So tell me What do you think, am I nuts for being with a guy like this, or is love just really that blind! Thank god I finally got enough courage to leave and leave for good! I could tell you stories of this Dr JEKLY and MR HYDE!

 

No none of his behavior is normal for a man who loves his woman. Don't question this, you did the right thing by moving out. Don't look back, just build a healthy life for your daughter.

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Confushious

Its been almost 3 month since I left my boyfriend and the house we bought together. It s currently up for sale. Here's my problem. Looking back now on how I was with him one day and the next I told him me and my daughter were moving out has got me a little sad. This is why I feel guilty. 2 years ago my bf got hurt at work and had to have back surgery. L4 and L5. Lower back. Back in August he had to have another one. Unortunitly he is the moody type , but after his surgeryies he became very short tempered and very nasty and angry. I understood he was living with a tremendous amount of pain, but always felt I was the on he was taking it out on. I had enough and we talked about how miserable he was and he would say things to me like "whenever your ready to throw the towel in let me know." meaning if i've had enough just leave. Low and behold his last anger outburst of accusing me of cheating did me in and I finally left. I feel bad because it looks and fels like I kicked him when he was down. Truth is I stood by his side threw 2 surgerys and watched him go threw the pain and that is what I get in return, treated like **** day in and day out. My daughter as well. I love him and it suks after 10 years it ended this way. Why do I feel guilty. I read a lot on line about people not being able to survive a relationship after back surgery because of many reasons. My boyfriend didn't abuse the pain pills, so it wasn't that that made him crazy, I think he just was in so much pain all the time and tired of sitting home not being able to do what he use to. I don't know , Im better now not being with him cause I don't have to deal with his anger issues but I wonder how he is. Sad note, he has completely stopped communicating with me and the realtor so I don't know what is going on with that. I believe I have helped him slip into more of a depressed state, which he was already in before I left him. Any body got any words? How do I get rid of this guilty feeling. It seems I did such a selfish thing, did I?

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You weren't selfish as you and your daughter do not deserve to live under verbal abuse. I imagine he is healing from his surgery, the break up and trying to move on with his life as you are. It's good that the house is up for sale so each of you should have some money coming which should give you both a new life.

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Confushious

I've decided tonight I am going to give it all up. I'm gonna walk away from the house and all the hard work I put into it. My 9 year relationship has ended because I left ,because I was so unhappy. Why am I giving him half the mortgage while he is still living there till it sells? That could take forever. I am going to see a lawyer about getting my name of the mortgage and deed. Called a quit claims deed. He can have the money I just want to get on with my life. He is starting to play games with me and the realtor. it is just not worth it!!!!

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Depending on the length of the relationship and the applicable family law in your area, you're probably entitled to 1/2 the property as he will be deemed to have held it in trust for you. Google constructive trust/unjust enrichment, and go see a lawyer. You will regret giving it up. But before seeing that lawyer make sure you check into any references you can, for example, online. There are good and bad/greedy lawyers so search for the good one. S/he may be hard to find but s/he's out there. ;)

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Don't make up your mind what to do until you hire the attorney and listen to what he can do for you. You'll need some profit from the house to pay him.

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Confushious

So I am 3 months gone out of my 8 year relationship and I went out last night with a girlfriend and I really had a good time. I have read so many posts and articles on line about other people going threw similar situations. All of them stating it gets better with time. The hurt, moving on, getting past the memories. I didn't believe it, and thought the pain would never START to go away. There were days I wished for anything to just get out of the severe depression I was in. I would think of things to do to help and I just wasn't interested. Although I was keeping buisy I just found I lost all ambition to want to do anything.

Then ALL of a sudden I realized I was getting tired of being sad and thinking about what I could have should have and wished happened. This weekend I got together with a girlfriend for some drinks. We had a good time, later in the evening I ran into some old friends, and it was good. It was so good the next day in the to have something new to think about. So it has occurred to me that is what people mean by it gets better. Given the fact you get out and do things and try to move on gives your mind something to start thinking about . Its all about distraction. I have an amazing support system between and friends and family all I can say is I am so thankful. Yes at first I didn't want to talk to anyone I wanted to just be depressed and hurt, but now I am starting to see the light. Again, I have accepted I have to let go of the past 8 years and I have given up so much but I am going to be ok! My advice to people like me who feel devastated and don't think the hurt will go away by getting up and doing things is , JUST DO IT. My tears are not done falling, and the anger still lingers, I am very unsure of my future but in the mean time I have to live. So I am taking the opportunity to do things I have wanted to do and rediscovering myself. Be strong and live everyday like its my last. My heart ison its way of recovering! It does happen. I have faith now. Good luck to all you who are suffering, but it really does get better!

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your post hit home. My relationship 8 yrs also and I am hurting terribly. To be brief my fiancée moved her adult son and 2 yr old to our home, I paid most all of the bills and have a daughter from previous marriage. There is also another son 21 who quite frankly is a sociopath who lived with us. Two months ago this son and I had a fight, and I left. I had threatened to leave before but never did. Shes a good woman and I love her, the financial strain lead to a bad argument and then the altercation with her son. No contact for two months I missed her badly and called. She is very angry and thought that I abandoned her, I told her I loved her, and she began to sob and hung up. I just wanted to know if she still loves me, she wouldn't answer and said that it wasn't important. Set myself back with that, cant seem to move on when its obvious I must.

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airborne3502

It does indeed get better.

 

I enjoyed my first eight hours of sleep since the blindside breakup 21 days ago. Before bed, a close friend was helping me to deconstruct the perfect image I had of my ex, and remove her from the pedestal I had placed her on.

 

I woke up this morning craving waffles. I went to the store and they were on sale - three boxes for five dollars!

 

Shortly after, a project I was working on for work went my way.

 

Small victories.

 

I'm aware that I'm still going to backslide, and play a few more rounds of the "what if" game in my mind before I'm clear of this.

 

However, right now, at this moment, that ray of sunshine feels really good on my face.

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Confushious
It does indeed get better.

 

I enjoyed my first eight hours of sleep since the blindside breakup 21 days ago. Before bed, a close friend was helping me to deconstruct the perfect image I had of my ex, and remove her from the pedestal I had placed her on.

 

I woke up this morning craving waffles. I went to the store and they were on sale - three boxes for five dollars!

 

Shortly after, a project I was working on for work went my way.

 

Small victories.

 

I'm aware that I'm still going to backslide, and play a few more rounds of the "what if" game in my mind before I'm clear of this.

 

However, right now, at this moment, that ray of sunshine feels really good on my face.

 

 

Hello there!

Thank you for a response. I really enjoyed reading your comment. I love the Quote. Id like to chat with you some time on here. Seems we both have a positive out look n dealing with our broken hearts. I think I get better everyday, but it helps so much to be able to talk to people going threw the same thing. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

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Confushious

I am 3 months out of leaving a 9 year relationship. The reasons I left have everything to do with what I would call abuse, but not sure what kind of abuse to call it. I have been called Bitch, told to go "f" myself, been ignored after a disagreement, told I am selfish and it's all about me. Lastly accused me of cheating on him with a co-worker. Sometimes I thought my boyfriend was bipoler because of the Dr jekyl/hide personality.

 

One time I didn't go to a graduation party with him cause my own daughter was sick, he turned to look at me as he was leaving and said" I HOPE SHES SICK" and then left???? Really? This guy told me he loved me. Is this love? I DONT THINK SO! There were times I felt I couldn't talk about certain things because I was afraid of his response or action. Feeling like I was walking on eggshells. Many times I didn't want to go home because I would dread finding out what kind of mood he would be in! The looks,,,,,oh boy the looks he would give us. They are forever embedded in my brain. The anger, it was quite scary!

 

I have had the last few months to sit and really reflect on what I couldn't take anymore. The one thing that stuns me is I don't know what to call what I was being put threw. So many times I dealt with Jelousy and insecurities. He would tell me things like " Sometimes_____ I just say things to get you going or upset you" So now I ask myself, why would you deliberately say something mean or hurtful to try to hurt someone? What is this kind of behavior?

 

I've looked up narsassisem....I just don't know. it was like a mixed bag. If anyone have some insite on this please shed some light. Sometimes I thought maybe it was me, maybe I am to sensitive, I just don't know, now that I am working on me im not sure what I contributed to these behaviors. Im not perfect buthe certainly was not either. in closing I just want to make it clear, he never laid a hand on me or my daughter. Not once hit or abused us that way. Although sometimes I guess I wish he had cause the words hurt the most! Guess I just need some feed back to help me understand what I was dealing with.

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I agree it does get better, but after my ex of 7 years left me I was not as optimistic after three months - quite the opposite. It was at that point reality set in.

 

At 6 months it got better and was able to stop crying about it. Now at 7 months I seem to have slipped backwards after waking up at 3 Am from a nightmare about her.

 

I'm hoping the year mark is the end of it but I doubt it. Seeing the crap that is available at my age just reinforces that I will likely not find someone as good.

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Confushious
I agree it does get better, but after my ex of 7 years left me I was not as optimistic after three months - quite the opposite. It was at that point reality set in.

 

At 6 months it got better and was able to stop crying about it. Now at 7 months I seem to have slipped backwards after waking up at 3 Am from a nightmare about her.

 

I'm hoping the year mark is the end of it but I doubt it. Seeing the crap that is available at my age just reinforces that I will likely not find someone as good.

 

 

 

At your age? That is not a good way to look at things. Age is just a number. I just came from my house and saw my ex had written on the calendar for tomorrow 3 long months. I am assuming he means that ive been gone.....so sad. I think we both miss each other and there hasn't been any real contact in almost 2 months except regarding the house because we have to. it hurts it really does. I know in my heart I did the right thing by leaving and walking away. We shared a house together and its a lot to let go especially because he is still in the house but its up for sale....

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Sometimes I thought my boyfriend was bipolar because of the Dr Jekyll/Hyde personality.
Kat, perhaps he does have bipolar disorder. That is not what you're describing here, however. The behaviors you describe -- i.e., irrational jealousy, nasty verbal abuse, controlling actions, temper tantrums, impulsiveness, black-white thinking, always being "The Victim," and rapid flips between Jekyll (adoring you) and Hyde (devaluing you) -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I'm not suggesting that your exBF has full-blown BPD but, rather, that he may be a "BPDer," i.e., a person who exhibits moderate-to-strong and persistent BPD traits (which may or may not exceed the diagnostic threshold).

 

...because of the Dr Jekyll/Hyde personality.
The rapid flips between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing and insulting you) is a red flag for emotional instability. Of the ten personality disorders, BPD is the only one having "unstable" as a defining symptom. Indeed, most of the 9 BPD symptoms describe behavior that is unstable or arises from an inability to control emotions.

 

Accused me of cheating on him with a co-worker.... So many times I dealt with Jealousy and insecurities.
Another one of the 9 defining symptoms is "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment." BPDers have a great fear of abandonment that usually manifests itself as irrational jealousy, i.e., jealousy that arises from their distorted perceptions, not from reality.

 

The anger, it was quite scary!
Another defining symptom for BPD behavior is "Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger."

 

Feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
That is a common complaint of the abused partners living with BPDers. They feel like they're often walking on eggshells to avoid triggering another senseless argument. This is why the #1 best-selling BPD book is titled, Stop Walking on Eggshells.

 

I've looked up narcissism....I just don't know. it was like a mixed bag.
If your exBF really does exhibit strong symptoms of a PD like BPD or narcissism, his issues most likely are "a mixed bag" -- as you say. A recent large-scale study found that the vast majority of people having a full-blown PD also suffer from one or two other PDs as well, together with at least one clinical disorder such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, or PTSD.

 

Unfortunately he is the moody type , but after his surgeries he became very short tempered and very nasty and angry.
BPD is not something -- like chickenpox -- that a person either "has" or "doesn't have." Instead, it is a spectrum disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your exBF exhibits BPD traits. Of course he does. We all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether he exhibits those traits at a strong level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met him, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are easy to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as suicide attempts, verbal abuse, irrational jealousy, and rapid event-triggered mood flips.

 

A second important issue, if his traits are strong, is whether they also are persistent. Most BPD behaviors you see in other people are not persistent, i.e., they don't constitute the lifetime issue referred to as the full-blown disorder itself. Rather, they are only temporary flareups of the BPD traits that everyone has. These flareups usually are caused by a strong hormone change (e.g., puberty, perimenopause or pregnancy) or by drug abuse. They also can be caused by enormous stress or persistent, unrelenting pain -- as your exBF has suffered since he had the two back surgeries.

 

I therefore ask whether you saw many of these same abusive behaviors for many years prior to the first surgery? I ask because you say that he was "moody" before the surgeries but "very nasty and angry" following the surgeries.

 

If anyone have some insight on this please shed some light.
Learning to spot these BPD warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exBF's issues. Although strong BPD symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe as to constitute full-blown BPD. And as I noted above, even if he does exhibit strong symptoms, that does not imply he has the disorder itself. You may be seeing a temporary flareup of BPD traits caused by the continual pain he has suffered since having back surgery. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking him back and avoid running right into the arms of another man just like him.

 

I therefore suggest you to take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs to see if most sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells and raises questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Kat.

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