boyfriend told me i was violent towards him ?

[emilyanna]

Hi all

 

I'm feeling really confused and guilty and need some perspective on this. At the weekend me and my boyfriend were at a party. We were messing around and joking with each other. He was trying to pull me to sit over his lap and I resisted. I then Sat down on the chair and he came up behind me , wrapping his arm around my neck in a kind of headlock. It was all kind of play wrestling, but I wanted to get out as his friends were right in front of us and I felt embarrassed and trapped and could feel his arm pressing on my neck too much.

 

I maintain that I asked him to get off me but he says he didn't hear me. I then reached up and pulled his hair hard to get off me. I did pull hard admittedly. His friends were shocked but one girl said he was Intimidating me and he shouldn't have been doing it. He is way stronger than me and I genuinely didn't think it would hurt him. He told me a few days after that he was angry and wanted to leave the party as he wouldn't stand for violence. Ultimately I did it because he wouldn't get off me but I feel so guilty and don't know what to do.

Edited February 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to Abuse

[ZayKayWill]

I mean, was he choking you hard? If so, you probably felt you had no other choice than to pull his hair hard. Probably were trying to save your own life. This honestly doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Is he still mad at you? Just tell him you were sorry but that he was suffocating you or something. You sound fine to me.

[preraph]

You tell your boyfriend he can easily avoid getting hurt by not putting you in a headlock or any other kind of lock. Tell him you're not his little brother and are not as strong as him and not to do it again.

[Redhead14]

You should apologize for hurting him and then you tell him that you do not appreciate being put in a headlock and that he was too rough when he did it and you felt uncomfortable and would appreciate it if he didn't do that again.

 

In the future, if you are play "wrestling" and you are feeling uncomfortable, you clearly tell him to stop first. If he doesn't ease up, you are free to do what you need to do to get out from that. And, then dump him.

[truthtripper]

It would be best to dump him now. He doesn't respect your feelings and most importantly, is putting all the blame on you. Has he treated you this way in other contexts/situations?

 

Do not apologise. In doing so, he disempowers you. He should apologise to you for making you feel threatened, even if the headlock was just play.

 

This is a bright red flag you should not dismiss. A decent boyfriend would have stopped the headlock when you told him to and respected your feelings.

[caveman621]

How wild was this party? I'm guessing not a black tie affair!

 

Probably more of everyone getting a bit loose. So I think this is mostly an unfortunate accident. Things happen. He took it too far, probably not maliciously, then you felt trapped and reacted. I don't think you can be blamed.

 

And, if he's a lot stronger than you as you say, and his "boys" were watching, maybe he's a little embarrassed that you were able to get out of his hold with a hair pull. Yeah. Frat boy stereotype junk, but maybe true.

[stillafool]

You two must have looked adorable to the people at the party.

[basil67]

If there was no other way to get out of his headlock, you did the right thing. He should count himself lucky you didn't have to resort to a crotch kick or biting!