Terfo Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 The situation is pretty bad for my wife and I didn't know it would have this horrible grief/ guilt/ shame on myself considering we have been separated for 6 months after a 5 year marriage. She is an alcoholic and has been for some time. She was sexually assaulted by a former "friend" at a party, where she was awakened by the attack in progress. I am deeply saddened by this it doesn't feel real, the anxiety , anger, fear and rage and taking all my strength to not seek revenge on my own. The news hit me hard, I had a massive episode a big panic attack and I collapsed. I have been sickened by this, I want to vomit, I am nauseated but yet I am strong for her. I have surprised my family and her family by being there for her and keeping her feeling safe, I can't imagine doing anything else So I have taken time from work to be by her side 24hrs a day. We have not slept in the same bed until now, she's afraid to sleep alone. I love being her safety provider, I was for so long it seems. I still understand that we are not together but there are times where she is feeling better and things seem nice. I am afraid this will make it a lot harder for me when we physically part ways, through it all its the right thing to do, if anything she's still my friend. Is there something else I can do for her to get through this extremely difficult time, I just want to take the pain away for her. How else can I help her cope? For those wondering, the police have arrested the attacker and she has pressed charges, it was very difficult for her to decide to press charges due to fear. It all seems surreal. Thanks for reading, peace and love... Link to post Share on other sites
planning4later Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Do you have actual details of the assault? What actually took place? The best thing you can do is get the most detailed information possible before making any decisions or conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 She did the right thing and although I can preach sermons on No contact, I think ultimately you are doing the right thing as well. All you can really do is be there for her, as she will have a long road to recovery. Just keep in mind that you two are no longer together so when the time comes to part ways, you can actually do so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
planning4later Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Terfo, please don't take offense by me asking, but do you trust your wife? Does she tell the truth or does she shift around facts to get what she wants? Again, please do not take offense to this. I'm trying to give you objective feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
friendlyfriend Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Being supportive of her is very good, but her getting professional help is the most important thing; maybe both of you together around this issue and how to be a good support. You also may get counseling to manage the guilt, anger, etc. you feel. Often people just want to bury the incident and it comes back to haunt them ever after. Getting a better perspective on it from counseling or a support group will eventually release the emotional air out of it, and she will be able to learn and heal. Filing an police report was a good start. Otherwise, if it is just buried, it is like stuffing an inflated beach ball under the water...you have to spend emotional energy keeping it there, and that causes stress and anxiety and dysfunction, and then when you are not expecting it, up jumps the the devil of it. I know it is horrendous, but take care to deal with it totally, so that it doesn't tear her down, but can strengthen her by being an overcomer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Terfo Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 so, an update to this situation. The trial has been delayed but will continue shortly, she has asked me to appear in court with her because she is terrified and I will be there. I appreciate the comments here about being cautious, I have talked to the investigators about evidence and the facts so this was not a lie to screw with my head. She is not trying to fabricate some story to mess with me, I genuinely believe that she does not want to cause me any more grief. I do not live with her any longer (we sold our home) but I will support her recovery, I do this in a kind of non contact way as best I can. I try to keep my exchanges with her short but I reply/ answer calls when she reaches out, I know I cant do this forever for myself to move on. I'm being a friend, that's all, I have no desire to go back into a relationship with her but I want her to have a happy life. I do feel confident after the conviction that she will feel better and allow her to heal more. thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
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