fritziematt Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 My exgirl friend is seeing a guy who lives almost the whole way across the country. She says that last year was the worst year of her life because of him. He called her a few weeks ago to tell her that he wanted to break up and that he didn't know what he wanted. She got mad and sad and all of that...and then a few days later he told her he wanted her back. She told me that she was confused and I told her not to and convinced her (for a short while) that she shouldn't. She was planning to go to NJ to be with him for spring break but cancelled that to go to the Bahamas with a friend from class...then about a week ago she told me she wasn't going because she wanted to pay off her credit cards. Then yesterday I find out that she planned to go to NJ again and that he paid for it and all of that. Also he told her that he cheated on her with another woman...and it was the womans fault because she got drunk. As of right now she is still going to NJ. Now I think that this is abuse or the start of it. She dyed her hair blonde because he wanted that (but changed it back after he broke up with her the first time I mentioned...although this isn't the first time they broke up). She says that she stays with him because she feels she has to make the relationship work. Her friends have tried to talk her out of going but she won't change the tickets or anything. I'm just wondering if anyone else thinks that this is abuse...or anyone who has been in an abusive relationship if this is how things started. THe thing that really bothers me is that he was talking to her about getting married...which is why she got back together with him (and dumped me out of the blue...everything was going great with us until one day it was over). I don't really know what else I can do...I know she screwed me but I still care about her (although I will never get back together with her) and I consider her a friend. I just don't want to see her doing this to herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I don't really see how this is classified as abuse. Stupidity, foolishness, ignorance maybe on your ex-gf who you still want to be your future gf perhaps. Does this guy have a history of abusiveness? Do you even know the guy, spoken to him, met him, etc.? Or is your jealousy over getting dumped for him coloring your judgements? People have to make their own mistakes. We can try to warn them all we want, but in the end, just like everyone else, they are different. It won't happen to them. You can't force her not to go, you can't stop her. All you can do is stand back and hope you get to be the rebound guy if things don't work out for her. But you won't be the rebound guy if you keep trying to tell her how to run her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fritziematt Posted March 4, 2005 Author Share Posted March 4, 2005 Like I said before I'm not going to get back together with her...she seems to go back to this guy no matter what he does to her...like she is ignoring the past...I'm not giving her a chance to do it again and we are going to be parting ways at the end of April so I don't see how anything would work out if we wantedt o get back together. I told her once already that I have given her all the advice I can about this...she says that so has everyone else. I haven't said anything to her about any of this since that one time because I know it will not help...It is her other friends that have tried to stop her from going. I haven't met the guy but she has told me quite a bit about what he's doing to her. I wasn't sure if this was abuse or just that she is very insecure and immature still...thats why I was asking. The problem is that she doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes...she keeps getting back with this guy and he keeps screwing her over...that's kind of beyond just a stupid mistake. Anyway...a lot of my other friends have done the exact same thing...and that turned into abuse (emotional not physical)...thats why I'm worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fritziematt Posted March 4, 2005 Author Share Posted March 4, 2005 Well...I found this article...it seems to explain what I'm talking about a little better. http://www.romanceopedia.com/O-WomenBadBoys.html I think that this bad boy stuff is a type of abuse...not as bad as the really abusive stuff I've seen friends go through (emotional and physical, threats of murder, abuse of kids, ect)...but I think its borderline. Link to post Share on other sites
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