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Reconciliation after abuse?

Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

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Old 7th March 2005, 12:26 PM   #31
Former Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: In the Shadow of Devil's Mountain
Posts: 1,015
I believe it is possible to make the changes, but you may still have to live with the consquences of your actions.

I heard the same routine as everyone else. That whole cycle of an explosion (verbal, sexual, physical), then the I'm so sorry please forgive me, it won't happen again. I am tired, stressed...., then things would be ok again, only to have the same thing start all over again. It went on for ten years. Before that he was abusive to his first wife. She thought he changed and they got back together breifly. He hadn't. She left.

During the time that he was so heartbroken over me leaving, he moved another woman into the home he told the courts he had built for me and our children. He even allowed her to redecorate the whole house.

I hope that you have changed, that you can build a new life. Just realize....its unlikely that it will be with her. My personal opinion is that the things that cause and trigger abusive behavior are so well learned that they are difficult to overcome. Often those behaviors are formed by childhood experiences. That means its a lifetime learned response.
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Old 7th March 2005, 12:31 PM   #32
Former Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: In the Shadow of Devil's Mountain
Posts: 1,015
WordGuy on average a woman will leave seven times before she stays gone for good. The sad part of that is that usually the abuse gets worse each time. Often times women do not live beyond the seventh time. For me once I left I was G-O-N-E. (but I put up with it for a long time)

Originally posted by blind_otter

Yeah well I kept returning to my ******* ex and he kept being OK for a while and then something would happen to make him snap and he would start smacking me around again. Yeah. 2 strikes policies are for idiots.

Never again. I will NEVER allow myself to even RISK being hit by a man EVER again. You can bet money on it. The first time ANYONE ever raising their hand to me again will be the last time they see my face. And that's how women who respect themselves are.
Good for you!!

Originally posted by Kat

You are no better than anyone else sweetheart. You learnt the lesson, that is all. Don't make it mean that you somehow know all
Kat, I think you are overreacting. Learning the lesson is a huge part of the battle. Remembering the lesson is the next step. She may not "know it all" for your situation or anyone elses, but she does for hers, and WordGuy asked for personal experiences.
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