PTSD after 7 years of abuse

[Oneness]

I am NC with my exboyfriend, who ran the gamut of abuse on me and I suspect has Borderline Personality Disorder (he was never diagnosed, but after years trying to figure out what was going on, I found he ticks all boxes in the DSM- IV). I have an Order of Protection on him, and he lives far away now. But I have been left with PTSD, and can't get therapy at this time. I was also Trauma Bonded to my exboyfriend, it is like Stockholm Syndrome, and is something for those who wonder why it is hard to leave an abuser should consider. Does anyone here have PTSD and any advice on how to deal with it?

[amaysngrace]

I had it. I went to counseling for it and now it's gone.

 

When will you be able to afford to speak to someone because in my opinion you really can't afford not to.

 

Aren't there any women's shelters where you live? They may offer free or reduced counseling or know of a place that does.

 

You should probably stop looking up things online until you can get counseling...it's not in your best interest to be handling all of those triggers alone.

[Tayla]

Programs and resources are out there. Try United Way , they may have a referral for your concern. If you are a resident in the US, Your state should also be able to direct you to a local facility for further contacts. I chose to go to our local hospital for a list of local groups and one on one counseling at a reduce rate. Refrain from self diagnosis, or that of the other party.

 

You sound like you are ready to take on this task of healing, may you get the help you need. You deserve to know life does get better.

[Oneness]

I was in therapy, and I have contacted my local DV shelter. I was told to also do DBT....but did not have the time. I am a workng single parent. I guess I need to try and find therapy again, the last therapist I had was not very helpful, although she also ran a women's trauma survivor group I attendd for a while until my job intervened. I am on medicaid, and will continue to look to help...just wanted toknow if anyone had any tips on hamdling triggers...the triggers come and go...I still find myself hyper vigilant, and have nightmares and flashbacks, although not as frequently as before....

[loveboid]

I have PTSD.

 

It's really easy to fix. Two things: 1) exercise 2) learn. You need to learn better how to avoid the trauma that caused it. So in your case, improve how to avoid abusive people. Learn how to date safer. Learn all about abuse, mind games, learn to strengthen yourself, know your vulnerabilities, know about predatory people and tactics.

 

The exercising fix is based off of the physiological effects of fight or flight. Being frightened and motionless makes a memory that is very bad. But taking action tricks the mind into thinking that you're getting away or fighting. It can be anything. Self defense like kickboxing works and so does yoga. Eventually those bad memories of being helpless are replaced by good memories of being proactive.

 

The learning fix is based off of research by Albert Bandura, the greatest living psychologist and top five of all time. Gradually learn how to stand up for yourself, protect yourself, etc. and fears are replaced with confidence and curiosity. For example, a child who almost drowns in the pool who avoid pools is taught to swim and can now go play in the pool again. Example, a guy who survives a car accident where his friend dies learns about hydroplaning and defensive driving, and can now drive on the highway again.

 

Most people don't understand PTSD. A doc gave me benzodiazepine which turns out to be contraindicated for PTSD by the US Govt. It just made things worse.

 

Sleep. Avoid sedatives that interrupt deep sleep including alcohol and benzos. Lack of sleep and sedatives interrupt the brain's learning.

 

Triggers: Anything from the same time of day, anniversary day of trauma, same place, same kind of person, etc. The problem is they are hard to identify because the mind is so busy avoiding any thought of the trauma. But the fear stays. I spend a lot of time thinking and connecting similarities between my trauma and environment so that I can identify triggers. I remind myself that the feelings are memories of feelings. This is called dual reality awareness.

 

Stress. There is new research coming out that stress is good. People who think stress is bad are the ones who ruin their health with worry.

 

Last but most important: Fear is a gift. There is a good reason your body is hyper vigilant. Your body uses fear to save your life. If you find a book of the physiological steps of fight or flight it is amazing the speed at which the body acts and all it goes through to prepare and survive. It is really something to respect. So instead of trying to not feel afraid, learn survival techniques. Fear is good for you and if you listen to it and learn from it, it will make you smarter and more resilient.

Edited February 9, 2015 by loveboid

[janetl]

loveboid,

 

thank you for writing, it's so useful.

 

I don't have PTSD, and I have had very rare triggers. But what you have written is still useful and helpful to me. Especially "the feelings are memories of feelings." OMG, that is so true.

 

Even today, I sometimes break down for no reason and I have this immense pressure, burden from inside that used to be like from my bad days of marriage. I have not been able to characterize that very well, but I will remind myself of this now on: the feelings are memories of feelings.

 

Sometimes I feel like I will never be recovered fully; but being able to think about it from lots of different direction is a lot of progress.

 

Thank you.

[beach]

I saw a very good trauma counselor for nearly a year. She was awesome and helped me gain strength and courage in many ways.

 

Most of all to honor myself and how to get past my old thoughts and behaviors.

 

It was very freeing!