22lulu Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I have been married to my husband for 6 years. Last night we had an argument. He was trying to walk outside to feed the horses. I keep blocking his way to get outside trying to get him to talk to me. He picked me up under my arms forcefully and tossed me on the couch. I jumped back up to stop he shoved me into the coffee table. He could have went out the other door but keep going the way I was blocking. He was rough enough that I pulled a chest muscle and tweaked my back and have bruised under my arms. I may be over reacting but several months ago he choked me and smacked me across the face. He swore he would never lay a hand on me again. But now this really is worrying me or I am over reacting. Just needing opinion on if overacting or if I should be. Yes I know what I did was wrong with blocking him. I had asked him if he was having another affair. I caught him and the other girl the other day all snuggled up. So his response was to walk away after screaming he wasn't. So yes I blocked his way to get him to talk to me. While blocking him I didn't lay a hand on him. I just fill like I am five foot nothing he is over 6 foot tall almost 300 lbs. I just fill like he could have got around me another way. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Well that is not abuse but if you were vindictive you could get his arse in to trouble. I don't like his manner with being forceful, as it is on the edge. Your a wee woman... all he had to do is pick you up, kicking and screaming and take you outside or lay you on the bed and close the door behind him. As for confrontation he may be one to walk away, if so, let him walk out of your life. As you are not having a relationship that treats you fairly. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 What you describe is very scary. I would proceed with extreme caution. You already know he's violent & you think he's cheating. What's good about your marriage? In the future, for your own safety, don't physically antagonize him by blocking his path etc. Nobody ever deserves to be hurt but you don't to poke a stick at the caged animal either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I had asked him if he was having another affair. I caught him and the other girl the other day all snuggled up. So his response was to walk away after screaming he wasn't. Here is the core of the story. You CAUGHT him with another woman in a manner that was clearly inappropriate; "all snuggled up?" You didn't need to ask if he was having an affair because clearly, he is up to something that is disrespectful of you and your marriage vows. Now the entire rest of the response is also inappropriate but it sounds like you two are good at pushing each other's buttons. Sadly, blocking his way was not an effective way to communicate and the potential for abuse is beginning to show itself. If you can't talk calmly and openly with your husband, then there is some serious issues that perhaps a mediator can assist with. Would your husband consider going to counseling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Preventing some one from leaving is one of the things that falls under domestic violence. So while you may be trying to paint yourself as the victim here, you were equally responsible in escalating a situation that your husband was attempting to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Preventing some one from leaving is one of the things that falls under domestic violence. So while you may be trying to paint yourself as the victim here, you were equally responsible in escalating a situation that your husband was attempting to leave. I want to reiterate this point and expand upon it with something that happened to my BFF just last week. She is breaking up with her boyfriend and they have a 2-year old child together. In the course of a fight, she blocked the door to keep him from leaving with their child. As she explained it to me, she blocked the door for something along the lines of 90 seconds or two minutes to from having her child be abducted. Well, she managed to get the child away from him but when he got outside (and the fight had escalated with him biting her), *HE* called the police. Because he was the one who initiated the call to the authorities, my friend was arrested on felony entrapment for those 90 seconds she blocked his way. She was in jail for ten hours, had to pay $3,500 bail, and couldn't see her child for a week. There is now a restraining order between the two parents and my friend is left trying to find a new place to live for her and her daughter (which in San Francisco's rent explosion is insanely hard with two-bedrooms now costing in the $4,000/month range). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 If you feel he's having an affair, or if he is having an affair, and he gets physical at times, leave him. What's the point staying with someone you don't trust or who cheats? Blocking anyone who is upset is not a good idea, but I can see that you wanted answers from him. It doesn't look like you are going to get them. This relationship is not good and if your husband is cheating, I don't see how it can improve. He seems to have got to the point where he is ploughing on regardless of your feelings. Trying to stop him is only going to get you hurt. I'm not saying there is any excuse for his behaviour - there isn't - but you are not going to solve it by going head to head with him. I can't see a retrievable relationship where people are at loggerheads like this and so angry and uncaring as to walk past the other. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 You stayed with this man after he slapped and choked you, and now you're staying after you caught him with another woman. On top of that, you antagonized him when you already know that he's capable of being physically violent. Have you really thought these things through? He's abusive and he's a cheater, and there's WAY too much drama in this relationship. What more do you need to know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 22luluYou stayed with this man after he slapped and choked you, and now you're staying after you caught him with another woman. On top of that, you antagonized him when you already know that he's capable of being physically violent. Have you really thought these things through? He's abusive and he's a cheater, and there's WAY too much drama in this relationship. What more do you need to know? I have re-posted these wise words for emphasis. You need to get out of this situation NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Preventing some one from leaving is one of the things that falls under domestic violence. So while you may be trying to paint yourself as the victim here, you were equally responsible in escalating a situation that your husband was attempting to leave. Bingo. Sounds like you are both abusers. Do you not understand that blocking someone from peacefully leaving is considered abuse? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The OP hasn't been back. I hope she's OK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The OP hasn't been back. I hope she's OK. I heard Judge Judy once say that women who are truly afraid of their husbands don't block them from leaving the house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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