SunandMoon Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I've never told a soul about this, no, not even my parents. But when I was nine I was raped, I had no idea what was going on, or that it was even wrong because I knew nothing of sex. Worse still a friend was there and did nothing, he didn't know what was going on either, or so I believe. It has plagued me for years and years now, I've managed to bury it, but it comes barreling back at times like now, when I can't sleep and a bit emotional. And well I just, I had to get it out. I don't know if I should do anything about it and finally try and tackle the issue, namely I feel I need to tell my mother... I just don't want to burden her with it.... It would be such an awkward thing to try and tell someone in person. And frankly I'm just uncomfortable as hell even mentioning it. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 i am sorry it happened to you .....as I understand what you are going through i will say this.....talk to your mum about it....you need to to start the healing process i really do suggest that you visit a group that has other women that have been through what you have been through abuse and or rape.....i have done that and it helps.......it wont make you forget unfortunately we never do but it will help you see that it happens more than you think it does....i was younger than you when it happened to me hadnt started kindergarten yet and i was threatened not to talk by my attacker which i did anyway i told my mother who told my father who called the couple and they split so mine were never prosecuted either, my parents also didnt want publicity back then it would have been newsworthy....it is too late to take your abuser to court i think you would know that....but you can find peace knowing justice will be done maybe not in this life but god knows all....my faith has helped me find that peace as far as my belief that they wont not be held accountable for what happened to me....i dont know how spiritual you are i think you should talk to your mum she needs to know...might not want to know once she hears it but you need her to know it....you are a survivor and you deserve to be listened to and believed..talk to your mum..i send big hugs from me to you......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SunandMoon Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 Thank you for the words and sorry to hear you went through the same type of thing. I had made up my mind shortly after posting this. I am male by the way.. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 This is something very important. you should tell your mom. she needs to know. you should not feel ashamed. you were an innocent child. you should also confront this person if you know them. and let them know that what they have done was dispicable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Thank you for the words and sorry to hear you went through the same type of thing. I had made up my mind shortly after posting this. I am male by the way.. Sorry i mistook you for a female...i assumed....i still feel there should male groups as there are for women...i am not even sure that groups for abuse and sexual assault are gender specific.....it would be worth checking out still talk to your mum, male or female going through what you have gone through and still feeling you need to be heard....and to me the most important thing is to be believed......your mum will not feel burdened she wont like it, no mother does or ever will like the fact their child has or had been assaulted....my mother cried then she got angry......but actions happened from me saying something....my attackers had access to other children through an orphanage, me telling my mum stopped other kids from that orphanage from any further assaults, they did take off so no prosecution but i still feel me telling had something positive happened ..... so whatever action happens from you telling your mum is 100 per cent better than not saying anything and keeping that inside yourself unheard even if it is for comfort and understanding for yourself ...you deserve it....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SunandMoon Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 I don't really know the person, I saw him as a kid a few times and I barely recall what he looked like (aside from race and body type) and not even his name only he was a teen at the time, like 16-18 or so if I had had to guess, it'd be difficult to track him down. This thread is really just dredging things up for me. I usually can just ignore and forget what happened and go on without much care, but yeah... This is the most I've thought about it in years. :/ No biggie you got mixed up. Glad some good came of it, even if he wasn't persecuted. I am still trying to muster up the courage and right time to tell her. I'm notorious for terrible timing...she was busy the past few days. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 For me, beng an adult , having a child of my own and then looking back on what happened to me when I was just kid, and like you, it was just one time....the experience itself and not being able to deal with it at all...played a part in my life, how I felt about myself and others and...well, it changed me and not in a good way. It still hurts but I think if I had dealt with it , with someone, earlier in my life...I could Have avoided some unhealthy parts of my life. For years, I didn't realize that that's what my real issues stemmed from. It's obvious now. Tell your mom if you think it will help you...but let nothing stop you from seeing a professional therapist. I hate therapy but that was way, way too big to not go. I think because you are young, it's important to work ion this now...I didn't know how much it hurt me until I looked back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SunandMoon Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) So I did it, I told her. She was of course shocked and even more so becuase the place we were at at the time was thought to be safe. Then it turned to a defensive thing and that I should have told her so she could have done something, call the cops. I told her I was nine, I just didn't what was happening, that it was wrong. She then got mad and she said had she known what he had done that she would have, well, done something I won't recount. That was one of the hardest things ever to say. I did my best not to just burst out in tears but I could feel I was a bit despite me trying to just man-up about it. *Sigh* At least that is over. Ugh. The one good thing is that she now knows I'm not gay. She seemed to like to drop subtle hints at it. So yeah... We didn't speak of therapy. We just cannot afford it, literally no way. Especially since I have hospital bills stacked against me from earlier this month. Another thing is when I was at the hospital they checked my blood and urine I was apparently all clear. So I don't have to worry about if I had contacted a disease. (Actually the first time I have been tested, or to my knowledge.) I will just deal with it like I have been. Thank you all. A weight has been lifted, sure it will be there all my life, but it lightened the load at least. She's acting as though nothing was said so that helps to leave it be, I guess. Edited November 17, 2012 by SunandMoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author SunandMoon Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 My mother brought it up again caught me completely off guard and it pissed me off so bad. But she thinks she can find the guy, she's under the impression that he may have done that to others. But I don't really like to talk about it. I knew this crap was just going to end up stressing me out more, like I need that. But it is possible he could have done this to others, I have no clue, guess I should just try and help her with it since it is possible other people are involved, but I feel I may go crazy as a result with it spinning around my head non-stop these past few days... Link to post Share on other sites
Mer-Maid Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I can't imagine how difficult this situation has been for you! I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible experience and that you're now having to continue dealing with it! I just wanted to mention that the severity of your pain right now is part of the healing process. It's agony right now, but it will get better! When a person is emotionally traumatized, that trauma is like a bitter, poisonous fog or tar that sticks to everything else in there, and unfortunately, it has to be purged before your mind and emotions can heal. Now that it's out you can feel that relief [that must have been a horrible conversation for you], but now you have to deal with your own struggles along with the guilt your mom is feeling. When a good parent finds out that their child suffered, even when they didn't know and couldn't prevent it, they feel a maddening drive to fix it - that's what she's experiencing now and I'm sorry that the subject being brought up repeatedly is making things more difficult for you! Link to post Share on other sites
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