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boyfriend problems


abitlost1

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hi everyone.

well im 19 and ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. i got with him when i was 17 so i was young and unexperienced (he was my first bf)............

thinking back, he never really made me happy but i stuck to him because i was flattered with the attention and compliments (im pretty but i always gets overlooked because im quiet)

i found out 6months in that he was cheating on me the whole time........i didnt think this bothered me at the time....and because i was so naive i believed him when he justified that he "needed sex" which i wasnt giving to him......

 

so after this i lost my virginity with him and e-v-e-nt-u-a-l-l-y he stopped cheating on me (i know i sound so stupid right now)

 

thing is....he kindof persuaded me to change my uni and course to the same on as his....so last yr we spent the whole yr together in uni aswell....away from home.....

 

he doesnt like me seeing my frends much, and i sure as hell have NO boy mates.....we've gotten into physical fights aswelll.......which i started coz sometimes i cudnt handle my temper when he'd start making me jealous and upset ......

 

now we're bak home because of summer and this whole summer im the one that has been calling him and going to see him, he lives about an hour away so its quite difficult for me coz my mum is really strict and im nt really allowed to go out and sure as hell not allowed a b.f....

 

i feel like he doesnt treat me right but im nt sure.

 

my frends say to leave him

 

he doesnt take me out, doesnt ever call me, cant be bothered to come see me etc...

but he always tells me he loves me........

 

the thing is i feel really bullied by him...

 

wat do u all think?

 

xx

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I think your friends are right and that you should leave him.

 

You should also have a good long look at yourself. Taking your habit of physical violence into the next relationship is a recipe for lifelong disaster.

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thanks for a reply...i was a bit nervous about reading it lol...

 

well the thing is im nt usually violent.......he just makes me feel so helpless i cant help but lash out......

 

even today he only came to see me because he wanted to borrow my laptop and started swearing at me when i said ill give it next time :'(

 

its not fair.

 

the thing is no matter how badly he treats me i always go back...i feel really lonely.... i dnt have many friends and the ones i do dont wana hear about it...........so hes the only one i can chat to....

 

i dont know y ive always been treated rubbish by guys ive taken the time to get to know.....the nice ones never fancy me either.

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That's the typical profile of an abusive, controlling boyfriend.

 

They isolate you from a lot of outside contact, make you feel worthless so that you have no one to be around except them. Then they've got you trapped.

 

You need to stop worrying about being lonely, you'll find new friends easily. Just break up with him and get away now before it's too late and you do some serious harm to each other.

 

You're not happy now and you never will be as long as you're with this guy. Do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? By staying with him you're validating his behaviour and in his mind he thinks that if you keep coming back and putting up with it, then it must be ok!

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yeah he has definitely got me feeling like rubbish....

 

i will try to break up with him. i know its the right thing....but the problem is that we are in the same uni and same course therefore same lessons..........and uni starts in about 3weeks. how can i get over him if im seeing him everyday?

it wud kill me if i saw him talking to those other pretty girls.......do u no wat i mean??

 

xx

thanks for ur reply i really appreciate it

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  • 1 month later...
hi everyone.

well im 19 and ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. i got with him when i was 17 so i was young and unexperienced (he was my first bf)............

thinking back, he never really made me happy but i stuck to him because i was flattered with the attention and compliments (im pretty but i always gets overlooked because im quiet)

i found out 6months in that he was cheating on me the whole time........i didnt think this bothered me at the time....and because i was so naive i believed him when he justified that he "needed sex" which i wasnt giving to him......

 

so after this i lost my virginity with him and e-v-e-nt-u-a-l-l-y he stopped cheating on me (i know i sound so stupid right now)

 

thing is....he kindof persuaded me to change my uni and course to the same on as his....so last yr we spent the whole yr together in uni aswell....away from home.....

 

he doesnt like me seeing my frends much, and i sure as hell have NO boy mates.....we've gotten into physical fights aswelll.......which i started coz sometimes i cudnt handle my temper when he'd start making me jealous and upset ......

 

now we're bak home because of summer and this whole summer im the one that has been calling him and going to see him, he lives about an hour away so its quite difficult for me coz my mum is really strict and im nt really allowed to go out and sure as hell not allowed a b.f....

 

i feel like he doesnt treat me right but im nt sure.

 

my frends say to leave him

 

he doesnt take me out, doesnt ever call me, cant be bothered to come see me etc...

but he always tells me he loves me........

 

the thing is i feel really bullied by him...

 

wat do u all think?

 

xx

 

You are bullied by him. He cheats on you, you find out and yet you lose your virginity to him. There comes one point where you say to yourself: "It's not worth it".

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'll make this blunt.

 

Everyone has relationship problems, but yeah, that's not the point. Get out the relationship, move on, get a new boyfriend, do what it takes.

 

You could do so much better.

 

Much luck.

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That's the typical profile of an abusive, controlling boyfriend.

 

They isolate you from a lot of outside contact, make you feel worthless so that you have no one to be around except them. Then they've got you trapped.

 

You need to stop worrying about being lonely, you'll find new friends easily. Just break up with him and get away now before it's too late and you do some serious harm to each other.

 

You're not happy now and you never will be as long as you're with this guy. Do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? By staying with him you're validating his behaviour and in his mind he thinks that if you keep coming back and putting up with it, then it must be ok!

 

Abitlost you just read that again. Out loud if you must.

 

Its spot on and 100% accurate. This bf is almost textbook emotional abuser. In time, you will only be able to define yourself in terms of him -

he already has you in his classes at uni.

 

It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. Their is no saving him here, just save yourself.

 

Run, don't walk.

 

And, don't hit. Physical violence never solves anything.

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