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Old 26th March 2017, 5:26 PM   #1
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Enabling members that continue to post about the same problem/relationship/person

Hopefully I am not out of line here, but I wanted to think aloud:

Sometimes I wonder if there is a point where we become enablers to some members who continue to post about the same problem/relationship/person without any signs that they care to actually take advice or action from the people who do contribute.

I understand that the response to that would be, "Don't contribute if you have nothing constructive to add." But is there a tipping point where it becomes overwhelmingly clear that an OP is not interested in actually following any of the advice they continue to solicit for the same situation?

Again, I mean no disrespect to the moderators here, but after a while, I think some of the onus has to be on an OP if their threads continue to be heavily moderated or shut down.

edit: just for context, this was a post in a different thread in the "second chances" forum in response to a member who has continued to do the above.

Last edited by Blanco; 26th March 2017 at 5:41 PM..
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Old 26th March 2017, 5:45 PM   #2
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I'd ignore if I were you. I agree though, redundancy can be irritating. It's even worse when someone post all over the different sections of the forum about the same person... it's part of being a member of an online community, so those who do ignore advices and keep posting even if nudged by us members or the staff eventually end up being ignored. It's not trolling per se but being a tad obtuse.
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Old 26th March 2017, 5:52 PM   #3
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I think it's a pretty big mixed bag. Since this is an open forum, everyone is free to contribute whatever words they want, within the confines of the board's rules. I'm not speaking for moderators, but I've read them say, many times, that the forum is being run the way it was dictated to run, and that won't change. It's pretty cut and dry when you consider that statement, at least IMO.

With that said, there are times when I certainly would agree with you, but again, the rules are what they are, so that's how it will go.

Some could be enabling, but maybe the OPs are venting. Maybe, even despite not taking repeated advice, it still helps to express thoughts, almost like a form of mini-therapy.

I'm pretty sure they stop certain threads which are deemed as troll ones, though.
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Old 26th March 2017, 5:55 PM   #4 Moderator Moderator
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If a topic is similar to others begun by a member, report them for consolidation.

If suspecting a troll, report the topic for moderation to research.

If not interested in responding or having nothing constructive to contribute, move on.

The forum exists for everyone who chooses to bring topics for discussion and post within our guidelines.

As Paul clearly states this is his home and everyone is a guest and all guests have equal access and one group of guests doesn't get to decide who stays and who goes. Moderation is the enforcer of his rules, as he puts it, for the less vocal majority. We're here to make sure the vocal minority doesn't dominate or shout them down, among other things.

Since I know where this post came from, I'll leave it to Robert, moderator ~6 specifically, to add any specific comments he'd like to. I noted the report on this thread was added to the topic running on the member so trust that Robert will be along presently.

Lastly, no member is ever required to read or follow any content offered here on If they want to, they do. If they don't, they don't. Topics are posted, members offer content voluntarily, and discussions proceed or end. That's how the owner set it up and that's how we run it.

Last edited by William; 26th March 2017 at 6:01 PM.. Reason: Checked background
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Old 26th March 2017, 6:02 PM   #5
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I mean, I understand that the easiest solution is to just not respond. And as tough as that actually is for the case in question, I believe that is the approach I will take.

What triggered my post was the realization that the subject in question has been going on for about a year. In that time, five of the threads related to the subject have been locked.

I realize this is sometimes due to the types of responses a thread is generating. But as someone who has followed the saga from the outset and is familiar with the person dating back to about a month after I joined this forum, here's my observation: Most of the heated comments come from people who started out with great intentions, but have become disenchanted with the thread starter's continued discarding of any advice in pursuit of continuing his self-destructive behavior.
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Old 26th March 2017, 6:41 PM   #6 Moderator Moderator
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Speaking for myself, I can understand the frustration of spending time trying to help someone and having them ignore or dismiss the advice. The best thing to do if you can't respond without being disrespectful is to fight the temptation and move on without posting.

If a member is starting threads that get locked and are a continuous problem for moderation, rest assured there is a discussion behind the scenes about that particular member.

In most (if not all) cases the member is banned. We have no incentive to keep problematic members around as we are all unpaid volunteers and they only cause us more work.

In some cases moderation has agreed that the problem is not the threadstarter but instead it is the frustrated members that are responding to the threads that are the problem.

In short, if you feel that you are enabling someone by responding to their thread and giving them attention, you can stop responding to them. If you think someone is trolling or otherwise violating the community guidelines, please use the Alert Us button and report them.

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