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Why Are People So Abusive? [update]


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Old 3rd September 2016, 5:52 AM   #106
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Adoraxx - the fact that the post was moved to this thread - and the thread title - says what I don't need to.

If you read all the words - not just the bits that jump out and help you - you may just recognise this.

Best wishes,
RF
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Old 3rd September 2016, 8:20 AM   #107
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockflower View Post
Adoraxx - the fact that the post was moved to this thread - and the thread title - says what I don't need to.

If you read all the words - not just the bits that jump out and help you - you may just recognise this.

Best wishes,
RF
It was actually moved because of this

"[ Moderator note: The following 8 posts were moved from another thread as they were off-topic in that thread but have relevance here. Thank you. ~6 ]"

Best wishes to you too
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Old 3rd September 2016, 9:25 AM   #108
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To hopefully put this to rest, here is what is listed in the Community Guidelines.

Quote:
Civility and respect

We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.
Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.
We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").
Submissions containing threats to leave the community or other forms of "emotional extortion" intended to incite a reaction from fellow participants are viewed as inconsiderate and disrespectful to the community as a whole and will result in immediate loss of access to the site.
Difference of opinion is a regular occurrence here on Loveshack based on each posters unique experience. Sharing those experiences are encouraged and are the foundation of what most people come here for.

All viewpoints are welcome as long as they are offered respectfully and within our other Community Guidelines.

As Original William has already stated that this forum is not for talking about specific members or posts, but for discussing the policies and operation of Loveshack, we will consider this part of the conversation closed and steer things back to a more general discussion.

Issues with specific members or posts that need to be discussed with moderation should be done privately, preferably through the Alert function. ~T
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Old 29th October 2017, 10:31 AM   #109
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Dealing w/judgemental people on this site

Are some of you discouraged from posting on not only this site but other similar sites for fear of dealing with overly harsh, judgmental people...many of whom don't even bother to read your entire post?

I've been posting on these sites off and on for maybe five or six years. I come here because I don't have anyone else I can have candid conversations with and I need genuine advice. Instead, a lot of what I get are comments from strangers who tell me how stupid, naive or irresponsible I am for X,Y, or Z.

I'm not against constructive criticism when I come on here (again, seeking help), but I am against nasty, below-the-belt comments from people whom I suspect are just as flawed and imperfect as I.

To make matters worse, some of these people don't even bother to read my entire post before commenting and keep holding things over my head that I never stated because because they either misunderstood something I wrote or took things out of context....no matter how many times I try to clarify.

So, I'll repeat my original question:

Are some of you discouraged from posting on not only this site but other similar sites for fear of dealing with overly harsh, judgmental people...many of whom don't even bother to read your entire post?
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Old 29th October 2017, 10:45 AM   #110
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Since our policy is to discuss specific member's postings suspected of being outside of our guidelines privately, threads discussing them publicly are closed or deleted and their authors subject to sanction. Threads about the general tone of LoveShack go in our Questions and Comments forum.

Suffice to say that I sanction, moderate and ban members every week for content as mentioned in your posting, as do other moderators. With thousands of active members and being an open forum on the wild west of the internet, no doubt non-conforming postings will occur. Report them.

I'll merge this thread with a similar topic in our Questions and Comments forum since it's the place to discuss the workings of LoveShack.org. I suggest, if you haven't already, you read that long thread and observe how moderation responds to member input.

Thanks for sharing your perspective and we'll look forward to reading your reports!
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Old 29th October 2017, 4:16 PM   #111
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Well, you gotta consider you are asking help from people who initially came here looking for help too.
Some of them ARE bitter, that is spot on. This is especially true if your situation relates to theirs in someway (ie. the OW/OM type of threads and they've been cheated on.)
You will find that some have no patience for you while others will have endless and stick to your thread until you update with a resolution.
Give your attention to those who have that patience and are trying to help and forgive those who suffer human conditions.
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Old 29th October 2017, 4:55 PM   #112
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I'm not too concerned with people being rude to me because that's just how people are. Not everybody is in a great mood all the time and if someone is short or snippy then that says more about them than me.

I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences though. If you're being bullied or group berated you should definitely bring it to moderation's attention. That kind of thing doesn't fly too well around here.

Take care.
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:59 PM   #113
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Moderation respects that individuals have widely varying interpretations of what appropriate, inappropriate and abusive behavior are, and they are certainly free to interpret words and actions any way they choose. Our task is to implement the interpretations of the site owner, in this case Paul, based on what he's published and shared with us privately over the years. Another web forum owned by someone else is free to establish and interpret their rules any way they choose. Hence why I always suggest if a member thinks we're too restrictive here, please don't subject yourself to that. The internet is large and there's room for every perspective and interpretation.

Myself, I'd love for Paul to stop by one day and either tell us we're doing great or chastise us for poor performance and give us guidelines to change or simply fire us. I guess that's just not in the cards. He can change or delete us and our work with a few button pushes. That he chooses not to is his prerogative.

Also, with five moderators regularly working, active discussion and sometimes disagreement over abusive posting occurs as moderators themselves have different interpretations. All are equal. No one here has any more power than the others. The person with the power is the site owner. I noticed, in the past, when he'd show up and issue an edict or comment on a topic like this, few to none publicly question him. I wonder why that is?
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Old 31st January 2018, 12:15 AM   #114
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kicking people while they are down /dog piling

I notice a thread that I was apart of a thread that had been moved and closed. Honestly I am kind of glad. I noticed that especially when sensitive topics of people dealing with family and parents some people have a habit of not being so kind when answering. Now I know that not many here have experience in mental health and therapy ,but I would think that this climate we are in with mental health issues being at an all time high along with the hot topic of people choosing suicide as a way to deal with issues that are going on in their lives that the members here should be thoughtful in their answers.

I notice that after the person in the thread I am speaking of logged out after twenty minutes according to admin and honestly I cant say I can blame the person. The harshness and little forethought in the answers recieved is exactly why I stopped logging in for so long. In fact I hestitate to post anything here for fear that I will receive the same treatment as the other person and the same treatment i got so many years ago.

I was already hurting and well people were very unkind...had I not been as strong as I am who knows how the nastiness here might have affected me. I am just saying you never know the mindset of the person posting....it cost NOTHING to be kind.jus t be mindful.....

Last edited by siren8272; 31st January 2018 at 12:24 AM..
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Old 31st January 2018, 12:30 AM   #115
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Easy enough to report posts to moderation which are supsected of violating our guidelines. Moderation is happy to sanction members, remove or edit content and post statements or directives.

The only reason that thread came to my attention was due to a report and my policy of tracking one post new members for trolling (moderation can use that word publicly here, members cannot) and following a procedure I use with such postings to more closely track those members because, unfortunately, LoveShack.org is a magnet for disruptive and mentally ill individuals due to the emotional content of relationship issues. Same with the 'piling on' stuff.

Read more here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/gene...abusive-update

As the oldest moderator here, members who've had interactions with me know I've no fear nor hestation about removing them permanently if they don't follow guidelines and we've removed plenty over the last few years. Unfortunately, in the internet world, no one goes to jail never to be seen again, rather they recycle back into the same dynamic as they were removed from, hence we're in a perpetual cycle until we get them to leave permanently. Member help is always appreciated. If content seems disruptive or abusive, let us know. We have a lot of tools at our disposal to keep the site friendly and welcoming and we appreciate member help in that regard. Thanks for your comments!
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Old 31st January 2018, 5:23 AM   #116
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Thank you William ...I want to put out I am in no way bashing this site..I wouldnt be here still if I felt it wasnt a good site. You made a good point this site can attract mentally ill people who pile on or make post just to get a reaction. Im glad the mods are on rude ,bashing responses....
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Old 6th February 2018, 8:49 AM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by William View Post
Easy enough to report posts to moderation which are supsected of violating our guidelines. Moderation is happy to sanction members, remove or edit content and post statements or directives.

The only reason that thread came to my attention was due to a report and my policy of tracking one post new members for trolling (moderation can use that word publicly here, members cannot) and following a procedure I use with such postings to more closely track those members because, unfortunately, LoveShack.org is a magnet for disruptive and mentally ill individuals due to the emotional content of relationship issues. Same with the 'piling on' stuff.

Read more here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/gene...abusive-update

As the oldest moderator here, members who've had interactions with me know I've no fear nor hestation about removing them permanently if they don't follow guidelines and we've removed plenty over the last few years. Unfortunately, in the internet world, no one goes to jail never to be seen again, rather they recycle back into the same dynamic as they were removed from, hence we're in a perpetual cycle until we get them to leave permanently. Member help is always appreciated. If content seems disruptive or abusive, let us know. We have a lot of tools at our disposal to keep the site friendly and welcoming and we appreciate member help in that regard. Thanks for your comments!
william sucks at moderation
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:24 PM   #118
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I undeleted the post above mine (I think Robert deleted it when banning the member) because I wanted to show a typical example and that's one of our banned members with a thousand usernames. They do that pretty much every day here. Usually it's moderation they go after but sometimes it's members too. It's been going on for well over a decade. Part of life on LoveShack.org.

Keep those reports coming and we'll do our best to catch stuff before it gets out of hand.
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Old 14th May 2018, 9:41 PM   #119
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Bumping this up for further comments since Paul is visiting daily right now. Hopefully member feedback can assist him in clarifying policies to moderation and foster a fair, yet friendly, environment.
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