LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > General > LoveShack.org Questions and Comments

Need a WS forum


LoveShack.org Questions and Comments The place to post any questions or comments you may have regarding LoveShack.org or the LoveShack.org Community Forums. Please Contact Us privately with any inquiries related to your personal account.

Like Tree38Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st August 2013, 1:49 PM   #1
Established Member
 
compulsivedancer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,030
Red face Need a WS forum

I wish there was a WS forum of LS. You guys have been super-helpful to talk to, but sometimes I need the help and support of other former WSs, and there aren't a lot of them on here. The OW forum isn't what I need and you guys here on Infidelity are wonderful, but I often take a beating talking to the BSs on here. Sometimes that's totally appropriate, but sometimes I just need to hear about what other WSs have gone through, what I can expect, ideas on how to approach H (from the WS perspective), etc.
compulsivedancer is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 1:53 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 772
I think this is a good idea. WSs often have many issues they need to work through and most common is confusion and guilt. It does hinder the ability to work through these issues when you're getting hammered by both sides from the OW and BS.
HopingAgain is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 2:38 PM   #3
Established Member
 
seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Highland Scotland
Posts: 1,882
CD, for me as the BS, the thing my H did that helped was total honesty, no trickle truth, showing true remorse, a willingness to listen while I talked, to hold me when I cried and for me to feel I could speak about triggers when I needed to. He answered all my questions, even those that were probing, understood my anger, in turn I needed to understand that there had to be a cut off point when the questions stopped and we concentrated on us.

I agree a WS board would be useful, I also think a BS board would be useful too. I didn't allow anyone to bash my H, our marriage, our reconciliation, our situation. I get that there are a lot of hurt, angry people on LS, but personal bashing is more like projection IMHO and it happens from both sides. SI has a waywards forum which has stop signs if BS or AP's aren't welcome to post. Maybe general questions would put a hold on bashing, a lot of people seem to post simply to bash or post snidey comments that doesn't help anyone. Same old, same people, same record over and over and it isn't helpful. If there were safe threads then maybe more WS would post.
__________________
I have a MM, he is my husband, my best friend, soulmate, lover and keeper of my heart. I reciprocate.
seren is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 3:04 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 227
I was going to also recommend SI. This is not really the place for a WS unless one is really in a state of true remorse. Then it can be very helpful but I still think talking with other WS and fWS might be better especially if you are in a state of confusion.
__________________
Formerly Wayward 99
Act Two is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 3:12 PM   #5
Established Member
 
compulsivedancer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,030
I guess I think of the Infidelity forum as a primarily BS forum. Maybe it ought to be split into two? Allow BSs and WSs to post on each others' threads, but separate them so that it's more oriented toward the specific groups? I wonder if we'd miss out on a lot of mixing and good advise/help if we did that.
compulsivedancer is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 5:32 PM   #6
Established Member
 
compulsivedancer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,030
Quote:
Originally Posted by strongernow65 View Post
Dumb question- but aren't WS and OW/OM the same thing? What about the OW/OM forum is not to your liking? I have often thought that we need a BS forum as this page is general for "anyone in infidelity" and if you post on the OW/OM forum they tell you to go to your "own"
I have not been on SI, but perhaps that have it broken down differently?
Stronger, sometimes WS and OM/OW are the same thing, if the WS is with a MM or MW. But WS is the person who cheated and the OM/OW is the person dating the cheater.

When I visit the OM/OW page, it is a different world! Most of them are currently in affairs or are OWs dealing with a MM after DDay. Generally speaking, they have nothing to offer for someone in R, and many are actively hostile toward a BS.

The Infidelity forum is geared toward those post-DDay and is primarily BSs, but there are WSs that post regularly. It is a wonderful resource as a fWS in understanding my BS and working on giving him what he needs. However, it is not a particularly supportive space for someone who has cheated, because a lot of BSs are going through very difficult R or D and are understandably angry at the choices we WSs have made to get us into these messes. There are a lot of wonderful supportive people, but sometimes there is another type of support that I need, and questions that I need answered specifically by WSs.
compulsivedancer is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 8:08 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 227
I was a WS but not a OW. I don't identify much with that forum except to see things from the perspective of what I put exOM through. This forum is helpful to see the side of the BS, but I agree that the voice of the WS or fWS is missing here.
Act Two is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 8:22 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Bittersweetie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 878
For a long time I didn't post often because, as a WS, I felt that I didn't have much to offer BS. Now, I do respond to threads and questions if I feel that I have something to contribute. However I won't post in a "new" BS thread because I understand that they may not be ready to hear from a fWS. But if someone asks a specific question to WS I do try to respond.

I spent a lot of time on the WS forum on the other site mentioned for a while but to be honest I learned more and gained more perspective from this site. Having separate forums for everyone on the other site meant I usually didn't visit all the forums, thus didn't hear those stories and perspectives. Here I read things from all sides and it's given me a much better understanding of everyone in the triangle.

Yes, some posters get bashed sometimes but that is the nature of a large, anonymous forum. I remember when I first started posting someone bashed me about something, and at first I was super pissed, but then I realized they had a point! I think sometimes the posts that piss us off the most are the ones hitting a nerve that may need to examined more closely.

So, in conclusion, I think things are good the way they are here; I think it's a good, helpful way to understanding all sides of infidelity.
__________________
~ What you allow, is what will continue. ~
Bittersweetie is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 8:31 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 795
Quote:
Originally Posted by compulsivedancer View Post
I wish there was a WS forum of LS. You guys have been super-helpful to talk to, but sometimes I need the help and support of other former WSs, and there aren't a lot of them on here. The OW forum isn't what I need and you guys here on Infidelity are wonderful, but I often take a beating talking to the BSs on here. Sometimes that's totally appropriate, but sometimes I just need to hear about what other WSs have gone through, what I can expect, ideas on how to approach H (from the WS perspective), etc.

Agreed. Though I can value most (if not all) input that has been given, it's hard to fit into either forum/sub-forum. WS's are caught right in the middle of both OW/OM's and BS's. We'll receive helpful advice and insight from both sides, but we also deal with our fair share of scathing remarks. Yes, sometimes those remarks ring with truth, but it doesn't make them any less difficult to take. We're human too, we feel. If I didn't feel, I'd be better off, given where emotions have gotten me.

I hope they create a WS sub-forum. Or at least make an official support thread.

After all, no matter what part of the spectrum you come from...it's hard, all around.
__________________
"You should show me some respect; I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in." -Castiel-
Rebel-Dynasty is offline  
Old 1st August 2013, 8:53 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,627
If you are not religious I hope this doesn't offend, but I have been remembering something I heard when I was younger:

Reputation is what others think of you; character is what God knows about you.

That has helped me tremendously because when push comes to shove, I know the three "knowings" that count the most with regard to who and where I am are God, my husband, and me. That helps when when I read things like "ALL waywards ALWAYS (insert horrible thing)" and "NO waywards EVER (insert decent thing."

My husband and I are moving forward transparently, and he amazes me. But I am learning about MYSELF and truly changing from the inside out instead of some trained monkey tricks this time around....and THAT.....

THAT is just about the best news ever.
janedoe67 is offline  
Old 2nd August 2013, 12:09 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 292
I too have thought it would be nice. Perhaps I shoul check the other forum. I often write out big long replies only not to post because I am not sure I am ready to handle the replies.

I don't mind blunt replies. But there are a couple people (one inparticular) that I find seem to pick at us FWS rather than offer insight or help. I know I could hit ignore but I have never in my life blocked or ignores anyone. I just think I should learn to take it as a grain of salt. If they want to twist my words or jump all over me that is their perrogative and I just work on moving past it.
Coolit is offline  
Old 2nd August 2013, 12:14 AM   #12
LoveShack.org Moderator
LoveShack.org Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 4,644
As very little about LoveShack's structure and function has changed over the last decade, it's extremely doubtful that anything will happen, like creating new forums, in the foreseeable future. We've entertained such suggestions many times in the past and the result was the same, even back when the site owner was participating regularly. No change. Thanks for the suggestion.
William is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
This forum is the greatest forum for break ups, THANKYOU cottom Breaks and Breaking Up 2 8th June 2013 7:27 AM
New posters on the OW/OM forum and the Infidelity forum jennie-jennie The Other Man / Woman 373 24th May 2010 12:03 AM
Comparing this forum w/all male forum leaves me??? ioncebelieved Coping 10 3rd June 2008 7:20 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:26 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.