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People who flaunt an abusive mindset here..


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Old 22nd October 2012, 10:00 AM   #1
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People who flaunt an abusive mindset here..

It's getting rather creepy. I'm talking about a very small minority who seem to leap on every opportunity they can find to encourage a "women should be hit" mentality and who would appear celebrate the notion of child abuse as something that makes women "easier lays" in later life.

I've no doubt there are plenty of places on the internet where they can have at it with these Reddit subforum views. Does LS really have to be another one? It's one thing to have people expressing controversial views, but really...the little group present themselves as irredeemably vile characters with no particular aim other than to bait and to rub a bit of salt into the wounds of people who have contended with abuse in their lives. I'm struggling to understand what their presence adds to the board. It certainly subtracts a fair bit from it.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 10:04 AM   #2
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I agree one hundred percent, I reported people for posts like that in the past. I believe inciting violence is a criminal offence anyway?
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Old 22nd October 2012, 10:27 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taramere View Post
I'm struggling to understand what their presence adds to the board. It certainly subtracts a fair bit from it.
This is just my opinion.. so feel free to ignore it

One of the not so well known things about me.. trivial fact.. is that I was an abused spouse in a previous life.. meaning my first marriage I was hit, punched, things thrown at, knives pulled on, etc.. etc...
The list is longer than I just posted but I'll leave it at that.

I won't go as far to compare myself with a woman that has been battered by her husband, on the physical side I had no real marks that lasted over a hour or 2, but it left quite a few emotional scars.
I was also dealing with a person that was diagnosed with BPD and was unmedicated, I divorced mainly for that reason and felt my life was in danger.


Now.. on to your question.
I have been reading the thread in question and honestly as a man who was a battered husband I have found some good in the thread. it is good to see thru the eyes of someone who would resort to physical violence and for that reason only I think the thread has a positive side to it.

Without a thread like that I would never have had the chance to see inside of their thoughts..

Take it for what it's worth...

Now if the thread gets shut down.. guess my point is only really seen by me..
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Last edited by Art_Critic; 22nd October 2012 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 22nd October 2012, 10:37 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
This is just my opinion.. so feel free to ignore it

One of the not so well known things about me.. trivial fact.. is that I was an abused spouse in a previous life.. meaning my first marriage I was hit, punched, things thrown at, knives pulled on, etc.. etc...
The list is longer than I just posted but I'll leave it at that.

I won't go as far to compare myself with a woman that has been battered by her husband, on the physical side I had no real marks that lasted over a hour or 2, but it left quite a few emotional scars.
I was also dealing with a person that was diagnosed with BPD and was unmedicated, I divorced mainly for that reason and felt my life was in danger.


Now.. on to your question.
I have been reading the thread in question and honestly as a man who was a battered husband I have found some good in the thread. it is good to see thru the eyes of the batterer and for that reason only I think the thread has a positive side to it.

Without a thread like that I would never have had the chance to see inside of their thoughts..

Take it for what it's worth...

Now if the mods shut the thread down.. guess my point is only really seen by me..
I understand what you're saying Art...and of course the issue of men who are on the receiving end of domestic violence is definitely a relevant subject in discussions about abuse. That should go without saying.

The thing is that when discussion about that is presented in terms of "hitting women", it's bound to draw in the kind of characters who operate from an abusive mindset. I mean if somebody feels threatened by a woman and they defend themselves aggressively that's one thing. Self defence seems to be a big issue on here lately. The question of where the line between self defence and an aggressive assault lies.

To me, if a guy's contributions to the board are consistently focused around baiting female posters with demeaning commentary about women, then his protestations about hitting women in real life "out of self defence" fall a bit flat. Especially when he makes it clear that he found it hilariously fun to crack the woman on the face.

That's just a troll, or an abuser, grabbing the "victim" role for himself with a cynical smirk on his face while he's doing it....and I really don't think it does anything to help the situation of men who have genuinely faced domestic abuse in their lives.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 11:05 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taramere View Post
To me, if a guy's contributions to the board are consistently focused around baiting female posters with demeaning commentary about women, then his protestations about hitting women in real life "out of self defence" fall a bit flat. Especially when he makes it clear that he found it hilariously fun to crack the woman on the face.

That's just a troll, or an abuser, grabbing the "victim" role for himself with a cynical smirk on his face while he's doing it....and I really don't think it does anything to help the situation of men who have genuinely faced domestic abuse in their lives.
I was in an abusive relationship once and when it got to that point I got out eventually. It wasn't something that started with emotional abuse, it was a very frustrated and difficult marriage that ended with some physical violence.

I am still in touch with my ex husband and he has regretted allowing it to escalate to that level as much as I did, we were both young and handled it the wrong way. Neither of us have had anything abusive since.

I don't recognise the attitudes displayed on this board in the threads you are referring to in my ex husband. Not all violence and abuse is the same and there are definitely people that appear to get a kick out of it - pun intended.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 11:24 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Emilia View Post
I don't recognise the attitudes displayed on this board in the threads you are referring to in my ex husband. Not all violence and abuse is the same and there are definitely people that appear to get a kick out of it - pun intended.
I agree. I think that an urge towards violence, when they feel threatened is inherent within all animals. Sometimes that urge gets stored up and then unleashed on easier targets.

I suppose what's uppermost in my mind is this: You know about the whole Jimmy Savile scandal...we were discussing it recently. One of the striking things about that was that this guy made so many references (some oblique, some quite blatant) references to his abusive activities. In a way that suggested he got a kick out of hinting to the outside world "here's what I'm doing, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

I've seen elements of that on this board. The irritation of gender-baiting I can generally shrug off, but we have enough of it on here that it draws in a more concerning type.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 11:26 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Taramere View Post
I suppose what's uppermost in my mind is this: You know about the whole Jimmy Savile scandal...we were discussing it recently. One of the striking things about that was that this guy made so many references (some oblique, some quite blatant) references to his abusive activities. In a way that suggested he got a kick out of hinting to the outside world "here's what I'm doing, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

I've seen elements of that on this board. The irritation of gender-baiting I can generally shrug off, but we have enough of it on here that it draws in a more concerning type.
I think to a degree he was referring to his social connections (ie his power from that point of view) but otherwise agree.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 11:46 AM   #8
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Here's a suggestion from moderation:

If one encounters a pattern of violation of community guidelines for civility and respect, vulgarity, profanity, inciting to violence, etc, etc, collect those thread links and report them to moderation. It's no more difficult than clicking on the alert button on each thread and asking moderation to review the thread.

There are two active moderators here, along with Tony who stops in on occasion. We have generally just under 200 new members registering each day and I generally see between 350 and 500 new/updated threads in my 'new posts' box, all of which would need to be reviewed individually to assess for such trends. I guess I could run the stats on the individual post counts per day, but imagine it to be in the thousands. There's no way we have the time nor the energy to moderate at the micro level, so we ban the most obvious trolls, infract other members as seen/reported, and move on with life.

Life doesn't begin nor end on LoveShack. This is a discussion forum. We do our best to keep it balanced and in line with the vision of the site owner given the resources he has provided to us.

In my experience as a moderator, the most vocal of those members about moderation and site policy are rarely or never the members who click the alert button and take the time to advise moderation of guideline violations, rather they complain, overtly or covertly, publicly, and/or incite more conflict by engaging those whom they would 'out' for being disruptive. Food for thought. You asked. I answered.
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