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Old 22nd July 2010, 4:29 PM   #16
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There was a specific situation just a few months ago where two members discussed the fact they were dating in one or more threads. Another member started a thread about the subject of members dating and was it true that two members were currently dating. I don't think he/she even used their names. He/She was punished for it.
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Old 22nd July 2010, 4:56 PM   #17
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There's a big difference between using someone else's situation and some details to help someone else, or to make a point, it's when it turns to gossiping and intentionally pissing people off that using info against someone in a negative way isn't cool. Unless Im mistaken here and one can't bring up someone else's situation to help someone else?
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Old 23rd July 2010, 2:05 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Tony View Post
I like to think most members have brains. Bringing up information from another thread that is "held up against a member" is tasteless and will be deleted. Bringing up information contained in another thread that could be helpful to others is OK if it wouldn't be embarrassing to the person the information is about.

As in real life, people who are mean and devoid of class and manners love to bring up crap about other people.

Unfortunately, the Internet is home to millions of people and not all of them are courteous, discrete and know good judgment. It's just a fact we have to accept.
Granted, I may not have class, and that could be the real 'issue' here...

But for example, if someone posts about being in an affair on the OW/OM board ...then later posts on the infidelity board asking about what might have happened because of a particular aspect of an becomes relevent to the discussion, doesn't it?

I get that it's tasteless to bring somethings up if there's no relevency and the only intent is to 'hurt' that poster...and that of course would warrant action by the mods.

But the flip side of that coin is the same thing you've also pointed out repeatedly here on LS...don't EVER post information that you don't want out there forever. Posters are responsible for the information they share on the internet...and it's hardly reasonable to just expect everyone to 'forget' that something like that was posted...especially if the OP continues to refer to those same activities in subsequent posts, no?

How could anyone provide any meaningful insight if they're expected to act like there's no prior history or knowledge?
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
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Old 23rd July 2010, 2:34 PM   #19
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My two cents for what it's worth. I'm guessing the line is where you dredge up vulnerabilities with deliberate malicious intent to hurt, rather than including pertinent information to help.

There's also a line in the sand with harassment.
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Old 23rd July 2010, 3:11 PM   #20
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I think there is a natural conflict between these two concepts:

Originally Posted by Tony View Post
Unfortunately, the Internet is home to millions of people and not all of them are courteous, discrete and know good judgment. It's just a fact we have to accept.
Originally Posted by Tony View Post
The question posed here requires an answer that everyone who has lived for any period of time should know already. Common sense is a requirement for participating in a forum like LoveShack.
You are basing your hopes for this site to operate along the boundaries that you prefer upon the assumption (the "requirement") that posters' have common sense and know answers that "everyone should know already" in a way that matches your intentions for the site.

Yet, you admit outright that you cannot count on a wide, unscreened, public population to be filled exclusively with courteous, discrete people with good judgment of a threshold that matches yours.

I think that is a dichotomy that will continue to confound.

Originally Posted by Tony
Members are expected to put information they want considered for their advice WITHIN THE THREAD THEY ARE SEEKING ADVICE ON.

Yes, each thread should stand on its own unless the OP has put a link to a previous thread that had additional relevant information.
Then it's not a caring community of people who know each other, if anonymously. It's an alternative to Yahoo answers.
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and everything under the sun is in tune...
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Old 23rd July 2010, 3:17 PM   #21
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I'm very interested in this thread. I was warned by the Mods for using personal info about White Flower. I called her "Jean", and apparently the mods thought that was her real name (it Isn't). For many of the long time posters will recall that White Flower's avatar was once a picture of Jean Harlow the actress, and that's why I called her Jean. But instead of trying to make sure I had done anything wrong, I was given a warning. How is this fair or equitable? Before people are warned or put under moderation, it would seem that the administration would make absolutely sure that a violation had, in fact, occurred.
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Old 23rd July 2010, 4:07 PM   #22 Director Director
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I do not wish this thread to be a debate nor am I willing to participate in the banter. The population of people who come here is such that there will always be a percentage who give bad advice, who use details contained in other threads, who use personal experiences that don't apply, who use personal information set down by members in other threads for the sole purpose of annoying, etc. There are a lot of people who have problems of various types...who are angry with the world...who don't like themselves.

My prayer is that there are enough, and I believe there are, caring, kind, intelligent, empathetic, wise members unwilling to participate in annoying others, gossiping, attacking, being sarcastic and nasty, etc. who want to help others in a significant way. Nothing else really matters.

My own personal ethics dictate that I should look at those who demean others with inappropriate information and verbiage in a compassionate, forgiving way and hope they heal one day from their fears, anger and ignorance. At the same time, I understand why they are here...why they congregate at a place where there are others like them.

Oddly, the greatest percentage of problems on this site occurs in the category that deals with betrayal, adultery, etc. I have yet to learn all the abbreviations...I do know OW, MM, etc. but there are many that confound me and maybe that's why I have such a difficult time there.

My suggestion to all is DON'T GET ATTACHED IN ANY WAY TO YOUR OWN MEMBER NAME OR TO THAT OF OTHERS. That's the only way you can deal with this forum in a dispassionate, objective manner...and that's the kind of advice people usually need.
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Old 23rd July 2010, 4:15 PM   #23 Director Director
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Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
This, is honestly, what I find ridiculous.

Tony, please clarify: Are you suggesting that each thread remain its own vaccuum?? What is said in one thread, cannot be brought up in another thread?? Period?

How are we supposed to use what we've learned about a member, their life/relationship experience, to help them, if we can't refer to history?

Just off the top of my head, TBF posted a thread about being pregnant and having a baby. In another thread, are posters prohibited from referring to her as a mother? A new parent?
I'm not only suggesting it, I'm dictating it. Threads are not case law. They are threads in an Internet forum. If a member seeking advice wants her pregnancy considered as part of her problem, she should disclose it. If she doesn't then it's inadmissible. If omitting details gets someone poor advice, then shame on the person who started the thread.

I'm sorry, but this place has gotten a lot bigger than I ever dreamed and no matter what I write here, there will be 500 new members next month who will do whatever. Just do you best to be a nice human being and I'll see that you are rewarded.

I am getting a headache.
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Old 23rd July 2010, 4:54 PM   #24
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I agree with Tony that a website this large, could be a bit of a pill to oversee, but believe that the framework for overseeing it, should be as objective as possible, as opposed to the subjective whims of Moderators , who are having a bad day. We all screw up. Those posters who are willing to admit to mistakes have value, just as the empathetic posters have value. We should be adult enough to police ourselves. If you don't want to see your personal info on the forum, don't give it out.
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Old 18th May 2017, 9:20 AM   #25 Moderator Moderator
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I was researching an old member and found this thread and deemed it a perfect springboard to post moderation's current interpretation of long-time guidelines regarding personal information and references to past content of members.

---- We still view and moderate threads as discrete discussions of particular topics

However, we do have a process regarding bringing relevant content from a past discussion started by a current thread starter to the discussion forum for consideration and have posted an announcement regarding that forum-wide.

It is repeated below: guidelines of interaction state that members shall discuss topics in their current context, though opinions may be formed regarding the topic starter based upon past postings.

Moderation has had guidance in this area published for a few years in our Infidelity areas, since those areas seem to be the most common location of members ignoring this guideline. Link to thread:

For clarity, if wishing to offer opinion about or ask questions related to relevant content of past threads or posts from a thread starter, this is the policy.

1. Review the content for relevance to the current topic of discussion and make sure it is relevant.

2. Quote the content directly using our quote function, preferably the function which automatically links to the content.

3. Link to the content, either through the quote function or with a link to the thread the content is published in.

This ensures accuracy of content, directs readers to that content and provides easy verification of the content.

If this sounds like too much work, that's fine. If so, then the site owner's default guideline controls. Discuss the current topic and the past is irrelevant and shall not be discussed.

Additionally, it is never appropriate or allowed to discuss past postings or posting content of members other than the thread starter in the starter's discussion thread. Use our private message system or post in that respondent's topical thread.

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