blind_otter Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Asexuality....It's the newest thing. No, really, I've read a few posts about it and even though it would be a momentous struggle I think I should go for it. It would conveniently eliminate my series of trainwreck relationship issues. Are you allowed to masturbate if you're asexual? Or does that preclude sexual expression in all forms? what do you call it if you refuse to have relationships? Yeah, so what I don't get to have sex any more. Maybe that's what was messing up the works in the first place. And I always have my big blond boyfriend, pictured here, to snuggle with. He snores and smells bad, and has hair all over his body. I mean, if I close my eyes I can totally imagine he's a boyfriend. When you think about it, sex is an exercise in futility if you don't plan on reproducing. Anyways, why is it that men get so insulted and take it so personally when you say you don't want to reproduce? I'm not saying, I don't want to reproduce -- with you specifically. I'm saying in general, DUH. But then they try to hide being insulted with, well I didn't want any either. Great, then we should get along famously! But noooo, the subtle comments start and then he's boo hooing all over you like you're a sneeze shield or something. Lie to everyone else, if you have to, but for God's SAKE don't lie to yourself as my dear old Dad says. You know, I just get tired of all the BS involved with dating. maybe I'm just a huge narcissist, but I don't want to hear it any more. I'm tired of hearing those stupid sob stories, or the oh so obvious "my Dad died when I was a young boy, can I insert my penis into your vagina? it will comfort me greatly". I've actually heard that one more than ONCE. I am sure in all the cases the guy's dad really did die when he was a young boy, but I don't understand the connection between their dad's death and the subsequent erection. Maybe I'm just burnt out. I feel like it's a parade of freaks, though, and hell I'm just one of teh sideshows myself but honestly. Not a parade, a stationary carnival of freaks. CARNIVAL OF FREAKS. I've met plenty of physicaly attractive men AND women. But I tend to think, after a while, that they are just lame. I feel bad. I'm not the greatest, most interesting person in teh world. I know it's all artificial and they seem 2-dimensional PROBABLY because they are hiding their flaws in a vague and misguided attempt at securing a LTR. Basing that on artifice and fakeness, making them seem....lame and boring. But what else do I have to go on??? Why is there this myth that lame, boring, two dimensional and safe sameness is like, the ideal character to project when meeting someone new. Why am I craving a more authentic interaction with someone, ANYONE, sexual or not? Maybe if I just take sex out of the picture, from the get go...if I make it clear that no sex will ever occur...just MAYBE I can have an authentic interaction where someone isn't trying to impress me, or hide their flaws which make them interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I don't understand the connection between their dad's death and the subsequent erection. Maybe he got stabbed in the head. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 You do same thing I do when typing in a hurry. Spell it 'teh' instead of the. Sounds like you need a break from relationships with others and focus on your relationship with yourself for a while. Screw everyone else. Sorry... Teh heck with everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 He snores and smells bad, and has hair all over his body. WT*!!! That sounds like me Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Well quit the dating part and stick to the sex part. Why torture yourself with dating and LTRs just to get a lil sumptin sumptin? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Maybe if I just take sex out of the picture, from the get go...if I make it clear that no sex will ever occur...just MAYBE I can have an authentic interaction where someone isn't trying to impress me, or hide their flaws which make them interesting. I call these people "friends". Maybe you need more varied friendships and interactions. Since my break-up, especially, I've begun to focus on what each of my very different friends give me in terms of interaction and non-sexual intimacy, whether it's my guy friend I can discuss comics with or my girl friend I can discuss cramps with, etc etc. I think focusing on all your different levels of interaction can help isolate the things that are "must have" or "must NOT have" in a sexual relationship. No one person can fulfill all your emotional needs, not even the greatest partner in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 B_O, I think I just fell in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 what do you call it if you refuse to have relationships? Unwittingly setting yourself UP for one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Me and my stream of consciousness writing. It must be very confusing. I have a second interview to get into AmeriCorps tomorrow morning. I think taking a break from any kind of potentially sexual interaction would be a good thing, at least of the kids I have to teach. Lordy lord. I must protect them from teh (hahaha THE) random bouts of irrational anger involved with dating people. I also realized that I have this compulsive dumping problem (yeah that sounds like a medical condition). As soon as something bad happens I do this quick, yeah that's not gonna work have a nice life, conversation. I rip off the bandaid so to speak. Maybe I do that too quickly. But GOD. I have had a lot of not just icky, or sad, or lame relationships -- but really bad ones. Bad bad bad, all types of abuse, cheating, lying, substance abuse, STDs, I mean, when I (as I am apt to do in these reflective and mildly depressive fits) examine the line up, so to speak, all those ugly, guilty mugs make me paranoid. If I settle, at all, I may potentially be setting myself up for another poop storm (ya like that one? ). A poop storm from which, I am afraid I would not recover. It seems like every poop storm takes longer to clean up after. I'm just saying. So I have become the classic relationship avoidant person, all because of the poop storms I have endured. And I feel bad for these people who start to like me, I realy do. Because I try, heroically IMO, to make a connection and it just ain't gonna happen. Maybe I'm living a lie, telling myself that I have cleaned up after the poop storms when in reality, I am still messed up six ways to sunday. Maybe all this bravado is for naught. Maybe I'm just ranting for no reason at all because I'm having my period. All these things are true. But maybe there is no silver bullet and it just generally gets frustrating as an young person trying to figure out how to be an adult in a relationship obsessed culture. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I have a second interview to get into AmeriCorps tomorrow morning. I think taking a break from any kind of potentially sexual interaction would be a good thing, at least of the kids I have to teach. Yeah, dude, you're going to want to avoid boning down with your students. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Maybe I'm just ranting for no reason at all because I'm having my period. All these things are true. But maybe there is no silver bullet and it just generally gets frustrating as an young person trying to figure out how to be an adult in a relationship obsessed culture. All true.. Bravo.... the love of learning love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Yeah, dude, you're going to want to avoid boning down with your students. Ya think? Why aren't normal, stable men attracted to me? Oh, that's right I'm a train wreck. Only people who are trainwrecks themselves would even consider a vaguely romantic interlude with me. And I have spent years wondering why men are like that only to discover that it's just the type of men I tend to be involved with. Emotionally unavailable dry drunks. Yay. Someone please just stab me repeatedly in the eyeball with a dull pencil. Maybe after I am horrifically disfigured I can truely accept that I am not relationship material, I never have been, I never will be. I don't want to be waiting for a relationship when I'm old. I guess it's natural to want things to be settled, at least for a little bit. I just never seem to notice when things are settled. I only notice when everything is up in the air and I am all upset. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Why aren't normal, stable men attracted to me? becuz you're 26 yrs old and you still haven't even figured out who you are yourself. you need another 10 years or so. you're a baby Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Ya think? Why aren't normal, stable men attracted to me? Oh, that's right I'm a train wreck. Only people who are trainwrecks themselves would even consider a vaguely romantic interlude with me. And I have spent years wondering why men are like that only to discover that it's just the type of men I tend to be involved with. Emotionally unavailable dry drunks. Yay. Someone please just stab me repeatedly in the eyeball with a dull pencil. Maybe after I am horrifically disfigured I can truely accept that I am not relationship material, I never have been, I never will be. I don't want to be waiting for a relationship when I'm old. I guess it's natural to want things to be settled, at least for a little bit. I just never seem to notice when things are settled. I only notice when everything is up in the air and I am all upset. Careful your sounding as nutty as I am in my head... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 And I am fussing like a baby, I know. I know. I also have this bizarre asian mother who insists that I am an old maid and I should give up on dating. Yeah, I guess in a magical world where all women are married and squirting out offspring by my age, I am old. I feel old, though. I feel old and tired of relationships. And whenever I hear a guy spouting any kind of lovey dovey stuff I tend to laugh at them, openly. Not a jeering laugh, but a chuckle. Like, oh that's so cute but I doubt it. I do. All those words just don't mean as much to me any more. I've heard them before, a thousand times before, and every time those relationships ended. Just like always. in the moment, I suppose they feel that. Or they think it will make me all weak and wet and want to have hot monkey sex. But it seems so empty. All those words "I can see us with a future together" Yeah, well I can see us without one together too! I know I won't die without that person. I know that, once the relationship ends, I have a period of blah, and then I feel fine and continue on with my life a little more callous, a little less idealistic. Eventually I'll have a hard shell around me that will be impenetrable. Like those inflatable sumo suits. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Eventually I'll have a hard shell around me that will be impenetrable. Like those inflatable sumo suits. as long as there's a hole to get into your honey pot all will be fine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 yeah i know right? There's a valley girl -ism that I have been trying to get out of my vocabulary. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Sounds to me like you're growing up and getting down to business. I think alpha's right--not about the honey pot (well, maybe:D )--but about 26. You're smarter than most folks, better-looking, superior in many ways. And you've lived through enough to make you old, I mean, wise beyond your chronological years. Maybe you had to go thru all the BS relationships in order to learn the lesson you finally have--no more BS relationships. Instead of asexual, you could become like Samantha on Sex in the City. Or you could become the nun you wanted to be as a child. Hey, I know some really cool nuns! Not the old cranky ones, but feminist intelligent world-changing radicals unencumbered by sexual relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 As a person whom biology has forced into asexuality for the moment I can tell you it's nothing to envy. And as far as relationships go, you'd probably be more fulfilled meeting someone with intellectual inclinations like you yourself have. I know it's tough in the south and I live in Florida too, probably the state with the lowest agregate IQ in the nation, but they are out there. For the moment take a break from relationships, maybe try writing, or something (I know you don't respect writers, but by your posts anyone can see you have the talent for it. maybe that's why it doesn't seem a big deal to you). If your mother bullies you with that 3rd world sh*t about you not having a family of four by 25, tell her you have erectile dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I've never understood the phenomenon of going out (and sleeping with) a succession of men in hope one will turn out to be something worth keeping. I don't think people with whom one is compatible are that common and I don't think one is to be found by tons of random dates. It can happen, I suppose, but more likely not. You need to go to a 'target-rich environement' as Dr. Phil says. If you don't want addicted losers, don't hang where they hang. Figure out what kind of person you do want and then where folks like that are likely to be found. It may be Buddhist temples or yoga classes or a pit bull board - but scattering yourself far and wide will only leave you - well, the way you find yourself; fed up, frustrated, and no farther ahead than when you started. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Maybe you had to go thru all the BS relationships in order to learn the lesson you finally have--no more BS relationships. It's my belief that this is the case for everyone...! Isn't it all a big learning process? It was for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Otter, I have found myself in the exact frame of thought as you many times. Somehow I still find myself waking up in a relationship despite the struggle I have put up to make it not be so. My theory is this: Why bother engaging ourselves in a myriad of useless relationships because the end result is still the same.....Every time, without fail, I have broken up with one, gotten with another thinking that this one was far better than the last it ends up that the newer one is 20 times worse than the last one. At this point, I am absolutely terrified of what I am going to end up with the next go around....so after this one desinigrates, I can safely say that I will have to sit out.. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I've met plenty of physicaly attractive men AND women. But I tend to think, after a while, that they are just lame. I feel bad. I'm not the greatest, most interesting person in teh world. I know it's all artificial and they seem 2-dimensional PROBABLY because they are hiding their flaws in a vague and misguided attempt at securing a LTR. Basing that on artifice and fakeness, making them seem....lame and boring. But what else do I have to go on??? Your theory on 2-dimensional is right on target.....and them hiding their flaws IS what makes everything so boring. I like to get down to the meat and potatoes and poke at them until I provoke them enough to show me a real emotion. Anger, lust, hatred, anything but the dull facade...Let me know the currents that run beneath you are not fizzled out, let me tap into the rawness of you so we can consume each other....I havent bumped into anyone like that in real long time and my blood is burning for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 tell her you have erectile dysfunction. I laughed out loud, which I normally don't do reading posts on here. The most people usually get is an internal chuckle. Knowing my mother she would probably acquir a prescription of viagra for me. ED? No problem, man! She would say, in her thick vietnamese accent. I had my interview for AmeriCorps today and as I was preparing I couldn't help but think of the similarities to dating in general. Look nice, project a bland indeterminate persona that is acceptible and attractive. I didn't do that, though. I looked nice but I was honest in the interview. I was myself. Without all the profanity, of course. It's weird, though, the ritualistic dances we go through in order to mate. And is there an evolutionary precedent for monogamy? I don't think so, not last time I checked. Yes, the interminable argument that there are animals who mate for life inevitably comes to mind, but then again, those species have much shorter lifespans. And brains that are not abnormally large in order to manage the complexity of social interactions that primates must engage in. I read that jealousy serves an evolutionary function. Our ancestors has smaller social groups, and shorter lifespans - so the opportunity to mate would be few, and the timespan to reproduce and rear young was much shorter. So you can infer what types of psychological makeups tended to reproduce more. Not exactly the intellctual ideal, I tells ya. Maybe the whole thing about lifelong committment is overriding the hardwired instinctual impulse to reproduce fast, hard, and with as many different individuals as possible. But then again I saw on late night TV last night, whatever channel you get without cable, that when it comes to infidelity a conservative estimate is that 50% of married people cheat on their spouses. That's an astronomical number. Maybe the cultural expectations about relationships are at odds with the way we tend to feel. O I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 thats like me im afraid to love my bf i realize im to young to no what love is because we brokeup before and it tore my heart apart so now im in strong like he loves me and wants to love me btu i wont let him peace Link to post Share on other sites
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