kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I have the greatest friends in the world. I love them. A bunch of them came over last night to hang out and cheer me up since I'm still stuck on bed rest. We all get along so well and I know they'd be there for me if I ever really needed them, no questions asked. With that said, I'm concerned that I don't look for relationships because I'm satisfied with my social life. I met a really great guy last week but I kinda wasn't paying enough attention to him because I was busy socializing with everyone. I had an ex from a long time ago get in touch with me but I still haven't written him back because I'm busy talking to and being with my friends. I still maintain that I don't want a serious relationship, I just wasn't meant for them, but I wouldn't mind something casual. In reality my friends are a million times more wonderful than anyone I've ever dated. It makes me not want to even try. How does one balance their friendships with less serious relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 One of these days, you'll meet someone who's a million times more wonderful than any of your friends. Then you'll want a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I have the greatest friends in the world. I love them. A bunch of them came over last night to hang out and cheer me up since I'm still stuck on bed rest. We all get along so well and I know they'd be there for me if I ever really needed them, no questions asked. With that said, I'm concerned that I don't look for relationships because I'm satisfied with my social life. I met a really great guy last week but I kinda wasn't paying enough attention to him because I was busy socializing with everyone. I had an ex from a long time ago get in touch with me but I still haven't written him back because I'm busy talking to and being with my friends. I still maintain that I don't want a serious relationship, I just wasn't meant for them, but I wouldn't mind something casual. In reality my friends are a million times more wonderful than anyone I've ever dated. It makes me not want to even try. How does one balance their friendships with less serious relationships? Freud would love this! One of his views on relationships was why risk ones attention on ONE person instead distribute it among multiple friends. Instead of heartbreak it is diminished to minor heartbreak not devastation. Friends are wonderful, I'm even the friends of the family to some. Achieving balance between friendships, serious (major or minor) relationships is pretty hard. In a way platonic relationships do not require the walking of a fine line compared to romantic relationships. Even romantic relationships have some elements of friendships, having similar interests and ideals, and many other attributes. Most of my time I share interests with friends like gaming, card playing, finance, school, class buddies, business associates, etc.. all of them are in different circles of friendship and interests. How I do it is spend time among my interests and occassionally focus on different aspects of life. Just different amount of time spent on each group and/or activity. My friends get some allotment of my time however I can cancel, do things, and not have to many attachments to "hold me back" I do not have any major obligations or to sum it up; no commitment. For romantic ones I have a different focus like child rearing, mutual goals, problem resolution, ideals, etc... just a different set of criteria. Just don't know, when you least expect it, someone takes away your attention and time; because of the spark, sex, attachments, or interests. If my SO (or love interest) is sick, I would be required, obliged to help her, and want to be with her. For friends I don't have to stick around 24/7, just pay a visit or make a cameo. A friend of mine explained friendships pretty well... mutual exploitation of each other, maybe no sex, and you don't wake up to them everyday. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I have the greatest friends in the world. I love them. A bunch of them came over last night to hang out and cheer me up since I'm still stuck on bed rest. We all get along so well and I know they'd be there for me if I ever really needed them, no questions asked. With that said, I'm concerned that I don't look for relationships because I'm satisfied with my social life. I met a really great guy last week but I kinda wasn't paying enough attention to him because I was busy socializing with everyone. I had an ex from a long time ago get in touch with me but I still haven't written him back because I'm busy talking to and being with my friends. I still maintain that I don't want a serious relationship, I just wasn't meant for them, but I wouldn't mind something casual. In reality my friends are a million times more wonderful than anyone I've ever dated. It makes me not want to even try. How does one balance their friendships with less serious relationships? I think this is a good thing, but it isn't a permanent situation. It's just where you are now. After a while you'll find you need other things to feel fulfilled, and your friends will need to look outside the group as well. Your "I'm not meant for serious relationships" theory will be proven wrong at some point. It may be true right now. Enjoy what you have, and you'll see things will change all by themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I've been in this place for a year. All of my friends have had short relationships that haven't worked out, I have not dated at all. I posed this question to my friend who is a therapist. Her thoughts were that she thinks we all want relationships but don't really otherwise we'd have it and we don't choose men wisely. We complain that we never see one of our friends anymore because she spends all of her time with her boyfriend of 5 months and that stays with us subconsciously. She also thought that if most of us had boyfriends then we all would eventually have one. Personally I don't know if that's true because I'm almost always single. I'm rarely in a relationship, but I see where she's coming from. jerbear...I thought it was interesting how you posed the difference between your relationships with your friends and your SOs. I would agree that there is definitely a different focus in those relationships. Whenever I've been sick it's been my friends that showed up to take care of me and help me when I needed it and my boyfriends that were nowhere to be found...or maybe they'd put in a phone call to me but that's about it. My friends have always been there for me and treated me a lot better than my boyfriends so I have felt more "obligation" to be there for them than any SOs. I know that you guys are trying to be nice and encouraging when you say that someday things will change or I will meet someone great but I don't think that's what I want. I feel like it's more of a decision than fate. If I met the greatest guy for me I can still make the decision to turn him away. If I don't want to challenge my belief that I am not meant for serious relationships then I don't have to be in one. I'm not saying that I won't date casually but I know that I am a lot happier when I'm not in a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 When the right person comes along and steals your heart - YOU will know. Maybe right now the timing isn't right, maybe you're not ready for something serious. All that counts right now is, you're happy with how things are. If your friends make you feel good - That's a good thing! Ha, I do have say, as much as friends are wonderful - They're not the ones who are going to make you climb the walls and have huge orgasms! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 How do you know? JK. But you don't have to be in a serious relationship to have a physical relationship. I am really happy now. I'm happier with my life than I have been in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Well, it takes all types. There are people who go for a long time without serious relationships. You can be one of them if that's what you want. The fact that you're happy with your life now is great. I doubt you'll be happy with it forever. You have some maturing to do, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I don't really know what to say to that. I'm a little disappointed that it came from you johan but I understand why it did. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 There's no need to get into a snit. I think Johan's right. With a couple more years on you, you'll realize that such lifetime decisions rarely hold - as you have new and different experiences, your ideas and plans will change. That's normal and natural and nothing to get insulted about. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 It's not a bad thing, kitten. It's not a criticism. It's probably a fact though that you will still be growing in your life. As you do, your priorities will shift. Same thing for your friends. I wish I had friends I could write about like you do. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I wasn't insulted, I was disappointed. And I wasn't in a snit, I was just disappointed with his thoughts. I think it would be best if people stopped responding to this thread. I'm not sure I will be able to get objective responses so I would appreciate letting this die. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 How do you know? JK. But you don't have to be in a serious relationship to have a physical relationship. I am really happy now. I'm happier with my life than I have been in a long time. I am glad to hear this KC. Do what makes you happy. It is not necessary to have a serious relationship or any part of one in order to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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