Kisu Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Okay this has always been at the back of my mind… but I wonder more now. I find myself quite close to my best male friend now, as my former b/f has become a little more distant. My friend keeps encouraging me to talk to / peruse my former b/f – he truly believes that my former b/f still likes me and that it can still work if we just get over this bump. My friend… he’s like the brother I never had and always wanted. I also hope my former b/f knows how lucky he is to have a friend like him. Though something has always bothered me… I often wonder how awkward my former b/f must have felt about getting closer to me because of our friend. We couldn’t just ditch him, the guy is a true gem to be had as a friend. …but I remember so clearly in the beginning how I had to deflect our friend’s flirting towards me and let them both know who I was really interested in romantically (I remember seeing out of the corner of my eye, the funny fist shaking our friend did at my former b/f! he was mouthing “lucky barsteward!” and such). He was always light hearted about it, but now he seems over it completely, as he has been going after another girl lately. …but I still wonder. I wonder too much… I'm going to go read my book and stop posting these internal thought processes here for a while. Semi-hypothetical situation alert! Two guys are good friends and hang out a lot. All of a sudden this girl they both know realizes the two guys are friends and they start hanging out as a trio (no this is not turning into a porno…). After a while Guy#1 thinks the girl is kind of interesting. Guy#2 thinks the girl is kind of cute, flirts with her, and is trying to decide whether or not to ask her out (or maybe knows and just needs to build up the nerve). It’s suddenly apparent that the girl likes Guy#1. Guy#2 subtly lets his friend know he’s envious (but the girl saw this anyway). The girl and Guy#1 eventually get together. Guy#2 seems to not care, is still good friends with the two, and encourages their relationship all the way (whether he still has romantic feelings for the girl is unknown). Though she has told him clearly he will always be just a friend to her, Guy#2 still occasionally gets flirty with the girl, and seems to have an easier time talking to her, though he is dating another girl. Guy#1 always seems hesitant in the relationship, though he really does like the girl. …if you were Guy#1 – how would you feel about all this? …always having a 3rd wheel around who you consider your best friend, but who has also in the past showed interest in your g/f? Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Kisu, I feel like I could have written this post except that guy #1 would be my current husband, and guy#2 would be his best friend. We've been married 10 years and they've been friends for 16 years, though not continuously. The thing is, his best friend looks at me in a way that tells me he likes me romantically. But he'd never admit it and he would always play the role of a best friend, even helping us get back together when we fight! To be honest, I've developed feelings for him, too. But he would always insist that my husband loves me very much and that he doesn't want to break up our marriage. WTF??? (I hate that about him! ) Well, to answer your question, I'd think that your ex-BF (guy #1) feels jealous and uncomfortable when you are with guy #2. If you love guy #1, you need to assure him that you have no feelings for his friend and only have eyes for him (guy #1). However, if your relationship with guy #1 is to flourish, both of you need to distance yourselves from guy#2. Sorry for being wordy... it's getting late here. Link to post Share on other sites
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