basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 In my other thread Alpha made a comment that he doesn't beleive you can be seriously involved in a relationship at 6 months... I believe you can be... I believe: if you are open to the other person, you share most of your free time with that person, you talk everyday, you share your lives (family, friends, events) together, you are exclusively with one another, you only desire that person and no one else will do, you make the choice... What does others think about this? Do you believe you can have a 'serious relationship with someone at the 6 months mark of your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 It can start there, but IME anyone can completely hide their personality 3-6 months depending on how much face time you get. Even with daily interaction. Otherwise I would never have dated a man psychotic enough to try to kill one of my friends. But I digress. IMO the seriousness of the relationship, prior to that point, can exist inside the head of one or the other person involved but it takes longer than a few months to get in synch with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I do agree there are things still hidden in a relationship at 6 months about ourselves we haven't shared. I also agree that it takes longer to get in sync with someone.. But I still believe you can be in a serious relationship at this point.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 But I still believe you can be in a serious relationship at this point.. how? at the six month mark you still know little if nothing about the other person. I have pulled the wool over womens eyes for a year or more before they figured out what was going on. Six month is nothing. Now if you've been with the same person for a few years then i would say its a serious relationship. I mean when you start a new job it takes a good year before most feel comfortable, and you're spending 40+ hours per week at that new job. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I know people that got married 30 days after they met.. I would say that a marriage is a serious relationship.. They may not have known each other that long but it is still serious Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I know people that got married 30 days after they met.. I would say that a marriage is a serious relationship.. They may not have known each other that long but it is still serious But would they be considered "seriously involved" if they did not go through marriage? no. That's flawed logic, because you're discussing "serious" as imbued by outside, external forces. IMO, though, having had someone lie to me for over 10 months, while I thought it was a serious relationship -- even those who got married after a month were still in a state of mutual delusion. My father has told me thousands of times that the real love in a relationship comes only after years together, and facing trials and tribulations as a team. Anyone who leapfrogs from relationship to relationship can't have a serious relationship in such a short amount of time. IM very HO Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 To be serious in a relationship varies in time from couple to couple. I guess that the more willing that you are to be serious with someone, the less time that it will take. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I still think it has alot to do with choice and mutual agreement that you are serious. I agree there are people out there 'like alpha said he has pulled the wool over a womans eyes for a year or more' but people like that are bad apples in my book. I do believe there are genuine and serious people out that that can make the choice to be real... Who can open their hearts and minds to another person. You can spend a lifetime knowing someone and you will never know all the intricacies of that person.. How well do your parents know you?? Do they know everything you do, think, or say?? Do your parents say that they aren't serious about you?? I still believe you can be in a 'serious relationship' at 6 months.. I have also known people who married after dating 3-6 months and they are happily married going on 15 or more years.. That doesn't mean their marriages are perfect but they are happy.. They were serious about one another and entered into a serious relationship because of mutual agreement, respect and acceptance of each other.. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I know people that got married 30 days after they met.. I would say that a marriage is a serious relationship.. They may not have known each other that long but it is still serious I think "serious" would pertain in how much both people are investing into a relationship, not time. But it takes both to invest in it. I don't think you can invest unless you are already whole yourself and can be whole being by yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I think "serious" would pertain in how much both people are investing into a relationship, not time. But it takes both to invest in it. I don't think you can invest unless you are already whole yourself and can be whole being by yourself first. Ahhh Bravo... I love how you answered this... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Obviously no one knows everything about anyone - that's a leap of logic that was designed to disprove through extreme examples, which seems like validation seeking to me. In any event, I seriously doubt you could objective judge "ALL RELATIONSHIPS" by some sort of imaginary standard. What is your real question, pada? Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 What is your real question, pada? Just what I asked... I want to hear others views. Alpha made a comment on my other thread and I felt it was a topic I would like to discuss so I started it here. Alpha has very strong negative thoughts on lots of things. He seems to be a bit close-minded when it comes to being involved seriously with someone. He made a comment that I assumed ment that Charlie and I couldn't have a serious relationship at 6 months; that it takes years instead of months.. I chose to invest seriously in Charlie because I was open to it and willing but as time went by I noticed slowly that he isn't ready to invest openly so its a one sided effort. But that doesn't mean it isn't possible to be involved seriously at 6 months if both parties are on the same page and emotionally healthy. I wanted to hear other peoples way of expressing their view points of a serious relationship. Different words and views stir my mind to learn and discover different thoughts I can take to grow or to dismiss... This is education for me... So-t0-speak. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I chose not to seriously invest in someone until after 6 months because I try to prevent going through that much pain for such a short (IMO) relationship. I hold back purposely, fair or not, because it's a boundary for me to feel safe. I know it's personal choice, but IME allowing that kind of seriousness early on sets you up for too much hurt too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 allowing that kind of seriousness early on sets you up for too much hurt too soon. This is one of the reasons why I had a Psychologist suggest to me that it would be very difficult for me to go into Psychology.. I have too open of a heart and I care too deeply for people. It is my God-given nature (ever since I was a little child). I would get to emotionally involved and attached and I would be hurt and take to much blame on my-self if I couldn't succeed in helping someone.. (This is why I have been teased and called "Mother Theresa" previously." Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 This is one of the reasons why I had a Psychologist suggest to me that it would be very difficult for me to go into Psychology.. I have too open of a heart and I care too deeply for people. It is my God-given nature (ever since I was a little child). I would get to emotionally involved and attached and I would be hurt and take to much blame on my-self if I couldn't succeed in helping someone.. (This is why I have been teased and called "Mother Theresa" previously." I had these reservations but my mentor, when I did my undergraduate internship at the forensic mental hospital, told me that as with any profession you develop a clinical distance from those things. I did, rather quickly. I used to cry almost every night for the patients I worked with. Personally I feel it made me grow as a person to challenge myself, and it also very clearly showed me the benefit of having good boundaries (both professionally and personally). So similar problem (although I doubt you could see it now) -- different methods of dealing with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I think "serious" would pertain in how much both people are investing into a relationship, not time. But it takes both to invest in it. I don't think you can invest unless you are already whole yourself and can be whole being by yourself first. You got it. My husband and I were pretty serious after four or so months and we've been together now for 16 months. It probably seemed like to everyone that we were moving too fast, but in reality it was the right thing for both of us. I also used to work with a woman who had dated her husband for two weeks before they got married. She had a blind date with him- picked him out of a yearbook and at last count they were married over 25 years. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I believe you can be as 'seriously' involved with someone as you want to be. Time is seldom the issue when it comes to how hard you fall. The problem comes when you don't really know someone enough to gauge whether they're as serious about the relationship as you are (or would like them to be). I have too open of a heart and I care too deeply for people. It is my God-given nature (ever since I was a little child). I would get to emotionally involved and attached and I would be hurt and take to much blame on my-self if I couldn't succeed in helping someone.. Which leads to a question I thought to ask you on an earlier thread (but thought better to leave alone until you were able to work some of this out for yourself): What do you love about Charlie, Pada? Is the realist in you happy and 'in love' with Charlie for who and what he is right now, flaws and all? --- Or is the idealist (or fixer) in you in love with the potential you think you see in him? That might be the most important question of all for you to figure out right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted March 28, 2006 Author Share Posted March 28, 2006 What do you love about Charlie, Pada? Is the realist in you happy and 'in love' with Charlie for who and what he is right now, flaws and all? --- Or is the idealist (or fixer) in you in love with the potential you think you see in him? That might be the most important question of all for you to figure out right now. I will bring this back to my other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84592/23 Link to post Share on other sites
juliainoz Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 weeks, and he says we have a "serious" relationship - I also believe that. I think it depends on the people involved, the feelings involved of both people, and how they feel about the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Depends if the two people are being completely honest about who they *really* are. There is a guy that I work with who met his fiance a year ago. They are getting married in a couple months...to bad she didn't spend more time getting to know the *real* him, cause he is a complete male chauvinist. When she is around...nicest guy you ever met. When she is not around...men are superior & woman are stupid. Oooo...I pitty her...but, fools rush in. Link to post Share on other sites
Candied-Heart Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Haha this thread reminds me of the time my BFs ex called and enquired about our r'ship. Apparently to her, it's not serious unless you're engaged or living together. Nevermind if you've chosen to be with this person for 18 months and are completely faithful and happy. It's not serious yet. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 It really depends on the people in the relationship. If both people are completely open and honest and not holding anything back, then it can be serious at six months. I however am always weary of any guy who is that serious that soon. It is so much more meaningful when you grow together over time. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I believe that retrospectively all relationships are UN-serious. I sapent 3 years on and off with my ex-husband and we had two kids together; I still think the relationship was not serious in a way. My grandparents got married only one week after they met and lived happily until my grandma died at age 75. Basically any relationship that ends is kinda not serious in my book, in a rather philosophical way. Of course, perspectively, you can make plans even sooner than 6 months. Subjectively, you can feel that you're serious after 6 months. My husband and I felt like we knew each other for a long time after only a few days. The distance didn't kill our love either... So it all depends on which viewpoint you're taking, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I believe you can be as 'seriously' involved with someone as you want to be. Time is seldom the issue when it comes to how hard you fall. The problem comes when you don't really know someone enough to gauge whether they're as serious about the relationship as you are (or would like them to be). I actually think this is a great answer, particularly the bit in bold. Sums it up nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I would get to emotionally involved and attached and I would be hurt and take to much blame on my-self if I couldn't succeed in helping someone.. The above is more due to low self-esteem than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
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