People suck. Friendship is a lie. Love is a lie.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

People are so effing fair-weather. Friends, family and lovers will say "I love you" and "You're such a good friend", but when you need help with something easy that they could do, but critically important, where are they? Nowhere to be found. They say,"Can't someone else do it?" Or, "I'm planning on going to a party." How the hell am I supposed to think that I'm not worthless when people keep treating me this way? I feel like garbage all the time. Never wanted, never cared for.

[lindya]

People are so effing fair-weather. Friends, family and lovers will say "I love you" and "You're such a good friend", but when you need help with something easy that they could do, but critically important, where are they? Nowhere to be found. They say,"Can't someone else do it?" Or, "I'm planning on going to a party." How the hell am I supposed to think that I'm not worthless when people keep treating me this way? I feel like garbage all the time. Never wanted, never cared for.

 

What happened, Jen?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Having surgery in two weeks, and I had the audacity to ask for a ride home. The hospital doesn't let you take a cab home.

[lindya]

Having surgery in two weeks, and I had the audacity to ask for a ride home. The hospital doesn't let you take a cab home.

 

In these situations, you would hope that friends/family would offer to help you out. If possible, pick you up from the hospital so that you didn't have to organise a cab.

 

I think sometimes people get locked into the assumption that "someone else will be doing it". Not always. Sometimes nobody offers their help, and you have to ask them....then make sure they know their help is greatly appreciated.

 

Is there a neighbour or relative you can speak to before your operation, so that you'll get some of the help you need and don't end up being isolated? I think post-op times can be quite difficult to get through - and obviously you'll need to prepare in advance so that you're not left stuck for food, company etc.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I asked friends and family and got turned down. I told my best friend (who lives at home and doesn't have a job...has plenty of time on her hands) that I really need her help, but even she had some lame excuse. The only neighbor I know is my ex-boyfriend.

[littlekitty]

Poor Jen. You have some unhelpful, uncaring friends and family IMO.

 

If you speak with the hospital, they should be able to put you in contact with a local support group who should be able to provide you with a ride and some support afterwards. Not everyone has someone to rely on, and that's where these charitys and groups come into thier own.

 

Best wishes and hugs.

[lindya]

I asked friends and family and got turned down. I told my best friend (who lives at home and doesn't have a job...has plenty of time on her hands) that I really need her help, but even she had some lame excuse. The only neighbor I know is my ex-boyfriend.

 

 

That's really s***ty. I'm sorry to hear it. What plans have you made post op - and does the hospital have an attached social work team/counselling service that you can perhaps get some help from?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

That's really s***ty. I'm sorry to hear it. What plans have you made post op - and does the hospital have an attached social work team/counselling service that you can perhaps get some help from?

 

Finding out that you have no one who cares enough about you to give you a ride home from the hospital is rather embarrassing, so I haven't talked to the surgeon or hospital about it yet. I'm supposed to be at home for at least a full week afterward and non-weightbearing for at least two. Doc said the trauma will be as bad as a total joint replacement.

[littlekitty]

Finding out that you have no one who cares enough about you to give you a ride home from the hospital is rather embarrassing, so I haven't talked to the surgeon or hospital about it yet. I'm supposed to be at home for at least a full week afterward and non-weightbearing for at least two. Doc said the trauma will be as bad as a total joint replacement.

 

And hurtful too I should think Jen. I really feel for you.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Thanks littlekitty.

[Becoming]

Jen, I'm sorry this has happened to you. You really have no support, do you? Your family and "friends" sound pretty whacked-out to be able to get you to and from the hospital.

 

Contact social services at the hospital and explain the situation to them. They should be able to put you in touch with some real help.

 

And once you get back on your feet, you need to start finding some real friends who'll treat you well.

[blind_otter]

When I was really low I tended to keep the friends who reinforced my low self image and feelings about myself. People are like they are. You tend to gather those around you that reflect whatever you feel is an appropriate reflection of yourself.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I've always been a fairly independent person, and have stepped up to the plate plenty of times for my friends...drove my best friend to the hospital when she was pregnant....that sort of thing. But it seems whenever I ask for help, which is rare, people forget what friendship means. They'll listen and offer advice when I need it....so in that way they are "there for me", but something as simple as a ride seems so out of the question. Same for when I asked for help moving, and yet, I don't have enough fingers to count the number of times I've helped others move.

[Tony T]

If you don't learn now...then you may actually die....never understanding that humans aren't here to behave the way you desire them to. Nobody is obligated to do anything for you just like you aren't obligated to do anything for them. Unless you have a contract to provide goods or services to others, you are off the hook.

 

Oh, yes, it would be very nice if your kindnesses were repaid with kindnesses but I promise you it seldom happens that way. It's just the way people are. Get used to it.

 

I wish I had more positive words for you but you're hearing from a dude who's been screwed over a million times by people he was very kind and generous to. I've gotten used to it. I simply don't expect anything from anybody...not even gratitude.

 

I must also comment that I am not at all surprised that anyone with the attitude towards friendship and love which you have expressed above would have the difficulty with people that you are having. Once you love others for who and what they are and understand the true nature of friendship, you will pick your friends better and you won't have this difficulty. You are a mirror of your world. Change yourself and you'll change your world.

 

As Ben Franklin said in Poor Richard's Almanac: "Blessed is he who expects nothing for he will never be disappointed."

[Curmudgeon]

Unlike you, I expect some return on investment of helping, caring and contributing. While I also believe in altruism, when it comes to friendship it has to be a two-way street or the "friendship" ceases to exist.

 

Jen Jen, you now have the opportunity to know who will stand up and be counted and who's not worth your time and thought. Not all people, friends or relationships are false and not all love is a lie.

 

I'm fortunate enough to have married my best friend of five years and in the almost 10 since the wedding, we're still best friends and she's never disappointed me nor I her. It can happen. Please don't rule it out.

[whichwayisup]

Jen if I was in the same city as you, I'd pick you up and take you home. I don't understand what the big deal is here, why on earth someone would say NO. WTF?

 

Maybe it's just me but that screams whoever your friends are, are very selfish and only care about themselves! Especially reading that you've helped them out and now it's you reaching out for help and they aren't willing to give back?

 

I'm sorry that your family isn't helping either. To me, there is no excuse. Your mom, once again, should be ashamed of herself...You know how I feel about that...

 

There has to be some sort of support system at the hospital. I know they have it here in Canada for those who live alone and don't have anybody. There is a service, people who volunteer - Pick up and drop off patients. So, definately look into that.

 

Hang in there and hope all goes well with your surgery.

[Milo]

I had a "friend" at work whom I gave numerous rides to, helped move furniture, and showed some cool places around town to. Now I don't even get the time of day. Eh, people are nutty sometimes.

[jerbear]

Hey jen_jen;

 

I hear about your situation and sorry that your friends are not there for even a ride.

 

Talk to the hospital about having them help you out. There maybe a cost to that; but does not hurt to ask.

 

You usually get a hunch when friends talk about moving, on time, reliable, trust worthy, etc...

 

Send an email out to your friends and say the first one to respond and complete the task gets dinner. Something I learned as an undergrad. Sounds like bribery but it works.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Send an email out to your friends and say the first one to respond and complete the task gets dinner. Something I learned as an undergrad. Sounds like bribery but it works.

 

Good suggestion. I'll give it a try. The thing that really sucks is having to beg for and/or buy a simple act of kindness. Some of these friends are women I met while volunteering. But somehow I think they might not have been doing that for the warm fuzzy feeling, so much as doing it to meet guys.

[johan]

Some of these friends are women I met while volunteering. But somehow I think they might not have been doing that for the warm fuzzy feeling, so much as doing it to meet guys.

 

What kind of volunteering?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Children's charities, soup kitchens....that sort of thing.

[jerbear]

Children's charities, soup kitchens....that sort of thing.

 

I've been the wrong type of volunteering.... helping small businesses & teaching kids about business & political rallies versus charities and soup kitchens to meet women.

 

I see... well try the bribery, most guys would respond versus those that believe it is husband hunting season.

[johan]

Children's charities, soup kitchens....that sort of thing.

 

Wow. Now I know where to go.

 

Sorry about your lame friends. Don't get cynical. It's probably time for you to clean house and lose some of the not-so-good ones. I've done that recently.

[littlekitty]

WWIU is right. There's many of us on here who would happily offer to come and give you a lift if only we could. And we haven't even met you!

 

I think you have to let some of these friendships slide. They obviously aren't the right kind of friends. I too learnt the hard way with friendships. Constantly helping out others only to find when the tables were turned they weren't available. I just let these friendships slide. Now I know that the people I have in my life are true friends. I could phone my friend in France at 2am and i know she'd be on a flight by 9am to come and see me.

 

I no longer stand for being treated like I don't matter. Curmudgeon is right. Friendship is a two way street.... and you have a right to expect that.

 

I'm sure you can meet and make better friends than these.

[tinktronik]

Jen Jen, I once read a post on Craigs that was a man needing a ride to and from his dentist to have a root cannal ,he lived a little out of my way. I emailed him and we both agreed not to rob each other . Chancey , but not really too much more so than any new friend. My s/o and I picked him up took him to and from the dentist ,and we've been friends since. I admired his problem solving attitude.He dident have a ride , so he made one by taking the chance to ask. Theres lots of people who will be real friends to you, you just have to meet them.And like someone else pointed out, most of us would give you a ride , if we could.