I have lost interest.

[SmoochieFace]

The title says it all.

 

I have basically lost all interest in all things *social*. You name it - friendship, dating, *games*, competition, *getting ahead*, etc. I am through with all of it.

 

I have never understood what motivates people to do what they do... especially when it comes to *relating*. Is it to fill some hole or void inside? Is it purely for ego? Whatever it is apparently I will never know.

 

This site and all of you are like aliens to me. I will never *get* any of you just as none of you will ever *get* me. I don't understand the point of all of this - in fact I don't even understand the point of existence. I get up, eat, go to work, have a little fun in my spare time, go to bed. That's it. Just the motions, ma'am.

 

What is it all supposed to lead to I'll never know. I know that I am mortal and in a few years it will all be over. The world will still turn and that's cool.

 

I dunno why I'm saying any of this... I doubt anyone here will really understand it just as I do not understand any of you.

[kitten chick]

I don't understand your question.

[blind_otter]

It's called an existential dilemma.

 

You are not the first to suffer this, nor will you be the last.

 

Read Viktor Frankl. "Man's Search for Meaning" -- he survived 5 years in Auschwitz and claims to have discovered a way to finding meaning. THe book is his philosophical treatise, including his experience in the Nazi death camp as his philosophical proof.

[justagirliegirl]

I "gave up" the striving a couple years ago and have never been happier. I have made it possible to do what I want to do. I have no desire to be a manager or get ahead in some company. I simply don't care. Have no desire to have some fancy house and car. Don't care. Except for the bf, I'm pretty much a hermit. I don't go out and socialize and I have no desire to. I don't care about the latest sitcom or what some celebrity did. I feel fortunate to not be married, to be an empty nester and just do what I feel like doing.

[Art_Critic]

I have basically lost all interest in all things *social*. You name it - friendship, dating, *games*, competition, *getting ahead*, etc. I am through with all of it.

 

winter time Blues maybe ?

 

i know where your coming form.. When I lose all interest in social things I sink myself back into either my job or my projects till my interest comes back

[SmoochieFace]

winter time Blues maybe ?

 

i know where your coming form.. When I lose all interest in social things I sink myself back into either my job or my projects till my interest comes back

 

Has nothing to do with the season. Funny, but I actually enjoy the winter.

 

This is a permanent loss. It isn't a fleeting thing. This is a complete lack of understanding of what makes people *tick*.

[whichwayisup]

SF, your walls seem up and you're scared of being hurt, misunderstood by people.

 

PEOPLE need people! We all need interaction, we need to be appreciated, to be heard and understood.

 

Do you ever just talk to people for no reason? While shopping, or just standing in line at the bank? I do. Not all the time but once in a while I get to have a really neat conversation with someone that really brightens my day.

 

Maybe it is the winter time blues, like A_C said, I don't know.

 

My question though is, do you miss interaction, stimulation with people, friends etc...Are you happy with your life now? Do you wake up with a smile on your face?

[blind_otter]

Ultimately there is no greater meaning to anything. You infuse meaning yourself into your interactions and the world itself. You will find no meaning to anything externally. That's how life is.

[SmoochieFace]

SF, your walls seem up and you're scared of being hurt, misunderstood by people.

 

Nope, nothing to be *afraid* of.

 

 

We all need interaction, we need to be appreciated, to be heard and understood.

 

See, I am starting to believe that I don't *need* that anymore. I have been without it for so long that it really doesn't matter anymore.

 

 

Do you ever just talk to people for no reason? While shopping, or just standing in line at the bank?

 

No and the reason I don't is simply because people will not do that with me. Call it *learning from others*.

 

 

My question though is, do you miss interaction, stimulation with people, friends etc...Are you happy with your life now? Do you wake up with a smile on your face?

 

I've been without that interaction for so long that I can say with honesty that I don't miss it. I dunno... I guess I'm just curious as to why people seem to need it.

 

I can say that I am *happy* with certain aspects of my life. That's about as close to *happy* as I will get.

 

I wake up with a smile on my face when it is a Saturday or Sunday morning.

[blind_otter]

 

I've been without that interaction for so long that I can say with honesty that I don't miss it. I dunno... I guess I'm just curious as to why people seem to need it.

 

 

Years ago there was an environmental activist who scoffed at social interaction and decided to make a go of it alone, in a cabin in Alaska. Apparently he went insane and killed himself after a few years, during an especially hellish winter. Cabin fever to the extreme.

 

Primates are social creatures. The reason that your brain is as big as it is is largely to govern the complexities necessary for social interaction. If primates weren't social, our brains would be smaller.

 

But the questions you ask, even though people are making a good effort, are philosophical ones that have already been explored. The philosophers who spent their careers addressing these questions have better, more concise answers for you, AFAIK.

 

John Locke's idea of the social contract explains why we choose to have governments that dictate certain aspects of personal life rather than being completely independent.

 

Unfortunately the way our modern society is structured often cuts people off from social contact. Some reasearchers theorize that this has been the cause of the stratospheric rise in diagnoseable mental illness since the industrial revolution.

[SmoochieFace]

Years ago there was an environmental activist who scoffed at social interaction and decided to make a go of it alone, in a cabin in Alaska. Apparently he went insane and killed himself after a few years, during an especially hellish winter. Cabin fever to the extreme.

 

I've considered doing something similar - and still am considering it.

 

Think of the film "The Shining." The Jack Nicholson character signed on to stay at this huge hotel for five months during the winter. He was asked if he could handle the isolation. He said he could.

 

Turned out that he really couldn't handle it. He tried to murder his wife and son who were with him. Perhaps he may have been able to handle it if he was truly alone instead of having that social contact via his family.

 

I know I could handle it alone. Easily.

[whichwayisup]

So, you don't need people. You don't want to rely on anybody but yourself. You don't feel the need to get to know or put yourself out there for others. That is fine if you're truely happier that way. Maybe you're one of the few who honestly doesn't mind being alone.

 

I need people in my life. There's a big difference of needing space and time on your own, than BEING alone, isolating oneself.

 

I say if you give a little and put positive energy out there, make yourself approachable, people WILL react well to it.

 

See, I am starting to believe that I don't *need* that anymore. I have been without it for so long that it really doesn't matter anymore.

IT doesn't have to be that way though. Unless you prefer it.

[blind_otter]

I've had similar thoughts, SF, don't get me wrong. I have a personality type that 99% of the popultation just doesn't jive with.

 

For me, I think that interaction with others kind of "normalizes" my behavior. Otherwise, if left to my own devices, I tend to behave "efficiently" and I lose the social graces that other people value. Like, I curse a lot. A helluva lot. I forget that other people find this offensive sometimes.

 

Honestly I could take it or leave it, most of the time. Mostly I take it because the way our society is structure kind of MAKES you take it.

 

My parents are the same way. They have friends, but rarely socialize. If ever. They are fine with it. My older sisters are sociable, but I'm like my parents in that way.

 

I think in the old days there were outlets for people like that....my dad's grandfather was a land prospecter and spent months by himself clearing land he purchased to re-sell at a profit once it was cleared for settling. He was fine with it, found a career which kind of allowed him to indulge his desire for solitude and make cash at the same time.

[Art_Critic]

I know I could handle it alone. Easily.

 

whenever I'm in one of my anti-people modes I will go up to my cabin for the entire weekend from friday thru sunday .. I see nobody and speak to nobody.. by sunday night I'm going to the store just to be able to talk to someone..

 

3-4 day weekends can be a killer when I'm anti-social..

 

But you need human interaction..

[whichwayisup]

But you need human interaction..

 

My point exactly. I believe people weren't meant to be on their own. Some choose to be, but it doesn't have to be that way.

 

I know I'd be lonely as hell. I need my friends, my family and most of all my husband. I need to feel needed too. There's nothing worse for me than not being needed.

[Becoming]

Maybe you're just an introvert, SF.

 

But do I hear a trace of wistfulness in your original post? If you don't need anybody, why do you do LS? Are people just others who get in the way of you doing what you want? (No judgment. If I thought to ask the question, it means I've done this at times). How do you think of other people in general--people who just let you down, disappoint, annoy, demand too much, or what?

 

I find people fascinating when I try to look at them as subjects in and of themselves. Kinda like looking into a fabulous gemstone cut to sparkle with incredible beauty despite the flaws. But that's from a distance. Up close, I tend to get bedazzled and confused, and that scares me enough to want to pull away.

 

Frankly, I find LS slows the whole complexity of relationality down to a manageable level. Relationality in real life pretty much frazzles me. But that's because I still have issues I'm working through. It helps to see things written here to be able to analyze what's going on. I have trouble not seeing distinctions between me and others because I see the interconnectedness. It sounds like you have the opposite problem--not seeing any connections with people at all? And no need to bother making them? I guess I assume these connections with others are just there, whether I like it or not.

 

Now, that may be a female vs. male thing, according to Carol Giligan's work on the developmental process.

[blind_otter]

 

Frankly, I find LS slows the whole complexity of relationality down to a manageable level. Relationality in real life pretty much frazzles me. But that's because I still have issues I'm working through. It helps to see things written here to be able to analyze what's going on. I have trouble not seeing distinctions between me and others because I see the interconnectedness. It sounds like you have the opposite problem--not seeing any connections with people at all? And no need to bother making them? I guess I assume these connections with others are just there, whether I like it or not.

 

I think sometimes if you are overwhelmed with interconnectedness you shut down. Infants do it, in a direct way. Freak them out enough and they just pass out. I did that a lot as a baby, according to my older sister. It was a family joke. Maybe it was my insane mother screaming in my face.

 

At any rate, this is how it is for me, too, becoming. The internet in general, really. Slows things down to a manageable pace. And even then I get overwrought a lot. For me, though, I shut down. I have that PTSD issue. Exhausted adrenal glands = you look like you don't care. And feel that way, too.

 

Now I'm on beta blockers to help with that. My adrenal glands are so dry they spit dust.

 

Sometimes I think I must've been one of those hysterical Victorian women with a "wandering uterus" in a past life.

[a4a]

Interesting Smooch....

 

 

 

I am not feeling the need either to have people interact with me on a surface level..... just not interested in the typical social scene. I love my days like today when nobody is here. No coworkers, no volunteers, no H, just me and a chicken Its great........ yet I am posting here, where I am not limited on speaking my mind as I am in "real life".

 

I now have no idea where I was going with this........ please carry on

:lmao: Dah .... lost my train of thought....... it just vanished

 

a4a-senior moment # 123 for today

[SmoochieFace]

I think sometimes if you are overwhelmed with interconnectedness you shut down.

 

Not in my case. I am shutting down as a result of NOT being connected for so long. It's like ditching something becuase you haven't used it in a long time.

[Becoming]

Sometimes I think I must've been one of those hysterical Victorian women with a "wandering uterus" in a past life.

 

:lmao:

 

I always wondered where the wandering uterus would be going! Let's start a new thread . . .

 

Sorry, SF.

[Becoming]

Don't want to hijack SF's thread, so for more on the wandering uterus:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81033/

[Outcast]

You'd bore yourself to death. That's a reason why you read LS and post on it; humans are interesting to observe. If you only live with your own thoughts, nothing's ever new. Interaction provides you with novelty and, as everyone has said, we are built to be social creatures. You think you'd be fine but you wouldn't.

 

Try it. Stay in all weekend. Tell your gf that you want to sleep all weekend or something plausible so you don't hurt her feelings. Then turn off all radios and TV and unplug your computer and phone. No going to the store or anywhere where there are people. Draw your drapes. We'll see how you're feeling on Monday.

 

I think you're suffering from Aspie angst more than anything but there are a lot of people who feel they 'don't belong' and 'are different' so don't be thinking you're the only one.

[JayKay]

Some people don't need much interaction with other people.

 

But I think MOST people need some kind of meaning in their day to day existance. SOMETHING to connect them to life itself.

 

 

Is there anything you enjoy doing, OP?

[Lil Honey]

SF:

 

I read a Asperger's board several weeks ago where a member posted that he enjoys being alone, yet feels lonely. The problem is, when his girlfriend moved in with him, he couldn't stand having someone around and it didn't work out. Sure, everyone needs alone time, but (SOME) Asperger's are more sensitive to stimuli - including being around others.

 

Someone also mentioned the possibility of the fear of being hurt. Please don't dismiss the idea. It's possible to react to others in a way that keeps them at a distance, so the chance of being hurt by them is reduced. Many of us (me included) do it without thinking. I suppose it worked as a form of preventative measure at some point and we just continued doing it as sort of a unconscious, second-nature thing.

 

I have been reading and trying to understand Asperger. It's hard for me to comprehend the inability to understand people and relationships. That doesn't make you weird. It just makes us different.

 

There are times when I have just had enough of people. All it takes is reading the newspaper, going out in traffic, or going to a crowded store. There are other times that I actually enjoy seeing perfect strangers.

 

Some mornings, I will stop by the local McD's to get breakfast or just a Diet Coke. There are people that go there frequently ("regulars"). There is a group of about four older men that are there every morning that I am, so they must go there every morning. Anyway . . . just by seeing them, they give me something. I see their friendship. They go to the counter and joke with the cashier. One will hold the door for me. All those things put a smile on my face. It reminds me that there ARE good people left.

 

This site has shown me that there ARE good people here. A few people posted on my thread last night and it nearly brought me to tears. The took the time to get to understand your post and YOU. I think that's a very good thing.

 

What I'm saying is that sometimes I have to force myself to see good things around me (many times if people are getting me down, I look to nature and it's miraculous-ness). Other times I see goodness in folks without having to try real hard.

 

Back to your post . . . how much sleep have you been getting? Is there more stress at work than usual? I have read many of your posts. You seem like a serious guy, can you find things to laugh at? Laughter is good for you. You will find something to at least smile about if you get out and watch kids playing.

[clandestinidad]

You seem like a serious guy, can you find things to laugh at?

 

I'm not sure where SF is on the Apergers spectrum, but typically they have are very serious and have difficulty experiencing joy and humor. Their brains are wired for logic and intellect, not humor and emotion.

 

This could explain why you, SF, stated earlier that you doesnt understand WHY people develop and maintain relationships, and how to maintain them. Your brain might only be able to look at it rationally, not on the emotional level which is the very reason most people form those relationships....to fill in emotional gaps in their lives.

 

When someones brain is like a computer, they dont understand touchy-feely things.

 

I'm trying to figure out a more logical way that you could view relationships, removing the emotion from it. It might help you form and keep relationships if you arent as confused about them. (because you really do seem to want some companionship, otherwise this wouldnt bother you)

 

What have you thought about them, in depth I mean?